Distorted dreams

Pissed

2006-08-13T19:29:00.000-07:00

I am so unbelievably pissed, it's unreal.

The stupid thing, I'm pissed that Apple has made me out to be a fool.

Bratworse bought a MacBook Pro when they first came out. Sure enough, she was happy as a lark until, our wireless started dropping it... but not only was it dropping it, the wireless was dropping the PC (Gateway) too. Just my trusty little iBook G4 kept trudging.

And then one morning, she woke up to the apple symbol with a big red circle and slash through it. We brought it in the Mac Store. Ah, but the hard drive is still there, just reload the system says the tech. So we did that; as a result, it started running slowly. And a few weeks later, there was a clicking sound from the left side of the laptop. And a blank screen.

Bratworse is LIVID! She's thinking (rightly so, given this experience) what, I gave up PCs for this?

And me? I'm the one who recommended this piece of shite. How the hell do you think I feel?

I have been a loyal Mac customer since Mac Plus days. I've owned a Mac Plus, an SE (had an external hard drive), an LC, a Power Computing PowerPC, an iMac (Lime Green) and now am so happy with my little iBook G4.

This is the thanks I get for convincing a PC user to a Mac?

We take the computer into the Apple store, and they tell us 10-12 days because the hard drive died. Today is the 14th day. And is it close to being done? No. Applecare tells her it'll be another week. She and I fight (because I'M STUPIDLY DEFENDING APPLE and I'm taking it personally that this beautiful piece of equipment that I would give an eye and my left breast for, Bratworse is calling a piece of shite).

So I get in the car, and drive over to Apple, and give them a piece of my mind. Colin, the tech guy, is trying to be reasonable with me, but I'm seeing red. How dare Apple make me look like a fool! After DECADES of loyal service as well as ACTIVELY pushing the Mac platform on PC users, they are doing this?

We don't have a promise of tomorrow. We only have a promise that her machine will be the next one worked on. Hopefully we will get it back tomorrow.

When we get that MacBook Pro back, I've got to give up this little baby here to Bratworse. Hope she will enjoy it as much as I loved using it. And hopefully the MacBook Pro will hold up. Because I am NOT a gentle user. This poor little iBook has keys askew, the lid askew and various other little things cause I've kicked it, dropped it and other stuff.

We shall see. In the meantime, I will be putting up this post every day (duplicates) until Apple calls up Bratworse, apologizes to Bratworse for her experience, and gives her something to make all of this awful experience better.

Oh, the OTHER thing she's pissed of at Apple about? We paid $2500 for the MacBook Pro, and it didn't come with a word processing program. Never mind that it came with Garage Band and all this other multi-media programs that she'd have to pay HUNDREDS of dollars for on the PC platform. She's pissed cause she had to dish out $125 for a word processing program. Of all things to leave out, to leave out a WORD-PROCESSING program was a really dumb move, Apple.

Sounds of Silence

2005-10-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

Yeah I know neither of us has posted in a while. Work got hectic for me, school got hectic for Bratworse, and also two words: new games.

Besides, the only thing I'm really observing and paying attention to, are posts about Plamegate. So I'm reading Firedoglake and Americablog religiously several times a day. But to feed this new addiction I've had to cut back on others like Talking Points Memo, The News Blog, and T-Bogg. I still check in on them daily. Just not several times a day like I used to. The readings from Firedoglake usually are long and in-depth which is what I like since Flamegate has so many players and twists and turns.

If Plamegate really does bring Fitzmas around early, there will be such a celebration aboard the Monarch of the Seas this weekend. Bratworse and I are going on a gay cruise (our first real vacation!) and we're going with my best friend and his lover. Can you imagine the festivities aboard this ship as the men who stoked up anti-gay sentiments get indicted? Whoooo-yah!

And then, to top off the trip, DISNEYLAND! Those of you who've known me for years, knows there's a very real disconnect in my head about Disney and Disneyland. Disney at times represents the evil empire to me, yet Disneyland will always be the happiest place on earth for me. Something magical happens to me there. I manage to live in the present and actually be happy. Bratworse can tell you, me and happy doesn't quite go together. Don't get me wrong. I laugh a lot. But if my brain starts to analyze, the happiness dissipates to be replaced by intellectual curiosity.

Let's put it this way. My friend RangerRobb would hit a jackpot on the slots and be giddy for hours, maybe days. Me? I'd hit a jackpot and instantly try to remember all the combinations prior, so I could recognize when the next jackpot might hit. Yah yah, I was never known for my brains.

Anyway, there might be more Sounds of Silence coming up from Cholotto. Again, Nanowrimo is kicking off November 1st. 50,000 words in a novel before November 30th. That just might hamper my writing efforts here, or it might stimulate it. Time will tell.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

sports

2005-08-18T16:52:00.000-07:00

Sports talk... well, okay... mostly football talk... well alright! I'll admit it! It's 90% Raider talk! Sheesh. Like there's any other football team worth writing about:

Acquisition of Moss dated March 11 by r.i.
Obligation to be Greedy dated 2005/March 5 by r.i.

Reviews

2005-08-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

Reviews! Getcha red-hot reviews here!

Game reviews:

Movie reviews:

RedBeard dated 2005/August 17 by r.i. 7 out of 10 rating

Book reviews:

TV reviews:

Politics

2005-08-09T12:14:00.001-07:00

Here are all of our posts on politics and all that b.s.: (Greyed out ones are time-relevant so unless you want to see what the heat of the moment arguments, don't bother)

Abandon Ship!	2004/09/01	r.i.
And Those Twins!	2004/09/17	r.i.
Answers, Please	2004/09/23	r.i.
Are You Calling Me a Liar?	2005/01/18	r.i.
As Pols Spin	2004/09/07	r.i.
Being Right Brings No Joy	2005/05/11	r.i.
Bush's Stinginess	2004/12/30	r.i.
Celebration of Mediocrity	2005/01/20	r.i.
Charlatans and How to Catch 'Em	2005/05/10	r.i.
A Cheap and Tawdry Trick	2004/10/14	r.i.
CNN's Offbeat Pictures	2005/05/27	r.i.
Confusion in Perspectives	2005/04/20	r.i.
Debt Society	2005/03/08	r.i.
The Death of My Father	2005//03/30	r.i.
Defining Blogging - Journalism?	2005/03/04	r.i.
Division, Subtraction Just Doesn't Add Up	2004/08/10	r.i.
Enough! I Want My Money Back!	2005/03/23	r.i.
Enough With the Snark!	2005/02/09	r.i.
Equal Opportunity	2005/02/23	r.i.
Fairness	2005/08/16	r.i.
First Impressions of the Presidential Debate	2004/09/30	r.i.
Flip-Flopping Away	2004/09/01	r.i.
A Football Metaphor	2004/09/22	r.i.
For Those of You Still Thinking about Privatizing Social Security...	2005/05/19	r.i.
[Forgot to title this]	2005/02/18	r.i.
The G.I. Jane of Journalists	2005/04/13	r.i.
Govenator or Governator	2004/09/15	r.i.
Happy 1st Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/02	r.i.
Happy 2nd Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/03	r.i.
Happy 3rd Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/04	r.i.
Happy 4th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/05	r.i.
Happy 7th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/08	r.i.
Happy 8th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/09	r.i.
Happy 9th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/10	r.i.
Happy 10th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/11	r.i.
Happy 11th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/12	r.i.
Happy 14th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/15	r.i.
Happy 15th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/16	r.i.
Happy 16th Day of Vacation, George aka Precedent Setting President	2005/08/17	r.i.
Happy 17th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/18	r.i.
Happy 18th Day of Vacation, George!	2005/08/19	r.i.
Hawaii to the Forefront	2004/08/26	r.i.
How's the View from Up Here? Cynical, Thank You Very Much	2004/10/07	r.i.
How Texas Supports Troops	2005/08/18	r.i.
Hmm... Could it Be?	2005/03/31	r.i.
I am Gay But Not a Hooker	2005/02/25	r.i.
Idealism by Another Name	2004/08/05	r.i.
If You See CIA Heading Your Way	2004/09/10	r.i.
I Love It 3	2005/03/10	r.i.
I'm Still Trying to Wrap My Head Around What Happened...	2004/11/03	r.i.
Insomnia	2004/11/03	r.i.
Is It My Imagination or?	2005/02/02	r.i.
It's Sad	2004/11/12	r.i.
It's So Great to be an American	2005/02/16	r.i.
It's time to Play	2005/02/16	r.i.
Its What We're Doing, Not What We Are	2004/11/23	r.i.
It Wasn't About Values	2005/01/19	r.i.
Job Searching	2005/07/28	bw
Kicking a Gift Horse in the Mouth	2005/05/26	r.i.
Kindness - Bwahahahaha	2005/03/17	r.i.
Left Behind	2005/07/13	r.i.
Lesson to Andy Card	2005/07/26	r.i.
Liberal Pansies	2004/12/09	r.i.
Meetings with Secret Service	2005/03/30	r.i.
Mind Tricks of the Familial Kind	2005/06/21	r.i.
Month Long Vacation	2005/07/21	r.i.
Musings	2004/08/05	r.i.
Name Dropping Inanity	2004/08/31	r.i.
No Need to Shout	2004/09/16	r.i.
Not Pressure, Indignation!	2004/08/27	r.i.
One Thin Wafer	2005/05/17	r.i.
Phantom Accounts	2005/05/03	r.i.
Playing Right into Their Hands	2005/05/03	r.i.
Playing Telephone - A Demonstration by the Press	2004/08/26	r.i.
Polimagicians	2004/11/30	r.i.
Poll I'd Really Like to See	2004/08/18	r.i.
Poor, No Insurance, Out of Work, But Don't Let Those Gays Marry	2004/10/29	r.i.
Possibilities	2004/08/30	r.i.
Powell and Rove	2005/07/08	r.i.
Princeton Principles	2005/04/28	r.i.
Private Accounts in Easy Words	2005/03/08	r.i.
Prove It to Me	2005/08/02	r.i.
Punching Back	2004/09/16	r.i.
Quick Impressions	2004/08/24	r.i.
Reading Live Talk with Dan Froomkin	2005/03/09	r.i.
Reality Meet Distortion	2005/03/01	r.i.
Recycling Puzzlements	2005/01/14	r.i.
Repartee & Witticisms	2004/08/24	r.i.
Responsible but Not Culpable	2004/08/25	r.i.
Rumsfeld's Responses - Good Enough For Congress & Public...	2005/02/17	r.i.
Shooting Oneself in the Foot	2005/08/19	r.i.
Signs of the Times	2004/09/27	r.i.
Social Security Magic	2004/12/07	r.i.
Solution!	2005/04/20	r.i.
The Stupidity of Pundits	2004/10/08	r.i.
Suggestion for Garrett	2005/03/02	r.i.
Thank You Chris Bowers	2005/02/10	r.i.
There's a Reason...	2004/09/01	r.i.
Torture and the American People	2005/04/05	r.i.
Torture and Dick Durbin	2005/06/23	r.i.
Two Excellent Posts	2004/11/30	r.i.
Under Threat	2004/10/14	r.i.
Unintentional Funny	2005/08/12	r.i.
Urbanite v. Ruralist	2004/11/15	r.i.
War's Coming, Get Ready for Gay Bashing	2004/11/08	r.i.
What It Says About Us	2005/01/17	r.i.
What? No Royal We?	2004/09/21	r.i.
What Should be Taught in Journalism	2005/03/09	r.i.
When to Come in Out of the Rain	2005/07/06	r.i.
White House Press Corp = Pro Bowl?	2005/03/14	r.i.
Who Benefits	2004/12/22	r.i.
Why Watch it?	2004/09/27	r.i.

Gaming

2005-08-09T12:14:00.000-07:00

Here are all of our posts on Gaming-Obsess Much?:

Gaming In RL dated 2005/July 11 by bw
I Want Skyscrapers, Damnit dated 2005/July 4 by r.i.
Level 48 Paladin dated 2005/August 15 by r.i.
Sim City 4 dated 2005/June 28 by r.i.
Women Gamers dated 2005/June 28 by r.i.

Relatives

2005-08-09T12:13:00.001-07:00

Here are all of our posts about our relatives:

Confusion in Perspectives dated 2005/April 20 by r.i.
The Death of My Father dated 2005/March 30 by r.i.
Feathers Flying Out of My Head! dated 2005/July 6 by r.i.
It's a Wonder I Don't Get Shot dated 2005/June 1 by r.i.
July 11, 2005 - Gotti dated 2005/July 11 by bw
July 28, 2005 - Mnemosyne dated 2005/July 28 by bw
June 27, 2005 - Guitarist dated 2005/June 27 by bw
Okay, Who Did a Time Warp on Us? dated 2005/August 11 by r.i.
Relationships dated 2005/March 24 by r.i.
Vacation all I ever wanted dated 2005/July 8 by bw

Gay

2005-08-09T12:13:00.000-07:00

Here are all of our posts about Scary Gay Stuff (and yes, that includes Lesbian stuff):

Amazing... dated 2005/June 26 by r.i.
Kicking a Gift Horse in the Mouth dated 2005/May 26 by r.i.
Okay, Who Did a Time Warp on Us? dated 2005/August 11 by r.i.

Art

2005-08-09T11:40:00.000-07:00

Discussions about the many facets of art:

A Gordon Gecko Story dated 2005/April 6 by r.i.
Stuck Rubber Baby dated 2005/April 15 by r.i.
West Wing dated 2005/April 27 by r.i.

Cool

2005-08-09T11:38:00.000-07:00

Here are all of our posts about Cool Shit:

Amazing... dated 2005/June 26 by r.i.
Baby Birdies! dated 2005/May 5 by r.i.
Blogher, I Don't Even Know Her! dated 2005/August 10 by r.i.
Doodad to Me One More Time dated 2005/August 8 by r.i.

Thoughts

2005-08-09T11:35:00.000-07:00

Here are our Reveries & Paranoias:

Alluring Images dated 2005/April 13 by r.i.
American Humor dated 2005/April 26 by r.i.
Communistic or Capitalistic dated 2005/June 30 by r.i.
Confusion in Perspectives dated 2005/April 20 by r.i.
The Death of My Father dated 2005/March 30 by r.i.
Fear of Death dated 2005/March 21 by r.i.
The First Drag dated 2005/July 13 by r.i.
Get out the Grease dated 2005/March 31 by r.i.
Getting Rid of the Drag-on dated 2005/April 11 by r.i.
Good Vibrations dated 2005/August 3 by r.i.
A Gordon Gecko Story dated 2005/April 6 by r.i.
How do We Begin? dated 2005/June 21 by r.i.
Invention Needed dated 2005/July 19 by r.i.
Left Behind dated 2005/July 13 by r.i.
The Mathematics of It All dated 2005/July 7 by r.i.
Moving and Cross-Referencing dated 2005/June 29 by r.i.
Perceptions of Size dated 2005/July 6 by r.i.
PMS & Paranoia dated 2005/May 13 by r.i.
Powell and Rove dated 2005/July 8 by r.i.
The Price of Love dated 2005/August 3 by r.i.
Relationships dated 2005/March 24 by r.i.
Science & God dated 2005/August 8 by r.i.
Standards & Measures dated 2005/June 24 by r.i.
The Thing I miss Most dated 2005/June 29 by r.i.
Thinking OuTlOuD dated 2005/August 12 by bw
*Warning* Gross but Necessary Post dated 2005/August 12 by r.i.
Weird Night dated 2005/June 23 by r.i.
WriterBoy to the Rescue! dated 2005/April 28 by r.i.

Bwahahahaha

2005-08-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

I decided to post all of Cholotto's filing system here.

bwahahahahaha's posted here, because sometimes, a braying guffaw says it all.

Better Than a Stack of Bills dated 2005/August 16 by r.i.
Clear the way for Economic Growth dated 2005/June 29 by r.i.
Feathers Flying Out of My Head! dated 2005/July 6 by r.i.
Happy 16th Day of Vacation, George aka Precedent Setting President dated 2005/August 17 by r.i.
It's a Mystery Why I Don't Get Shot dated 2005/June 1 by r.i.
Manners dated 2005/May 25 by r.i.
Now I Know What it Feels Like to be WriterBoy dated 2005/April 12 by r.i.
Perils of Being Half Asleep dated 2005/July 7 by r.i.
Unintentional Funny dated 2005/August 12 by r.i.
Wazzat? Did I Hear You Right? dated 2005/July 12 by r.i.

Ms. Cell Annie

2005-08-09T11:25:00.000-07:00

I decided to post Cholotto's filing system here.

Here are all of our posts on Ms. Cell Annie:

Air Ports, Air Planes, and Air Delays	2005/07/06	bw
Blogher, I Don't Even Know Her!	2005/08/10	r.i.
Blow bubbles not smoke	2005/06/27	r.i.
Calling All Inventors	2005/05/12	r.i.
Distorted Dreams	2005/07/04	r.i.
Dreadlogging	2005/07/11	bw
Fog	2005/08/27	bw
Good Vibrations	2005/08/03	r.i.
Huh?	2005/04/12	r.i.
Liar Liar	2005/08/01	r.i.
The Lieing Cycle	2005/07/08	bw
More Requests and Refusals	2005/07/18	r.i.
New One	2005/07/26	r.i.
Pheonix Union	2005/07/11	bw
Postal Anyone?	2005/04/14	r.i.
Question for the Ages	2005/01/14	r.i.
Recycling Puzzlements	2005/07/18	r.i.
Requests and Refusals	2005/07/11	r.i.
Tables on Blogger	2005/08/19	bw
Voting	2004/11/02	r.i.
The Weather Report	2005/08/16	bw
What We Look Like Together	2005/07/06	r.i.

Moving and cross-referencing

2005-06-29T15:46:00.000-07:00

Hi there

I know there's about 5 of you regularly checking in, tho you're awfully silent. I hope I've made you laugh or think or scream or something... :)

My lover and I decided to get a website together and thus we're blogging together. So, I'm now posting on Cholotto. We've also set up an indexing system there so I'll be slowly going through my old posts and filing them under the appropriate headings.

I might still post here. I love the title Distorted Dreams since it seems so apt for today's environment and, I've been a dreamer since I could name what dreaming was.

We worked on the site over the weekend and have set up a filing system on the new blog so if you want to find out about all my neuroses about my family per se, you'll be able to find all my posts in one place.

Oh, and we'll be throwing up some graphics up there as well. So instead of just words, you'll get words and pictures... what a concept. Hmm wonder if we can make books out of merging words and pictures... nah, no one wants to read. (sorry, old comics in-joke here)

Anyway, see you at the new spot!

Filed under thoughts.

Standards and Measures

2005-06-24T12:41:00.000-07:00

One day, someone smart and forceful will say, whenever things are measured, the standardization will be global. I'm not just talking the metric system and the old English system either. (Which btw, should've given the world a clue about U.S. arrogance and stubborness).

Case in point: Co-worker turns to me and asks, what is a billion.

My response? "I can't answer that. I've been confused all my life about that question."

So then I look it up on Dictionary.com and therein lies the quandry I've found myself in these past 30 years. In America, a billion = a thousand million, that is, 1 with 9 zeros after it. I grew up in Singapore, a commonwealth country. There, we were taught that a billion = a million million, that is, 1 with 12 zeros after it.

So, my question to you all is: #1 - so does China have 4,000,000,000 or 4,000,000,000,000? 2) is Bill Gates worth $40,000,000,000 or $40,000,000,000,000? and the same goes for our federal deficit.

Cause you know, those 3 zeros? They mean quite a lot.

Filed under thoughts.

Torture and Dick Durbin

2005-06-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

It just hit me, no wonder the GOP and their ilk believe in and use torture. It works for them!

Look at the poor sad Dick Durbin. See a man broken by the torturers. Watch his tears as he apologies for saying the truth. Watch him weep for his ethics, for kowtowing.

Mr. McCain. Take a close look at what happened to this poor man. Remember when you weeped for your soul at the hands of your torturers? Seem familiar?

This is what they do. The purpose of Gitmo ISN'T to get at the truth, nor is it to get at terrorists. The purpose of Gitmo is to try and provide SOME justification for our invasions. Just watch.

Filed under politics & B.S.

Weird Night

2005-06-23T10:43:00.000-07:00

It was a very weird night last night.

When I arrived home, I had gotten into a strange-ass mood... I was alternately sad and scared. Poor lover had no idea how to console me, she just held me. The slightest sad thought made me break into sobs. All I had to think of was my cat dying... or my girl going away for a few days and I'd be wracked with sobs.

So smart me, thought hey, since I'm in this mood anyway, why don't we watch Torch Song Trilogy? Wrong! Just the opening made me sob - "That's Anne Bancroft! I forgot she was in this! *sniff* She died 2 Mondays ago... *sniff* waaaaaaaaaaaah"

Well, needless to say, this short movie got dragged out to 3 hours cause of the constant stoppage to hold me and dry my tears and wait for the sobs to subside.

She thinks I'm menopausing. That's how she's dealing with this weirdness. Me? I think I'm psychically receiving some sad news from someone... and channelling it.

This morning I woke and the world has a happier lilt to it. My mind can touch on sad subjects without my eyes tearing immediately. Drastic and wonderful improvement. I wonder if she's right or I am. I don't want to be going through the change yet. I'm too young!

BTW, as I'm screaming that I'm too young, I'm off to go get bifocals today... Ahhh the cruel ironies of life.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Mind Tricks of the Familial Kind

2005-06-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

If you have a son hell-bent on proving he's better than you, so much so that he'd bring a country to war just to show that he can do it better than you, and you cannot publically show disapproval or it means repercussions for your other son, for your family, for your political cache, what do you do?

Why, you adopt someone who is more popular and more successful than either of you were, of course.

Does anyone else read anything else into Bill Clinton spending a weekend with Bush Sr. at Bush Sr's home? God, this must gall Jr. to no end. Bravo, H.W. Nicely played.

As a child of familial mind-fucks, this one was up in J.R. Ewing territory. I'm impressed. But seriously, a tad afraid of what Jr's fucked up psyche will do to us, the ordinary people. After all, over 1,000 of us died already to soothe his ego at being inferior to his father.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

How do we begin?

2005-06-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

So I mention at work, "Did you guys know that there's a petition online to have the U.N. out of the U.S."

and here are my two responses:

"I didn't even know the U.N. was based here."

"It's about time! The U.N.'s worthless. Bunch o' dictators!"

I sat astonished. Then I realized that if I hadn't visited New York as a child and visited the U.N. building, perhaps I wouldn't have known that the U.N. was based there.

So my question to you all is, how do we begin to educate? These are grown smart men we're talking about. One with a college degree.

The second thing that hit me during this conversation was... the hermetically sealed world of most Americans is going to be the downfall of America. I mean, I've read in newspaper reports that Iraq was going to be the first Muslim democracy.... and my immediate reaction was, gee, what does that make Malaysia or Indonesia (tho most would probably say that Indonesia's elections are rigged but then, umm wasn't ours? Oh you mean the battle in the courts didn't result in a court appointed president? Wow, must be nice in your world)

And Iranian elections a sham? Then why was a moderate elected last time? If ineffectuality is the hallmark of a sham, then I guess our dear leader currently proves that this past election was a sham.

What I see happening in America is a direct result of high schools NOT teaching world history or geography or world politics. Also a result of bad media coverage of world events. I mean, basically, the only time world politics and events penetrate the U.S. consciousness seems to be when disasters happen, like government takeovers, tsunamis and the ilk.

So tell me folks, how do we educate people?

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Must Be Nice....

2005-06-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading Howie Kurtz's Media Notes and I see this:

Now here's a shock. Remember that American Petroleum Institute guy hired by the White House, who began watering down government reports on climate change? He quit after the New York Times disclosed his role and now, the paper reports :

"Philip A. Cooney, the White House staff member who repeatedly revised government scientific reports on global warming, will go to work for ExxonMobil in the fall, the oil company said today."

Wow, so you mean the reward for propaganda, the reward for doctoring up documents, the reward for LYING TO THE PUBLIC, the reward for having no values, the reward for being a bottom open-ass boy for the government and its big business cronies, is for big business to give you a nice cushy job.

So the lesson here boys and girls, pay NO attention to the homilies of children's books. It DOES pay to be a lying prick. It DOES pay to be a toady. It DOES pay to be an ethically-challenged, immoral, lying son of a bitch.

God, these people make me so sick.

It's a Mystery Why I Don't Get Shot

2005-06-01T15:14:00.000-07:00

Following is an exchange that just happened between my girl and I:

PatientGF: is it fire fighers or Fire Fighters? [She's asking for clarification in capitalization]

Smartassme: well, it's actually fire fighters [Me being the anal speller]

PatientGF: We held a similar event last September and the presence of 4 of your fire fighters and a fire engine were a big hit among our attendees. I believe the four Fire Fighters also enjoyed the event and the interest of our BERT members. [This is the part she wants clarified for something she's putting out at work]

Smartassme: the four fire fighters

PatientGF: but it's a noun [Ah, U.S. English standards... a wonder to behold]

Smartassme: so is event. So is attendees [very surprised at myself here... that I stopped at two examples]

Smartassme: a noun is just a word that describes a thing

Smartassme: are you saying it's a proper noun? [So of course, I had to look up proper noun on Dictionary.com cause I don't trust that I can define it properly ... ugh i guess pun semi-intended]

Smartassme: proper noun
n.

A noun belonging to the class of words used as names for unique individuals, events, or places. Also called proper name.

Smartassme: fire fighter is not a "unique" thing in that sense

Smartassme: God is. Jesus is.

Smartassme: The Messengers of Kudos would be considered a proper noun. but not the fire fighters. Firehouse 586A would be a proper noun [Just to clarify what a smartass I truly am... messengers of Kudos is a reference to another discussion we had earlier today, in which I used accolades to define kudos and then found out that she knew what kudos meant but not accolades]

PatientGF: OMG

Now you see why it's a mystery why I haven't been shot yet?

Filed under Bwahahahaha, Bloodsport, err, Relatives.

CNN's offbeat pictures

2005-05-27T11:35:00.000-07:00

Looking over these pictures, one thing really strikes me about these photos that CNN.com runs, it's how 1950's they look, how vanilla white. Even photos that sometimes show other races (not this week, they're all white) seem to be straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

Start paying attention to visuals on TV. If a product is aimed at urban centers, they tend to feature more multi-cultured diversity... but if a product is aimed at middle America, look for seas upon seas of white folks. It's quite fascinating if not demeaning.

I keep wondering when they're going to show an aging New-Waver Asian Country Western dancing Bowler. Maybe then I could identify. :)

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Kicking a Gift Horse in the Mouth

2005-05-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

Okay. This has got my hackles up.

No, not Kraft, but the friggin' hijackers of this thread.

The Gays of this country has been demonized for the past umpteen years, ever since we gained a political voice during the 70's and 80's. We are the ones that get mobilized AGAINST. The people of America is not VOCIFEROUSLY out to curb rights for any other group EXCEPT gays.

For a company like KRAFT FOODS, the icon of middle America... for them to come out and say "We are proud sponsors of the Gay Games, and we're going to stay sponsors for the Gay Games despite the inundation of protests from these discriminating groups" I say KUDOS!

You have a choice in not eating their foods. If you read their labels and disagree with what they put into it, DON'T EAT IT. If you think others shouldn't eat them, START YOUR OWN THREAD ABOUT IT. But don't pollute their kudos!

How is this any better than George Bush saying, if you're not with us, you're with the terrorists?

Thank you, Kraft Foods. Thank you for sticking up for me.

Filed under Scary Gay Stuff, Politics & B.S..

Manners

2005-05-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

I'm really getting too much joy from being this snarky but I can't help myself.

I have ICQ on all the time at work for ONE person and one person only. That's my friend in Greece who refuses to use any other IM program. So for this one person in my life, I keep ICQ on. And we IM each other, oh about once a month if that.

But everyday, I get demands to be added onto contact lists.

Usually the messages are "Add me to your contact list" to which I deny and write back "Without a please? No way!" Sometimes, it's "Authorize my reguest" to which I reply "What's a reguest?" BTW, I usually have to type reguest like 5 times before I can get the misspelling right. Sometimes, sometimes, I have time for a long-winded response. "Why in the world would I bother to authorize such rudeness? Didn't your mother teach you anything? And why would I bother to respond to someone who can't even spell request?"

Yes, I'm a snob and I know it. But damn it, who the hell are these people who want to talk to me? I have NOTHING in my profile.

The ones who say please, and don't misspell words? They just get a nice decline without a reason. No lectures back. Now, THAT'S positive reinforcement.

Filed under Bwahahahaha.

Women gamers

2005-05-24T12:52:00.000-07:00

Xeni Jardin of Boingboing.net is going to be talking about women and gaming tonight. I wonder how many women gamers are my age - 42. I know, I know, most people playing things like Yahoo games and Pogo games are women over 40 (you guys should see how filled those dang rooms are! There's a bunch on topics, then quite a few in the under 20's... but 20's & 30's aren't that filled. Then I turned 40 and went to go check those chat rooms out... and whooo boy, they're crowded and raunchy.

I used to play online Bingo at BugleBingo.com... but then they changed the rules. It was great back in the first days there... I ended up winning about $2-300 from them. There it was like 80% women and great fun.

I also used to play Yahoo Mahjong... the real deal. Not the stupid solitaire game that you match tiles up but the real, 4-person, 5 hour involvement if you play 9 fans, 4 rounds. Again, there it was mainly women who played. Then they changed the rankings, and the subscription and I left that community. I still wonder about some of those people I used to play with like CrankyK9... he was a hoot.

After those two online communities, I found a MUD (Multi-User Dungeon) to hang out on. Threshold-rpg was a great game for 4 years... it was primarily role-playing SO as a result, the community was pretty even in gender ratio. About half the women enjoyed "borging" - the act of killing monster after monster to gain xp (experience points) - a fairly boring act except you used to be able to chat while in the midst of fighting. The other half pretty much stayed in social areas and used the game as a fantasy chat room. This MUD was unusual in that all but three channels of chat, you HAD to stay in character. So entering this game, you basically had to pretend you were this other person almost the entire time you played.

Threshold changed and most of my friends left that game and are now on NewWorlds-rpg, which is again a role-playing MUD. BTW, I know of like 20 couples that met in Threshold and got together. My love and I are one of those happy couples.

Most of the women I met through Threshold are in their late 20's to 40's. It was always great finding someone my age... We'd make 60's jokes that few got.

Me? I've been gaming since 1970's... since Pong first came out. I owned a Coleco-vision, an Atari and considered getting a Trash-80. In my house, I have 3 old macs, 2 old pc's, a pc laptop and a mac laptop. We have 2 PS2s and 2 Xbox and multiple multiple mutliple controllers. I think there are still some remnants of a playstation and a SNES somewhere in the house. The Genesis has been given to the person who owned half of it.

Will I ever stop gaming? I hope not. There's XBox 360, PS3 and lots more to check out!

Filed under Gaming-Obsess Much?.

For those of you still thinking about privatizing Social Security...

2005-05-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

I just want to point out something....

How many of you get inundated with ads for credit cards? Mortgages? Phones?

Just think, once we privatize social security, we're going to get tons of ads about which private company to invest our retirement funds.

The huge winners in this scenario? Well, other than the corporations who get the $? The advertising companies of course. The losers? Trees and retiring people.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

One Thin Wafer

2005-05-17T12:38:00.000-07:00

Remember Monty Python's The Meaning of Life?

Remember the outrageously obese man eating... and being tempted into having one more thing? "One thin wafer...." was the claim.

Remember the disgusting explosion?

How many of us thought, hmmm it was that one thin wafer that blew him up.

What's that, none?

The Newsweek article, is that one thin wafer, folks. This anti-American sentiment exploding? It is NOT the result of this wafer. It is the result of years of arrogance, this pre-emptive war, the HYPOCRISY from our administration.

So, go ahead, blame the one thin wafer. Meanwhile, the WH people are soooooo happy that the blame for everything going wrong can be pin on their favorite patsies, the media.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

PMS & Paranoia

2005-05-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

It's a dreary day today... and my mood reflects it.

I woke up in a bad mood, cause I have certain expectations and hate it when my body rebels. Lately, I've taken to sleeping at 11:30 pm. Anyone who has known me for a little while knows that I do NOT like to sleep before midnight. Anytime before midnight is wasted time. Actually 3 years ago, it was before 3 am.

So this morning, I woke up, glanced at my watch and saw 7:00. Immediately my mood turned dark. I am NOT supposed to wake up before 10, naturally. I slipped back into sleep and woke again at 7:35... and promptly realized the alarm had been turned off.

I jabbed her in the back and announced in a loud, grouchy voice, "Who turned off the alarm?"

Well, as ANYONE knows, when there's only two of you, and one asks that question, it is no longer a question, but an accusation. Needless to say, she didn't wake up in a good mood either.

*Okay, as an aside here. Why do we say needless to say, and then promptly say it?*

So as a result, I didn't get my morning snuggle. I count on that morning snuggle. That snuggle puts me in a much better mood, ready to face the world. When I don't get that snuggle, my whole world becomes one inhabited by paranoia.

Which is where I am right now. See, she's had a headache for over a week now. I think it's her head telling her to get away from me. That I'm pissing her off, that I'm bugging her, that I'm too much for her.

I know logically that this has really very little to do with her.

I know logically that this has everything to do with my childhood.

See, I used to be very sick as a child. And I'd get too much to handle. I mean, I would throw up the whole day long, then at night wouldn't be able to breathe, for weeks on end. And my mother? I was always so afraid that she'd leave me. Cause that's what she threatened to do... "Gum mah fan! Meen goh haang tsoh ah. Yu goh moh ngoh, ney deem baan ah?"

Translated, it means "So troublesome! Who'd want this? If you didn't have me, what would you do?"

Most of the time, it was said in a decent tone, but there were exasperated times, when she said it to make herself feel better about the martyrdom of it all. And those times, when her fears and her frustrations spilled out, I was petrified of being abandoned.

So now, whenever she pulls the silent treatment out, or she's been exasperated with me cause of my bad moods, I get panicked. I hear myself saying to myself, "Of course she's going to leave you. You're so troublesome. Who'd want to be with you." And then I brace myself for the abandonment. I'm all tense and jumpy, which only exarcerbates the situation.

As I write this, I realize I'm only confirming this in my own head. Seriously, who'd want to deal with all this? I don't understand why she stays. I wouldn't want to put up with all this myself, how could I expect her to?

I also know that since I'm on the verge of my period, that this is part of PMS.

That knowledge, however, does little to assuage my panic.

So, I just keep telling myself, I survived before she was in my life, and I will survive after. And I brace for the day, she announces to me that she's outgrown me, that I'm too immature for her, that I don't make her happy enough to counter the times I make her unhappy, that ... she doesn't love me enough to stay with me anymore.

I hope that day never happens. But I think I'm expecting it to.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Getting Me to Agree to No Abortions

2005-05-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

There's a way to get me to agree to make abortions illegal.

1) Make sure ALL businesses provide at least 6 weeks of pregnancy leave - paid.
2) Change adoption laws to make sure people of ALL persuasions get to adopt, ensuring all unwanted babies get a chance at a decent life.
3) Ensure that girls under the age of 21 (if they so choose) can have a place of support to stay at during their pregnancies (if their families are going to give them grief).
4) Real sex education to all kids.
5) Stop ooooh'ing every time anything sexual shows on screen, (Like Ms. Jackson's nipples) so that youngsters don't think of sex as SEX.
6) Ensure that the fathers of these unwanted kids have SOME responsibility.
7) Free gym pass for 2 years for any new mothers.

You people call it murder. I call it consideration.

EVERY woman I know that had an abortion, didn't rush into it. EVERY woman I know that had one, agonized and agonized over their decision. EVERY woman I know, looked far down the road to the future, and all they saw were obstructions and not just in their own lives, but that of the potential offspring and they opted for the more sensible route. Sensible in that they would've confined the child to a lifetime of scrambling. What parent hopes for that for a child?

So, unless you can come up with solutions that can avoid the pitfalls of having a child, that will have no social, financial or emotional repercussions YEARS DOWN THE LINE, I will never support the anti-abortion movement. Cause to me, you all are the selfish fuckers.

*Edited 5/17/05

Just read this editorial by E.J. Dionne on Thomas R. Suozzi. Suozzi basically stakes a position the same as mine, without the anger and bitterness - which is a good thing. What I'm saying here is, take care of the women and the children if you want to make abortion this evil thing, for abortion has been around since the dawn of time. It may not have been legal, but it most certainly was practiced.

The part I liked most was this quote from Suozzi:

"Women who choose abortion have their morality questioned. Women who choose to put a baby up for adoption have their maternal instincts questioned, and women who carry an unplanned pregnancy to full term when unmarried or financially insecure are often labeled irresponsible."

Remove these ostracizing labels and let's talk more.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Calling All Inventors

2005-05-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

Seems people are not happy about hands-free laws being passed all over the country. No, get your mind out of the gutter. Hands-free as in cell phones.

See, I'm against cell phones in cars. I don't own a cell phone and tho I'm fascinated by the technology, I won't get one. The ONLY three reasons I'd have to get one is, 1) for me to be able to call ahead when I'm late, 2) emergency usage if the car breaks down or I'm in an accident or 3) calling ahead to order food so that when I arrice I can just pay and leave with food in hand.

Not good enough reasons to endanger lives around me. Ah, but if only other people took this approach.

Well, apparently some people don't like the hands-free compromise (it's a compromise, really, because for YEARS we couldn't have a walkman blaring in our ears to rock out on). Wires tangling, earphones on passenger seat instead of on head. Oh, the trials and tribulations of the poor cell phone user.

So, I'm calling all inventors. WANTED: earpiece implants and mouthpiece implants. That way, you cell phone users won't annoy us anymore at the movie theaters, at the supermarket, at the bus-stop, on the roads. As for the mouthpiece implants and the problem of inarticulateness, seriously, don't worry. Judging from 90% of the conversations I've been forced to eavesdrop on, the conversations are inane anyway. And, the way our president likes to show off how he mispronounces simple words (NuKUlar), he's letting us know that as a nation, we too can be inarticulate simpletons.

Filed under Ms. Cell Annie.

Being Right Brings No Joy

2005-05-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

Remember this time last year? I do. It was right about this time that I quit playing a game I was involved in for 4 years. Why? Because the creator of the game. Threshold-rpg and I got into major fights on the forums about politics.

I was adamant about there being no connections prior to our invasion, between Iraq and Al Qaeda. I was adamant about there being no WMDs. I was adamant about Ronald Reagan NOT being as sainted as the media made him out to be.

And equally as adamant, was the creator. Iraq were breeding terrorists. We gotta hurt them before they hurt us again. Reagan stopped the Cold War and ended communism.

Well, it turns out I'm right.

And Tom Ridge's confession about sounding terror alerts based on "flimsy" evidence is yet another argument I won.

But there is no joy.

See, you people who voted for Bush. Even as we made these accusations, most of us HOPED we were wrong. Because if we were right, the implications were terrifying. The implications were, we were being lied to, and most of us didn't care that there were untruths.

But I guess that is the sad truth, isn't it? As long as we have our pc's, our tv's, our internet, our ipods, our guns - who cares that the government is actively trying to make destitute our futures.

America - Land of the Stupified Zombies.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Charlatans and how to catch 'em

2005-05-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

When I was a youngster, I was quite sick with bronchial asthma. My mother tried all sorts of doctors to try and cure me. One doctor she tried, was this new doctor everyone was talking about. "She's amazing!" claimed her friends.

So, off we trotted, to check this new doctor out. I remember she being in the Indonesian consulate building or near that. I remember those wonderful teak carvings of their shadow puppets on the side of the building.

Well, the good doctor saw us, after like a 2 hour wait. The waiting room was full of sick people and my mother was disgusted by the "local people." See, my mother is pretty much a snob. We went to private doctors in Singapore cause she didn't trust the "local people."

The doctor prescribed medicine, then told my mother "She (me) will probably have some ill effects from the medicine at first. Don't worry. Just keep feeding her the medicine and after a few times of seeing me, she will get much better."

Well, I don't remember much (I think I was 8) but apparently, my reaction to the medicine petrified my mother. So much so, she wouldn't go back to that doctor after another visit or two. I remember thinking as a child, that it was more a reaction to the "local people" than to my reaction (especially since I had no memory of my reactions).

Well, months later, my mother looked up triumphantly from reading the Straits Times, and declared to me, "See! I was right to take you away from that doctor!" In the newspaper, was an article about how that doctor was hauled away for fraud. Apparently, she was poisoning her patients, then removing that poison and voila! Instant cure.

Of course, she never told her patients she had been poisoning them in the first place.

WHICH brings us in a totally roundabout way to today's topic: the Charlatan in the White House.

Here's our Idjit-in-Chief trying to explain on Estonian TV why terrorism has risen in the past two years.

"Q Latest surveys show that the numbers of terrorism are increasing, not decreasing.

"THE PRESIDENT: Yes.

"Q Why is that?

"THE PRESIDENT: Well --

"Q You have made a lot of efforts.

"THE PRESIDENT: Yes, that's why. If we weren't trying to find the enemy and bring him to justice, the world would look relatively peaceful. But we're on the offense. And so when you engage the enemy, when you try to bring them to justice, they don't like to be brought to justice."

Hmmm, anyone smell a Charlatan?

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Baby Birdies!

2005-05-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

My girl thinks it's very weird but I've been hooked on this site now for 4 days. I keep checking on it to see what the baby falcons are doing.

I think the story is something like this. 5 years ago, people noticed a bunch of peregrine falcons flying around the PG&E building in San Francisco.

Three years ago, the nice people at the Santa Cruz Predatory Bird Research Group convinced PG&E to put in a granite filled nest box.

Last year, one infertile egg was laid in it.

And this year, George and Gracie have produced FOUR healthy baby falcons. They're white, fuzzy and hungry!

George and Gracie are busy hunting food for the four kids, so they're very rarely on camera. It's always a treat to see one or the other. I was really worried about one of the kids the first day I found this site. It seemed lethargic but I'm so very happy to see that the four seem very rambunctious today. They're not sleeping as much as they did the previous four days I've been watching. OH! And the four got banded yesterday. None of them seem the worse for wear.

Anyway, hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

Filed under Cool Shit.

Phantom Accounts

2005-05-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, so why have I been paying back on money I owe for Social Security? Every month, the IRS takes $150 out of my account to pay on this. I owed no income tax, I just owe on Social Security. But Scott McClellan says my money is going into a PHANTOM ACCOUNT?

I WANT MY MONEY BACK THEN! Assholes!

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Princeton Principles

2005-04-28T18:14:00.000-07:00

As much as I like to complain about America, and as much as I want to flee the country right now because of the signs of possible fascism creeping over the nation's government, there are times when I'm just damn proud I'm part of this country.

Students, joined by two faculty members so far, have been filibustering under adverse weather conditions in front of the Frist Campus Center at Princeton University (Sen. Frist's alma mater) for over 55 hours so far. They've been reading from phone books, The Pet Goat, physics text books, anything to keep the filibuster going. Hop over here for a look for yourselves!

These students are making an impact in their way and more power to them! I'm so proud to be an American cause of these guys.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Writerboy to the Rescue!

2005-04-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

About 5 years ago, I got burnt out. I had worked in a vacuum, pouring my heart and soul into representing artists and the vacuum got to me.

I opted out, made changes in my life and chose a life of non-ambition for the rest of my life (subject to change of course).

However, recently, the side of me that I see in my head as the "Ethel Merman" side of me as in "There's NO business like SHOW business like NO business I know." that side of me has been clamoring for some attention. ANY attention.

To quell it, I did a really truly dumb thing. I googled some friends/acquaintances names. SO! Here's what I found out - a childhood pal is now the executive producer of MTV Asia; a woman I almost dated directed the Wild Thornberries; an ex-client whom I had always told would have his career be a feast or famine type career is going through a feasting right now; another ex-client is being showcased as a guest of the Comic-con.

My self-esteem plunged. My self-hatred roared back to life.

I im'ed WriterBoy, talk to me please. I need help.

[fanfare please]

Here he comes to save the day! Writerboy asks me what would I choose to do if I had a random 4 hours. I said besides play games and smoke? I guess Innovate. He said, play games and smoke, right? So, if you were one of those people, a director, a producer, would you have time to do that?

He's absolutely right. I deliberately chose a life of simplicity. A job that I don't take home with me, a life of games shared by a partner who loves games as much as I do, a life of few obligations. And honestly? I love it when people are jealous of my lifestyle. And people are.

I don't want the lifestyle of the famous. I just want the notoriety. Writerboy knows that I was notorious within the comic book industry. I just miss that. So much thanks Writerboy, for reminding me that I chose my life and that I wanted it.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

West Wing

2005-04-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

She put on West Wing last night, just as background noise while we played. But as always, I got caught up in Aaron Sorkin's writing. Yes, this was one of the reruns showing on Bravo.

I still haven't been able to see any episode since Aaron Sorkin left. People keep telling me to give it a try (because I was the one who passionately persuaded them to watch West Wing in the first place) and I just can't. After all, Aaron Sorkin was God to me.

Last night's episode was the one where Ainsley Hayes joined the cast. I LOVED that character, republican tho she was. And it was the one of the few episodes I felt that Mr. Sorkin cheated.

The other story running with this one (aside from C.J. being paranoid about going to jail) was about an African leader who was begging for drugs to combat Aids in his country. Remember?

Here's my complaint. The whole payoff for the African leader story was to show Ainsley why she should work for the White House. I was a tad upset when I realized this. But as a creator myself, I'm not sure I could've done better. He had to show Ainsley that she really did want to work there. He had to conclude the African leader storyline. As a creator, I could see the attractiveness of tying the two together.

Why do I say he cheated? It was almost too... too easy. I mean it would've worked if the emotional payoff was really high. Then the easy route would've been forgiven. The other thing that happened was my editor voice kept cropping up during the last scenes, like hmm, why did they leave the door open? How in the world could Ainsley just witness something like that in the Oval Office and yes I know she was in Leo's office but COME ON!

Anyway, I just had to share the first inkling I had that my God had feet of clay. Aaron, I'm still a true believer. I just think you ran out of time and took the easy way out here.

Filed under Facets & Galleries of Art.

American Humor

2005-04-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

Normally, I find King of Queens to be a pretty funny show. Leah Remini reminds us of my girl and of course I get Dougie.

However, the other day, they had an opening sequence that truly disgusted me.

Kevin James and Jerry Stiller were sitting around the dining table eating hamburgers. Mr. Stiller asked for "Cat-sup." Followed by mocking by Mr. James - which I didn't mind. But he crossed the line when he was insistent that Mr. Stiller call it "Ketchup" and ended up bullying Mr. Stiller into saying it that way by soaking the hamburger in red sauce.

How is that funny?

This side to America has always befuddled me. I don't get what is in the least bit amusing about forcing someone to do things your way, in the land of the free. I see irony. But I do not see humor.

There's a part of me that's starting to believe that the reason white people in the U.S. are getting larger and larger, is because there's an inherent belief that if you're big, no one will push you around and you can do the pushing. Because that's pretty much what America is becoming, a pushy neighbor that doesn't care that his dog is shitting in someone else's house.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Solution!

2005-04-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

In Dan Froomkin's article today, he talks about the WH briefings' inability to let people know where the questions are coming from due to time constraints.

Dan Dan Dan Dan Dan... *sigh*

You yourself googled Scotty (my middle name is Polly) McClellan's answers a couple of weeks back. And saw how each answer was a variation of others. SO!

Here is the solution to the WH's time constraints. Mix 'n Match answers! Since Scott McClellan's answers are all variations on a theme by Rovemaninoff, just give out answers at the bottom of the filing and then in conjunction with the questions, match the answer up. See?

It'll clarify who the questions came from, it'll give out the answers as Rove wanted them, it'll cut down on the transcription time, it'll probably free up McClellan's time, since he won't necessarily have to be AT the briefings to give out a good (as in parroting) answer, AND it'll let people know exactly how non-answers the answers actually are. Oh wait. That was it, wasn't it, you guys didn't want anyone to know that you don't answer questions.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

[Edited July 6, 2005]
So I click on the above link and guess what? The link leads to TODAY'S WH Briefing! *mutters* I WISH these papers would realize that links abound and that if there's linking to columns, that EACH COLUMN should have it's own link instead of to a dynamic one?

Confusion in Perspectives

2005-04-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

I am 41 years old. All my life, one message has been drilled into me - one that I didn't question, one that I unblinkingly swallowed. This message was - Red China bad. Taiwan/Chiang Kai-Shek good.

This was the message my mother drilled into me. Strangely enough, my cousin got hers from her father and that was - Japan bad. Chinese good.

My father, on the other hand, never said much. I think the only message I got from him was work good. Stay at home bad.

Recently, I watched a movie about the three Soong sisters. In this movie, Chiang Kai Shek was portrayed as vain, corrupt and inept. And recently, I read Billmon's postabout Time magazine and Henry Luce in which again, Chiang is presented as corrupt and inept.

*BANG*

That was the sounds of two worlds colliding.

I don't trust China. I don't trust that the leaders will not turn on its citizenry the way it did during Tianamen Square. I grew up not trusting China and I don't think I ever will. But I can recognize that this distrust is different from the one my mother had. She doesn't trust that the government won't take away the material goods. But my world hasn't changed on this.

I asked my mother the other day about the Soong sisters. She was surprised to hear that I watched it. When will she realize that my curiousity will never be sated? Anyway, she said something about one of my relatives who worked closely with the third sister who married the banker who was truly corrupt and how that brought down our relative. I really should write this stuff down.

But am I to understand now, that Chiang wasn't supposed to be China's savior? That the fight for China's soul was rather, a fight for China's money? (okay okay! As I'm typing that, I'm realizing how stupidly naive I sounded) *sigh* Time to educate myself on what *really* happened in China during the 1900's to 1950's.

Filed under Politics & B.S., Bloodsport, err Relatives, and Reveries & Paranoias.

Stuck Rubber Baby

2005-04-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

When I first worked as an agent in comic books, I was witness to a very wonderful birthing: Stuck Rubber Baby by Howard Cruse.

About every two to three months, Howard would send us a xeroxed copy of his latest chapter. When the pages arrived, the office would stop. Fights broke out over who got to read the chapter first. I am not kidding about this.

Recently, Howard and I got in touch with each other again and I was very very pleased to see that this book is now translated into several languages.

I'm very very fond of Howard. There's a few reasons why. Howard and Eddie carved a life for themselves in New York, and after umpteen years, Howard STILL talks with a slight twang in his voice, still dresses in plaid shirts and still has a tender heart. I don't know how he did that. I would've been swallowed up by the New York culture, accent and attitude permanently shifted.

For four years, I watched Howard pour his soul into this graphic novel. It's semi-autobiographical, which becomes very apparent if you've read it and have met Howard and even now, the investment in Stuck Rubber Baby shows. So please help and make this investment pay off. Make DC Comics reprint this baby over and over again until Howard can make *some* royalties off it.

Filed under Facets & Galleries of Art.

Postal, Anyone?

2005-04-14T16:54:00.000-07:00

Little hint for those of you who work around someone quitting cigarettes.

Pursing your lips and making like you're sucking down a cig ISN'T funny. ESPECIALLY when the person you're doing it to, is TRYING REALLY REALLY HARD not to think about sucking down a cigarette.

There must be a law that says it's okay to do harm while quitting cigarettes. There MUST be!

Filed under Ms. Cell Annie.

Alluring Images

2005-04-13T18:11:00.000-07:00

In a way, it's incredible. I mean, part of me is fascinated by what's going on with my body. I'm watching this and as I'm going through the withdrawal, I'm detailing what's going on.

Like, here's what just happened.

I turned on the WoW program... and just as the screen popped up to ask for the login name, my arm tensed to move and I stopped it. I realized the automatic behavior set in; my arm was reaching for a cigarette.

That's not's what's fascinating.

What's fascinating was that as soon as I stopped myself from reaching (as my rational mind said to the arm, Out of cigarettes) the images started. I closed my eyes for a second, and there it was, that wisp of smoke drifting past, me moving my head slightly to avoid the acridness in my nostrils. I could see it so clearly. In my mind, I moved my arm to wave away the image and in doing so, the image morphed into one of my arm reaching for the cigarette.

stop it I tell myself.

I am lost in the moment... I can taste the tobacco on my tongue. I can smell the acridic smoke. I can sense my lips curling around the filter. I can feel the smoke zip down my esophagus with the result of me coughing. I tense for a second, expecting that nice magical moment of the first drag, the resulting relaxing of muscles. Strange, never realized it before this, but the relaxation that comes from the first drag is so strong, that often I'd tense up to heighten the juxtaposition.

But the magical moment doesn't come. The tension in me stays screeching in its intensity, a single unwavering note. I open my eyes, and force relaxation.

The juxtaposition isn't as pronounced, but I do relax. With deliberateness, I walk up to the door that houses these images, and I slam it shut.

No more, I say to myself. A smoker no more. I cannot bear to say the words non-smoker used on myself. For I am a smoker. Just not any more.

For now, the images has lost its intensity and I can breathe once again with ease. But it's simply amazing the allure of the images can be so visceral, so demanding.

The war is done. I'm just dealing with the war trauma.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

the G.I. Jane of Journalists.

2005-04-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

Last night, in a desperate attempt to keep my mind off cigarettes, I put on G.I. Jane. Nothing like watching Demi Moore's hard body to keep the mind off stuff.

In watching the first part of the movie - the trials of the never-ending first day - a bolt of lightning struck. THIS is what that pretender journalist thinks he is - the G.I. Jane of Journalists!

First off, assuming Jim Guckert is gay, one must realize that G.I. Jane is also a perennial favorite of gay men, NOT because of Demi Moore's hard body (that the reason lesbos watch it) but because of Viggo Mortensen's come fuck me shorts.

Secondly, watch that part carefully. The MAIN question that is asked of Jordan, Demi's character, is HOW in the world did you get in here? I had to wait 4 years or something like that. Which is the question most posed to Mr. Guckert.

The bald head, the military fascination, the determination to see it through, the taking on politicians, the defiant attitude - it all makes sense now. Mr. Jim Guckert sees himself as the male equivalent of G.I. Jane.

BTW, if this man so disrespects the media and everything else in this on-going farce of his, why the hell are we accommodating his desire to be known as this other persona? Why the hell should we respect his wishes? Therefore, his pseudonym will never grace my blog ever again. He will be known by his real name, stripped of all pretensions.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Huh?

2005-04-12T14:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm reading Howie Kurtz's Media Notes and notice this:

The column you are reading right now is free of charge.

...

And therein lies a problem. ...

This is a sensitive issue for The Post because circulation, while still a healthy 700,000, has been declining in recent years. Circulation goes up and down for a variety of reasons, but the fact that anyone can read any Post story online without paying a nickel has got to be up there. The reason you should care is that advertising revenue from the paper version is what supports this infrastructure of reporters, editors, columnists, photographers, graphic artists and others who make The Post what it is. If that's eroded, the quality of the paper's journalism will eventually suffer, and what you see online will suffer as well. (Obviously washingtonpost.com also has a number of Web-only features, including Media Notes, and generates some of its own ad dollars.)

Umm, excuse me. Aren't newspapers supported by MOSTLY ad revenue? Aren't subscriptions just the icing on the cake? Aren't ad revenue generated by the sheer number of eyes on that? Wouldn't it make sense that FREE views would generate more eyes? THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX HOWIE!

Look, the internet provides MUCH better tracking than the newspaper ever could. Maybe therein lies the problem Howie. Maybe, the newspaper wasn't as effective an advertising outlet as one supposes and having this trackability (is that a word) SHOWS how ineffective news is as an advertising outlet, as opposed to the Super Bowl.

What I fear more than this potential loss of revenue for newspapers, is that newspapers would be more beholden to corporations than the public, ending up with more versions of Fox News than a Washington Post.

Filed under Ms. Cell Annie.

Now I Know What It's Like to be WriterBoy

2005-04-12T10:24:00.000-07:00

My boss is driving me nuts. For the past two weeks, he's been in the office. He has this habit of asking me to do something, and then when I'm halfway through the project, pull me back and change directions.

All this serves to do, is make me reluctant to put forth any energy in a project he gives me. My approach to projects is, figure out where all the kinks are, prevent them, then move ahead with fierce efficiency.

For example, he asked me to get rid of the old electronics in the office. "Find a recycler that picks up." So I searched for half an hour on the web, finally found one that won't cost us any money, find the details on how it's going to work, and get all the information needed to supply the recycler with what he needs (by crawling on my hands and knees to look at the surplus equipment). As I'm ready to send off this information, he asks another co-worker if he wants the stuff. So the co-worker lights up and says Yup, I'm a scavenger. Umm, why did I just waste 1/2 hours of my time? Why did I bruise up my knee?

Arrrgggghhhh.

Poor Writerboy. This must be what it felt like when we were working on Nobody. We would surge forward with a plotline, and then halfway through I'd go, it's not working... why isn't it working and we'd deconstruct everything.

No wonder he doesn't want to write with me any longer lol.

Filed under Bwahahahaha.

Getting rid of the Drag-on

2005-04-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

It's nearly 24 hours now.

I have no idea when my last drag was, but I know it's nearing 24 hours since I went to sleep the night before around 12:30 am. It is now 10:28 pm.

I had decided this when I got up for my final pee before sleep. As I walked past the ashtray, one hand, almost without command, whipped out and snatched it, dumping the contents into the trash. Then I deliberately moved it away from my bedside table.

Then as I settled to sleep, I repeated again and again to myself, "This is it."

I woke in a good mood. Even during lunch I was in a good mood. But I knew the true test was coming up since on weekdays, I usually don't have my first drag until I step into the house.

Being tired, I came home, gave my other a sad look and settled into bed to sleep - at 5:30 pm. "What are you doing?" A concerned look greets me. "Why are you so sad?"

"Not sad, tired. Going to sleep."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, that way I don't have to think about not having a cigarette."

"Oh."

An hour later, I woke up to my own scream of "NO!" She yelled "STOP IT!" cause I was thrashing so badly. I yelled back "Fine! Next time you wake from a nightmare, I'll yell at you too!" Maturity at its best.

The attempt to regain sleep lost momentum as each time I tried to conjure up what I was going to do next, just resulted in reaching for a cigarette. Frustration set in, then a deep sadness.

Cigarettes to me, had always been that buddy that no one else wanted around (hence my reluctance to abandon it too) but that was ALWAYS there when you needed it. You could always count on it to calm you for that much needed second, to make you slow down for a second.

But recently, I realized though I loved this friend, it had finally outgrown its uses. And though we had been friends since I was 14, I had to say goodbye.

I sobbed. You see, smoking was with me when I learned to drive; when I got into all my car accidents; when my dad died; when my pal died; when I created some of the best writing I had ever done; when I made some of the best deals for my clients. In all my highlights of my life pretty much, there was the cigarettte.

She asked, "Are you okay?" I nodded and continued to sob.

She never asked why I was crying, but I think she could tell it was a farewell kind of sob, combined with a "woe is me" sob.

My body is aching right now. The last four hours, I have held my body as tightly as I do in the dentist's chair. This is prevention because addiction is not a pretty thing. I WILL walk over to the trash and dig through it for a smokable butt. But, if I cross my ankles, and squeeze my muscles, then a form of rigor mortis will take over and I can pass the 24 hour mark.

I finally called some friends up to get my mind off stuff. It worked for as long as the conversation lasted. Then the images came back, like a smouldering mist - all resulting in my leaning over and ending up with a cigarette dangling from my mouth.

I am no longer a smoker, I think to myself. Just one puff makes me a smoker again. I have to say this every day for the foreseeable future. Say it and think it... and believe it.

Cold turkey. That is the key to a successful quitting. This is what I believe. I see all those aids as enablers, enabling you to continue your habit albeit in controlled form.

The first rush.... it's like all your muscles droop a little and then you realize how tense you've been. The last attempt at quitting made me crave that rush so badly... it is what I focused on, and why I lost the fight. This time, I realize that I WILL be an uncontrollable spinning top of rage. The difference is, I'm focusing on the part that says, if I take a drag, I am controlled. I'm just a tad too ornery for that little thought.

This writing is helping. So forgiveness if all I can write about the next day/week/month/year/decade is giving up the dragon. It is now 10:58 pm. 30 mins have elapsed and the desperation has been replaced by a wistful longing. Hopefully I can fall asleep before the dragon wakes up again.

Send thoughts of support please.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

A Gordon Gecko Story

2005-04-06T17:49:00.000-07:00

In the comic book business, there was a big boom around 1990 and a subsequent crash. And we all blamed the speculators and our pandering to this market that was all about greed.

What happened was, (to make a long story short), speculators crashed the trading card market and then flooded our market in hopes of scoring the next big craze.

See, they scan the lists of titles, then decide which one has the most potential to become a collector's market and then buy 5 cases of one issue. There were two direct results: sales numbers were artificially inflated; and publishers forgot about their core audience and paid attention to the speculators.

I remember talking to a bunch of creators who worked for DC one summer and everyone was complaining about the specialty covers and who did the publishers think they were fooling, with those panders to the speculative market.

Imagine my surprise the following year when some of those creators doing the loudest complaining ran up to me with sparkling joy as they waved their latest issue in my face. "Look at what DC did for the book! They gave it 5 different covers!" or "They put special ink on it to make it glow!" or "They have a special wraparound cover!" Outwardly I took joy with them. But inwardly....

Inwardly, I was asking how it happened. How some of the staunchest advocates against pandering to this artificial market would end up pandering.

First off, I DID understand that we were all geeks. That a specialty cover is just pure glee to the geek in us. That part I did understand. What I didn't understand was why when they could see the larger picture the previous year, why they just didn't take a stand and said no thank you but thank you for thinking of this book.

I guess part of it is being part of the "in" crowd. You were awarded a cool cover if your book was considered up and coming by the marketing folks.

But I know that most of the joy that sprang from getting this type of treatment was that your book was now given the chance to sell over 500,000 copies. Royalties kicked in well below that number.

I know what flashed through some of these people's minds were, wow, there's my kid's college right there. Or, finally I can pick up that new lightbox I've been needing.

I don't fault them, nor do I fault the publishers who saw the inflated numbers and could actually give out bonuses to their employees for the first time. I do fault the speculators tho.

They saw easy money or so they thought. Buy a few hundred issues here and there and when they start going for $50 an issue, they could rake it in. In other words, they thought collectors were stupid.

The first issue of Daredevil that Frank Miller wrote. That's worth $80 the last time I looked. Why? Because NO ONE WAS READING DAREDEVIL at the time of publishing. I was, but I was one of the few. I think Daredevil was selling around 15,000 to 20,000 at the time as opposed to X-Men whoich were selling around 75,000 back in those days, maybe a tad less.

I happened to get a copy cause I was totally into Gene Colan's artwork and didn't even notice that the writers had changed. Then a few issues later, Gene left, and the writer started drawing it and all I could think of at the time (I was around 15, gimme a break) cheap Gene Colan ripoff.

And then something magical happened. Frank started delving into Daredevil's past... and lo and behold, Elektra was born and so was a star - Frank Miller. When people started looking around for Frank's first foray into the Daredevil mythos, they realized, very few people had it. And those of us who did, either read the fuck out of them, or folded them into our backpockets, or used them as coasters.

And thus, the value of a barely-read, mint issue of Frank Miller's first writing on Daredevil became a collector's item and worth 100x what the cover price was.

So how does buying 500 copies of an issue that sold over half a million, be a collector's item? Answer, it doesn't. But the conventional wisdom is, it will.

Yet another example of truth v. perception. *sighs*

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Facets & Galleries of Art.

Torture and the American People

2005-04-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

Once, when I was reading spy novels and Modesty Blaise, I read this fascinating account about how torture was used. They used a method that basically made one person the good guy and the rest of the people the bad. That way, the tortured will see that one person as the one that'll get him out of the mess.

I look around and see all this fear. Fear of homos, fear of the media incapable of telling the truth, fear of terrorists, fear of integration, fear of women's rights, fear of the judiciary, fear of muslims etc. and then I see the White House shining a beacon to the land saying, we're here, you can trust us. We were here for you on 9/11 and we'll be here for you when they're trying to take everything you hold valuable away.

No wonder the WH believes in torture. It's worked for them so far.

See, here's how it works. We are bound to the corporations by our credit. Meanwhile, there's a constant message towards us saying "You scared? You should be. And here's why." At the same time, there's a message saying "trust us" and it's coming from the White House. And since half the population bought it, and they're still scared of the boogeyman, perhaps that is why questioning the idiot in chief is seen as unpatriotic.

After all, their security blanket can't be seen as insecure, unsecured or not-a-cure.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Get out the Grease

2005-03-31T15:31:00.000-08:00

I'm working on a new database for work... one that I'm creating and I have only 24 days left to do it. I haven't created a new database now in about 7 years... and my brain is showing it.

I'm reading up on relationships there, single-criteria, multi-criteria, comparative and tho my eyes aren't crossing, my brain definitely has the feel of creaking gears.

The reason why I like programming? It's a philosophy of life that suits me well. I see the end result of what I want, and then figure a way to do it.

I have in my mind right now, this seamless program, that'll update automatically, fill in spots automatically. But before I can get my hands dirty on the actual work I have to have *some* inkling as to what I'm doing.

Plus, I do so love that moment of *lightbulb* when the picture in your head had been jigsaw pieces, and suddenly you understand what the picture was supposed to look like. I just had that but the problem with programming is, the lightbulb goes off and then when you take a look, you realize you had just illuminated more problems lol. I actually like that.

Anyway, I guess I'm working Monday now since I'm on this great hunt.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Hmmm... could it be?

2005-03-31T12:25:00.000-08:00

Why, why in the world would the National Press Club limit the people who attend the Gannon/Guckert conference to only their members or credentialed media?

Select one or more choices:

Gannon/Guckert is giving a private seminar on what it really means to be a media whore;
Only credentialed media can truly disseminate an 8" cut;
Since Terri died, many credentialed media don't have anything to write about;
They want to compare credentials with Gannon/Guckert in private, fearing that theirs don't match up to the prowess Gannon/Guckert exhibits in his mouse-clicking expertise;
They need lessons in plaigiarizing and don't want the public to know;
They need lessons on how to suck dick so they too can grace the halls of the White House;
They want to gaze upon Gannon/Guckert's many medals from the military;
They're getting together to laugh at the public for there is no such thing as credentialed media for if there was, why is Gannon/Guckert there.

Bend over National Press Club. For your information, this isn't considered a rape of you by the WH. It was a consensual ass-fucking, only you got to be the bottom.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

The Death of My Father

2005-03-30T14:03:00.000-08:00

My father had his life read when he first married my mother. My mother, being a god-fearing 3rd generation Christian, was aghast since her imagination stirred up images of Saul consulting a soothsayer and God being angry with that consultation. Nonetheless, according to my mother, my father took a lot of stock with that life-reading.

To give you some background, Chinese people will consult soothesayers for a "Seuwn Mang" a calculation of lifethread. These soothesayers actually produce a whole book, that details what'll happen to you during your life.

For example, my family jokes that had I been born 6 months later, I'd have been a boy cause the soothesayer told my father that he couldn't have sons until after he was 37. (And that was the excuse they gave others as to why I was such a tom-boy). At any rate, my father believed with all of his heart that my mother was going to die before him; the soothesayer said he'd outlive her.

My father, who prepared for everything in his life, didn't prepare for the end of his life. He had been complaining for a year about a pain in his back.... and how it obstructed his bowel movements. And right after Chinese New Years' two years ago, he collapsed, in Zhongshan, China.

We rushed over as fast as we could. Since this was international travel, since this was Red China (yes I'm falling back into my old cold war mentality but geeze, that's what I grew up with, okay?) since none of us were willing to believe my sturdy father was really dying, since the people there were lying to us about his condition (their excuse? Oh we didn't want to worry your mother), we didn't arrive at his bedside until after he had lapsed into a coma.

That first night at the hospital, I drilled the doctors there. What is wrong with him, can he get better, will he get worse. My sister and mother both yelled at me for being rude to the doctor's but I was already seeing the writing on the wall. These doctors would try and prolong my father's life as long as possible.

I had been through an agonizing 72 hour period five years earlier, with one of my best friends. She had gone through a simple surgery (tubes tied, removal of a cyst) only to come out of it with her brain drowned. It had something to do with her saline levels which the doctors hadn't bothered to check or something. Anyway, my friend's brain got drowned and she went into cardiac arrest... to make a long story short, she suffered irreversible brain damage.

BUT! Because the drowning of her brain made it sogged, the doctors had to wait 72 hours before they could REALLY check to make sure there was no activity there.

It was the worst 72 hours of my life.

Anyway.... back to my father. He steadily grew worse; and the doctors there could only shake their heads at us, the American Chinese. See, we kept talking about his comfort and wondering when the right time is to take him off life support. And the doctors there? They kept talking about home care and getting a nurse for him.

My father had advanced diabetes, which was complicating his cancer (which was just discovered due to his collapse). On top of that, he seemed to have developed some lung thing. (okay folks, think, two years ago, southern China... hospitals that aren't clean... hmmm what finally did my Dad in?) But these ghouls thought that he could live... and that he would want to.

My father always said with disgust and a snort, "If I'm ever like that, kill me." (Yiu goh ngo been sang gum, sahd sai ngo!)

The night that he took a turn for the worse.... the night that even the doctors said with weary heads, that yes, my father could not expect to get better, I took the decision from my mother and sister. Y'see, my mother had just figured out that his outside women consisted of just one woman, who'd been with him for 15 years or more. My sister? Well, she just figured out that when she asked Dad about outside women, he lied right to her face.

Me? I always said that my father did right by me. He gave me the money to buy a condo that I love. He provided an education for me. He bailed me out financially whenever I needed him to. And if he had another woman or kids out there? Well, I hoped that they treated him better and gave him what he needed, that he didn't get from us.

You see, I kinda figured out in High School that there was no way my father would've consented to living half a continent away from us, unless there was another woman/family. So of the three of us, I had the least reason to hate him. If I signed the papers, I could sleep at night. My mother and sister, might not be able to.

So for those of you portraying people who want to see Terri not prolong her agony any more as murderers? I hope, I REALLY REALLY HOPE, with all of my will and heart, that you will be one of those invalids, screaming inside to let you die and meanwhile, everytime your heart rate drops, or your blood pressure drops, machines whirr to life and inflict you with more sustenance and life sustaining chemicals. I also hope that you will hear maniacal laughter piped into your ears as you suffer so.

Judge not lest ye be judged yourself. THIS ALSO TRANSLATES TO BUTT THE HELL OUT!

Filed under Politics & B.S., Bloodsport, err Relatives and Reveries & Paranoias.

Meetings with Secret Service

2005-03-30T11:20:00.000-08:00

I find it odd that the Secret Service would agree to meet with the three people who'd been kicked out of Bush's "conversation about social security."

The question that ran through my head was "why?" Why surface above water now? I mean, even beyond the CIA, this agency is secretive. All we know about them is they're supposed to take a bullet for whoever they're guarding.

Then it hits me: They no longer want to be the fall guy. Article after article since Bush started campaigning, it's been reported that the Secret Service removed this person or that person from his town hall meetings.

Read this article. The Secret Service agreed to explanations because they wanted to make sure the blame no longer rested on them.

Ummm Bushies? I just have one question for you. If you guys piss off the people who protect you by saying it's them that sees the security risk, who do you think will take the bullet? Just be careful who you use as pawns (secret service, the religious right); it may not work out as you envisioned.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Relationships

2005-03-24T12:46:00.000-08:00

According to my other, I've been in a bad mood for a few weeks. She thinks I'm going through early menopause. Me, I don't know what to think.

All I know is I don't understand the rubber-bandiness of relationships. She and I have been through a few good shouting matches lately. I've been yelling that I'm not getting heard. She's been yelling that I'm not expressing what I want.

I then look back and think, I AM expressing what I want. But what I'm discovering is what one culture thinks of as expressing, another thinks of as mentioning in passing.

I come from a culture of where it's deemed impolite to come right out and ask for something. To do that indicates many layers of rude behavior. Now intellectually, I totally understand that this was a way to keep people subjugated, that with *THAT* big of a population, a society means had to be begotten to keep peace.

What started all this? I told her at 3:30 in the afternoon I was exhausted, that I couldn't deal with getting dinner and I just want to come home. I asked her if we could order out, or if she could cook. Sure, came the response.

At 5:30 I came home. She was playing. She asked numerous times what I wanted for dinner, at the same time saying she was hungry and at the same time letting me know she accidentally got on a "quest" that involved 14 dungeons and she was only in dungeon #3.

I took that to mean, she's busy, she's hungry and she wants dinner. I wouldn't answer her when she asked what I wanted for dinner. She named off several foods, none of which sounded good to me. Finally I knew she was hungry, and she liked pizza so I said okay to that. I'm not sure what happened next but I made the mistake of following my culture in being polite and asked, Did you want me to call?

Yes she said happily, if you don't mind. Well, I did mind. I TOTALLY resented even having to say Did you want me to call, cause I had told her how tired I was.

This led to a huge brouhaha. I was upset that she wanted me to handle dinner, she was upset because all she felt she did was say yes to my offer.

BANG! Culture clash. If I had said nothing and didn't offer, my mind would've tortured me all night saying your partner is hungry and just cause you're tired, you're not going to make sure her tummy is hurting? See, I felt I could see what was coming. She'd hold off on ordering food until the quest was over, then her tummy would've reacted badly to that, then she would've been too sick to be there for me... and instead I would've been there for her.

I had the whole scenario mapped out and I WAS PISSED!

And I was wrong. I should never have anticipated the future... especially since we're both trying to change and therefore I should've given her the benefit of the doubt.

And she was wrong. I did ask, but she didn't hear me. She did apologize by the way.

As we grow with each other, we're still learning to hear each other. But I'm scared. I'm really really scared that we will test the resiliency of this relationship until the tension and the snapback is gone and we will be limply going through life. I do know that this is a direct result of what happened to my parents, that my fear is that we'd end up like them, leading separate lives but still tied together to an anchor of a marriage that was kept afloat only by a fierce fear of hell.

I'm so tired of being afraid.

Filed under Bloodsport, err Relatives and Reveries & Paranoias.

Enough! I want my money back!

2005-03-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

It's time for a new law. A law that protects taxpayers from shenanigans like this.. and I want Congress and the President to foot the bill.

I want to sue them personally for WASTING OUR MONEY! $34,000 just to fly Bush back to Washington to sign this bill? When he couldn't get up off his duff to pledge measley amounts to thousands of victims?

How much did all those congressmen spend just to fly back for this emergency bill? WHAT EMERGENCY? THE WOMAN HAS BEEN LIKE THAT FOR 15 YEARS. 15 YEARS DO NOT CONSTITUTE EMERGENCY!

I want the money returned and armor bought for our soldiers. Cough up DeLay. Cough up Rove! Cough up Bush! REFUND OUR MONEY YOU FUCKING MANIPULATIVE ASSES!

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Fear of Death

2005-03-21T16:27:00.000-08:00

The macabre theater that is Terri's Schiavo's life/death illustrates a lot to different people. For some, it's a travesty not to let her live. For some, it's a travesty not to let her die.

For me, I am so very very happy to hear that more and more Americans are facing the inevitable fact that we are all mortal. I started a rant about 20 years ago... about how Americans were soooo scared to death of death... that it's totally tucked away in the universal consciousness of Americans. Americans, I felt had a very unnatural and inflictive fear of death.

Why did I choose the word inflictive? The fear of death is so pervasive here in America that people will use the fear to inflict laws on each other. Examples are seat belt laws, non-smoking laws, child safety laws, etc. But along with this inflictive fear lies the unnatural fear. I was so glad to see that "6 Feet Under" showed how other cultures deal with death and that the main character felt that Americans were too septic in the way we approached death.

I do believe that Congress had a knee jerk reaction... that someone saw an opportunity to market against death, and that politicians could cash in on this fear.

I really hope that the polls are correct and this ends up backfiring on those who peddle fear so that they can send our children to war to be killed. That the conversation in America has taken a turn from talking about 'cancer' in a whisper, 'aids' in a whisper, to a full-fledged "Honey, if I am EVER in a position where I am incapacitated and cannot make decisions on my own, pull the plug."

For once I am going to see the silver lining and say, thanks Congress. Without you, there'd be 2 million less living wills today. Excuse me while I go off to work on mine.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Playing right into their hands...

2005-03-21T00:25:00.000-08:00

which is what I'm doing by writing about Terri Schiavo.

I'm actually writing about the blogs that are writing about Congress's actions about Schiavo. All four of the major liberal blogs I read, have written about this travesty that's going on in Congress and the WH... George Bush cutting short a vacation *gasp* Just make sure we're not falling for the sleight of hand too, okay?

The noise machine is going on about this travesty... and hoping we're ignoring the others. Let them hang themselves with this one. Their interference is unctuous and most Americans can see that. They miscalculated about the selfishness level regarding social security and I believe they're miscalculating with this one.

What we really have to hammer on is the economics of stuff. War costs, deficit, time spent on this at a cost of Congress pay, WH pay, congressmen's staffs pay, WH staff pay and Capitol Hill staff pay, lives saved, lives taken in the war, injuries that could've been prevented if the money spent here was spent instead on armoring the transportation.... Perspective, people. KR and his people are counting on the fact that we'll be so outraged by this singular travesty that we'd blow it out of porportion.

In the meantime, good work on the assessment of the MSM. They've been patsies too long. Let's not fall into the same trap as them, okay?

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Question for the Ages

2005-03-18T14:47:00.000-08:00

How does one answer a forwarded, forwarded, forwarded email from an old buddy who doesn't know YOUR email and make it NOT seem like spam?

I think I didn't do a good job lol.

Filed under Ms. Cell Annie.

Kindness???? BWAHAHAHAHAHA

2005-03-17T11:44:00.000-08:00

So I'm reading The Cunning Realist's latest post which is about obesity, believe it or not, or rather our impressions to our creditors and whether obesity/sloth is something we want to our creditors to see. Anyway, I just busted out laughing when I read that China, who holds most of the U.S., being depicted as kind.

Let me just reiterate: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Does the Cunning Realist truly believe that China holds our debts because they want to help their neighbor? Yes, Cunning Realist, there IS a Santa Claus and his name is China. BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

Every time China sabre-rattled in the Straits of China, and the U.S. forced China to back down, China ran out and bought more of America's debt. Remember that embassy bombing? I bet they rushed right out afterwards and bought half the debt then. China remembers the opium wars, remembers Taiwan, remembers all of it. They also remember that compared to China's history, all the Western culture is a mere blip.

Remember folks, only in America does a Umpteen Billion dollar deficit not raise any alarms. The rest of the world is looking on wondering not IF America is going to crash, but When and the Chinese? Well, they're counting on it. Too bad I won't be around 150 years from now to say I told you so.

Filed under Politics & B.S. and Bwahahahaha.

Past & Future Crash

2005-03-16T14:10:00.000-08:00

If I told you everything that's happened in my life, you'd say "bullshit." You'd say, even fiction can't be this strange; yet here it is.

Nestled amongst my junk email, I notice one from my publisher that had a "[FWD[FWD[FWD" thingie on it. Mimi never sends me chain emails.... so curious, I opened it up. The past came crashng upon my memories like an avalanche and my other, watching my face, kept saying what is it? Who's this woman writing you?

In 1982, I spent an entire glorious summer bathed in sunlight. I was 18, pretty much left to my own devices in Singapore and I chose to spend it either in the sun or under flourescents in my favorite bowling alley. With me that summer, was this woman who just emailed me out of nowhere.

Our parents had been business associates and since we both were home from overseas, our parents threw us together probably in hopes that we'd keep each other out of trouble. (I can just hear my mother clucking to hers, "Aiyah, don't worry, my daughter - moh da'am" Translation, my daughter's a scaredy-cat.).

Memories of freezing cold shopping centers trying on different clothes, of beer with pizza, of reading guilty pleasure novels by the pool, of wind-surfing on a small lagoon in Katong, of satay by the swimming pool in Island Club, of learning to swing dance and rock-n-roll dance with her, her mom, my mom and their crazy bunch of friends. Hmm, didn't I also take tai-chi that year but she opted not to do it and instead I took it with Auntie Linda and Auntie Pat?

That summer has got to rate as one of the best I've ever had in my life.

Oh, how did it collide with my future? My gf wants to get married cause she's not considered independent financially from her parents until she's 25. That is, unless she's married, or has a kid. So, yesterday's ruling in CA kinda fueled a "So, when are we getting married? Why aren't you marrying me? Why don't you want to marry me?" line of questioning.

Of course, in the meantime, I started fretting about talking to this ol' buddy. Actually, I started fretting about what Mom was going to nag me about if I told her this ol' buddy wanted to get in touch with me. I really wish I knew how to be my sister.... she never cared about pleasing Mom. If it so happened that she wanted to go in one direction and my mother in the opposite direction, she had no compunctures about meandering down the one she chose. Me, I sit and try and figure out how I could get my way and yet give my mother what she wanted as well. The usual results with me? No one remembers that my sister went her own way. Everyone remembers that I couldn't make them happy. *sighs*

Anyway, my mother's the type to dictate what I say or don't say to people she's remotely acquainted with. "Aiyah, don't say that, it doesn't sound good." or "Aiyah! If you say that, they think no Gah-Gow" (Translation - no family teachings - meaning 1) the family is so low-class that they don't bother teaching politeness or 2) the person was too stupid from the family's teachings so is acting like a rude asshole) She'll desperately want that no one talks about our family, but is paranoid enough to think that everyone is.. and that her shame of being my father's wife will open for all to see. Watch, if I end up telling her about my buddy's email, she'll be telling me not to get back in contact... just in case that person's family has heard through the grapevine what my father was like.

I miss my mother. I miss the carefree vibrant young woman I remember her to be. My mother was the one cool mom everyone wanted for *their* mother and I remember brimming with pride. But I can't get myself to hate my father either. One day, I will write about this... about this transition from Imperialist China to the modern era and how it was particularly hard on the Chinese women. Especially the really smart ones who ended up hating themselves and their lives because they could see... and they didn't want to. Like my mother.

Filed under Bloodsport, err Relatives and Reveries & Paranoias.

Hay Fever & Timing

2005-03-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

So, on the drive to work this morning, I'm listening to a news station, waiting for John Madden to do his morning schtick... when I hear that "Authorities" are claiming that this will be the worst flu season ever, bringing together a perfect storm of pollen.

Hmm, I think. Didn't they use this last year or the year before when the hit movie was "A Perfect Storm" And then I started thinking, wait, I've heard this before... every year for the past 7-8 years in the Bay Area I hear the same thing, that *this* Spring, unprecedented pollen count is about to descend on hapless unsuspecting allergy sufferers.

I remember this because *EVERY* year I hear this pronouncement by the "authorities" I say a prayer of thankfulness and then kick myself because my allergies, though hardly ever as overwhelming as pollen sufferers seem to have it, are based on temperature.

Yeah, you heard that right, TEMPERATURE. Like, the second I hop out of bed in the morning I start sneezing and wheezing cause the temperature dropped 10 degrees between in bed and out of bed. But I digress....

Anyway, the whole point of this post is, WHO ARE THE AUTHORITIES who make this pronouncement every year, WHY IS EVERY YEAR THE WORST YEAR in a decade or so, and WHO IS PAYING FOR THIS ANNOUNCEMENT TO OCCUR EVERY damn year.

My guess is to all this is, gee, could it be that someone is making money off having news produced this way? Nah, not in America. No one could be manipulating the news....

*mutters to herself P.T. Barnum was right*

Grace's birthday

2005-03-14T23:59:00.000-08:00

Today is Grace's birthday. I've not spoken to Grace now for I'd say, close to 20 years? Still, her birthday and other old friends now friends no longer, their birthdays still permeate my consciousness. Wonder if I'll still remember these dates when Alzheimer hits?

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

White House Press Corps = Pro Bowl

2005-03-14T10:39:00.000-08:00

I get it now!

The White Press Corp is to Journalism what the Pro Bowl is to football players.

You work like crazy and make a name for yourself in journalism, writing articles, covering Congress. Then, ooooh you get access to the White House... but what good is it? There's no news there, there's no story. Just like the Pro Bowl: There's no stats that really count, there's no real glory - which is why people want to get elected to the Pro Bowl and then don't want to play.

Still, the question is asked, how did Gannon get in for 2 years? That's like a cheerleader getting to throw a few passes in the game. Do you ask the cheerleader how he got in? No, you asked the people who gave him the pass.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Acquisition of Moss

2005-03-11T14:00:00.000-08:00

I wear a lot of Raiders hats, as do most Oaklanders and East Bay residents. It kind of amuses me to see the lack of 49'ers caps and gear in their losing seasons as opposed to the Raider Nation. We seem to take it upon ourselves that in losing seasons, we die-hards support them despite the inanities and shenanigans, self-heaped or not.

So, because I'm a pretty die-hard Raider fan, I wore baseball caps, knit caps, and all sorts of gear all year round and I'm not alone.

People making deliveries to my work almost always stop and chat some football with me, cause they know I'm a die-hard. And the question that's been popped to me most of all recently, and the same one I'm asking other fans is, What do YOU think of Randy Moss.

So far, the consensus among the fans I've spoken to is that what's the use of getting a WR if there's no QB? Sorry Kerry Collins. I was willing to support you for the first 5 games you played but that was ample time for you to learn not to throw interceptions. Now, I want either Tuiey or someone new. Gannon can backup but Collins has got to go.

We're worried that Moss will be a distraction. We welcomed Sapp just cause he makes us laugh even when we're wincing at his words, but Moss? Most of us are worried he's another Owens/Rice prima donna.

We need a running game, a passing game and defense. About the only thing we've got going for us is our O-Line. But that still needs jelling for this year. Towards the end of the year last year, they were just starting to really jell together.

Time will wait and see but so far, all the fans I've talked to and I agree... Moss will be a decent addition provided he doesn't distract, and we wished Al Davis spent his $ on a QB with potential.

Give Tuiey a chance, Al. He's been so patient and yeah, I know he gets banged up easily, but damnit, give us, the fans, something to root for.

Speaking of which, Timmy Brown? Please know that your fans still love you and wish you and your wife and twins the best. I am so honored that I was there at your 100th career touchdown, even if you were playing for my lovers' fav. team and not mine. :)

Filed under Ms. Cell Annie.

Learnings

2005-03-11T13:14:00.000-08:00

New thing I'm starting. I don't want to forget what I've learned so maybe writing (typing) it out will help.

Learnings:

To simulate water realistically, there needs to be water surface, spray and many many many different types of lighting (thanks to the "Finding Nemo" Audio commentary).
That rewrites and rewrites and rewrites are the foundation to Pixar's success
That people from both sides, the right and the left, have very little idea what freedom is.
That Garrison Keilor, Spaulding Gray and Andy Warhol only look alike in my imagination. (My first impression of Garrison Keilor? He looks like a dorky Elton John).

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

I Love it #3

2005-03-10T11:14:00.001-08:00

Irony at its best. Get the fundies to vote for you, then realize the fundies don't give a damn about your social security plan cause they believe they'll be taken up by Rapture and therefore, why do anything about social security?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So 59% of the population believes Rapture will happen in their lifetimes; over 50% don't believe there's a crisis with Social Security and the young, they don't care! Who's left? OH YES! All the higher ups in financial institutions, and people who want to drive the stock in their companies higher cause oooh here's another stream of income.

Well, they paid for you to be in the White House. Don't screw them over too. Oh, forgot. You only screw over the poor and the middle class. Those that contributed over 50,000 to your campaign don't belong there. Don't worry White House. As soon as they realize you can't secure this income flow, they'll be working with you to figure out how to gouge us more.

Speaking of which, how's the gas prices in YOUR neighborhood?

Filed under Bwahahahaha; Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.

What SHOULD be taught in Journalism School

2005-03-09T12:19:00.000-08:00

I'm reading some blurbs from today's news about what's happening in the Middle East. And I have this reaction:- a sudden lurching of my stomach lining, followed by a rush of stomach acid and ending in a sour pain.

This should be taught to new journalists: Leave the Hyperbole to the Marketing and Advertising Specialists.

[throws in a seemingly non-sequitur]

I'm reminded of a time when I met a Shakespearean actor. She owned a company in the mid-west and she and her husband were visiting friends of mine. That was about a year or so after Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet came out. I asked her opinion of it and she told me that tho she has tons of respect for Kenneth Branagh, he doesn't know how to use his women. Ophelia should've started off smaller, then grew larger as the madness took over, so that the audience could appreciate the disparity or the distance from where she started to where she ended. I'm not sure I can see another Kenneth Branagh shakespearan play now that I have this interesting lens to look through.

Why did I bring that up? Reporters, Journalists all seem to graduate from the Enquirer school of headlines. I don't know if it's the reporters or the editors, but CUT IT OUT!

You are part of the problem. By using words as "earth-shattering" or "unprecedented" or "[put in your favorite hyperbole here]" you actually DIMINISH the impact of the story.

Those are bleep words. When one reads that, one AUTOMATICALLY THINKS "BULLSHIT!"

When all words you see claim "Number 1" Chances are, none of them are. Instant Dismissal. But you all can't do that can you? You became a journalist cause you are in love with words. Well, fall in love with VERBS, not ADJECTIVES or ADVERBS and certainly NOT hyperbolic ones. If you use hyperbole in your journalistic efforts, YOU ARE NO LONGER A JOURNALIST, YOU ARE AN ADVERTISER.

Got that? *sighs* No, I didn't think so.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.

Reading Live Talk with Dan Froomkin and...

2005-03-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

I love his answer to this question:

Granted, there is a certain inherent verbal jujitsu required, in the political arena. Listening to President Kennedy's speeches, he too was a master of it. How effectively do you feel that today's press is responding to/ circumventing/challenging the verbal tactics coming out of the White House?
Dan Froomkin: Those aren't diversionary phrases. Those are the meaningless words padding the diversionary phrases that punctuate the hoary soundbytes from the approved phrasebook that obfuscate the lack of any substantial response to our questions.

Today's LiveTalk seems to be mostly about the press. Why aren't they reporting on this.... why aren't they reporting on that. The answer always comes back, it's reported here and here.... and there and there.

I've got more to say about this. I agree with Dan. The atrocities of our government, their double-speak, their contrived town-hall meetings, the bankruptcy bill, the tortures. All this ARE being reported on. The difference is, there's just some outrage.

I believe it's as simple as believing that the ends justify the means or the means justify the ends. Those who are outraged believes that nothing justifies the ends if the means aren't... shall we say honorable? The other side is, oh yeah? well look at the results.

One side says, Look, NO WMDs! The other says Look! Democracy. Never mind that there were lies abundant or such stuff.

The truth is out there. It's just that if it doesn't directly impact them, immediately, the outrage just isn't there.

*sigh* Being an idealist in the age of bullies sucks.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Private Accounts in Easy Words

2005-03-08T17:01:00.000-08:00

I'm no dummy (tho some - okay, all - of my friends would disagree). I take pride in that I am a fairly well-read person and that given some concentration, I can comprehend almost anything.

However, when it comes to Social Security and Private Accounts, my eyes cross, my mouth opens in a yawn, and I will read the same word 20 times before I realize that I can move on. However, TPM provided this link today.

My eyes didn't glaze, I actually read the entire thing and understood it. Basically, the writer knows two people who favor private accounts. Let's just say, they're favoring it because it puts in their pocket YOUR money.

Put another way, do you want to see your future in the hands of people who will make money off you no matter how the market swings? That's our prez... shilling for those who want to enslave the world.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Debt Society

2005-03-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

I remember the early 80's when Comic Relief came on HBO to raise money for the homeless. Segment after segment, there were images from middle-class families suddenly laid low.... images of whole families in cars cause a family member got sick and expenses got too high; images of a laid off steelworker who couldn't even find work as a busboy and is now hanging out at bus-stops with the boys, hoping for a one day gig.

I learned from that. I learned never to put anything on my house that might cause anyone to take it away. The only two things are my mortgage and my association fees. For those of you consolidating debt and you own a house. Realize please, that your house is on the line.

I've a feeling that with today's vote in Congress, all this is going to change and it's going to be possible for the corporations to take away my housing if I don't pay even my unsecured debt back. I need to read more about it but I've got this queasy feeling.

Again, I'm going to re-iterate my niggling thought... that the reason the Bush Administration and the NeoCons are doing all this to dismantle Social Security, Bankruptcy, etc, is to ensure that we are beholden to our jobs. Look, the unions have no teeth, the government has no teeth (they're in the pockets of these people) the journalists have no teeth... and the internet? It's just a noise machine that helps drown out the truth.

I remember reading in H.S. about indentured servants... and how people signed contracts that basically made them slaves in everything BUT the name... and the promise of freedom. I always wondered how they got suckered into that. Now I know. It's called keeping up with the Jones.

[edited] It turns out Paul Krugman of the NYT has the same opinion as I do. He had an opinion piece in the NYT.

Filed under Politics & B.S. and Reveries & Paranoias.

Copyrights

2005-03-08T14:11:00.000-08:00

I used to work in the copyright industry. To me, copyrights are a valuable thing because it means that whatever you created has value. If a person chooses to sell their rights to something, well, it's up to them.

I'm such a stickler that I pretty much don't pirate anything. If my girl does it, she knows how I feel and well, she doesn't tell me.

Recently, the Hate-Mongerers... I won't call them Republicans cause all the Republicans I know are good decent people. They sometimes say hateful things, but they're not mongering hate.

Anyway, recently, the hate-mongerers have come up with a way to be doubly insulting. They take an image without permission, to use as an example of why Hate should exist. The most famous example of this is the Gay Wedding Photo which was appropriated to infer that the AARP supports Gay Marriage but opposes Support for the Troops.

Well, Eschaton recently reported that the Hate-Mongerers are casting doubts on Captain America!

While I don't care really if Captain America hates America or not (Seriously folks, this totally smacks of can the Hulk beat Superman), I DO care that the artist is not being compensated for his hard work.

When I see that panel, I see a collaboration between editor and writer and penciller and inker and coloring people and letterer. I see artwork being created and loving, lavishly put on a page. I worked with these artists for over 10 years and let me tell you, all of them agonize over each panel, wondering what the best angle to storytell is, or whether a hand should be turned up or turned down and what would make the best sense or have the best visual impact, so you readers won't be robbed when you plunk down your money.

And yet, you have NO compunction about stealing.

This generation of humans disgust me.

Filed under Facets & Galleries of Art; Scary Gay Stuff and Reveries & Paranoias.

Going Away for the Weekend

2005-03-07T13:50:00.000-08:00

My girl and I went away for the weekend. We explored new lands - one where everything dripped moisture and then after we finished everything we wanted to accomplish there, we hopped on a boat and went across a sea, to find ourselves in a cold forest. Though snow wasn't on the ground, you could tell from the trees they hadn't been greeted by warmth in months. Their trunks were ashen, yet their leaves reflected a deep somber green.

Where did we go? We went exploring on World of Warcraft.

I turned to her in surprise this morning and asked, "Does it feel like we went away this weekend?" and she nodded.

THIS is the reason I play computer games.

What I'm loving about this particular game is, you can be one of 8 races, so you will start off in 6 different realms. (Two sets of two share the same homeland). Each profession you choose will set you off on a slightly different path, and same goes with class.

Anyway, the exploration and discovery of new things are the appealing things about computer games. Plus, they add content ever so often so there's usually something new to explore.

So, if you ever want a cheap vacation, get two copies of WoW and go exploring in their worlds there with your lover. Oh, and get two laptops. That helps a lot.

Filed under Gaming-Obsess Much? and Reviews.

An Obligation to be Greedy

2005-03-04T16:38:00.000-08:00

There's been some speculation in my office about Tom Brady, the Patriots quarterback. Since the Raiders just got WR Randy Moss, I'd voiced my preference for getting a new quarterback. The rest of my office consists of 49'ers fans. There is NO doubt, those fans want a good quarterback for their team as well.

We also wondered how much a 3-time Super Bowl quarterback (within 4 years) would make, considering the outrageous amount for the Mannings. WELL!!!! There seems to be a quarterback in the NFL who cares more for winning than for money. Negotiations are in place currently between Brady's agent and the Patriots for the Patriots to keep Brady and yet have enough money left over to build a strong team around him.

First off, to all those sports announcers who wondered how a dynasty could be built in today's age. This is how. It takes a talented individual to realize that in a sports that's leaking fans, the bottom line isn't cash if you want to win. The bottom line is talent and having it around you in a team of 11.

Secondly, in the WaPo article today by Mark Maske, there was a sentence that read: "Still, Brady and his agent, Don Yee, have an obligation to other players to avoid signing for too much below market value."

Excuse me?

This kind of thinking really pisses me off. No, Brady does NOT have an obligation to the other players. Brady has an obligation to his family and to his own soul. That's it. HIS PRINCIPLES obligated him to his teammates. The other players' agents need to tell the other owners (if the quarterbacks opt for greed and not talent) that FIRST OFF, TOM BRADY DOESN'T WANT TO WORK FOR THEM, DOES HE? Therefore, the market rate ISN'T about Tom Brady, because what Tom Brady is getting from the New England Patriots is intangible - PRICELESS.

This is reminding me of my girls' work situation. Both of us have decided that money to us, is merely a tool. If we have enough to save, enough to eat on, enough to have a roof over our heads, and enough to buy a few toys (get your head out of the gutter) now and then, we're making enough AND DON'T HAVE TO MAKE MORE.

So when she and her bosses started negotiating, she told them she wanted help with her work. They thought it was a negotiating ploy for more money. She was actually negotiating for less.... in terms of time. We can get by with her working 10 hours a weeks, so 40 was waaaay too much for her - lol. She *much* preferred a 30-35 hour week, get her massive work load done within those hours. What she couldn't handle was the stupid shit her boss threw at her a few times a day that whittled away her precious time to finish her actual job.

So she said she was unhappy. To that boss, that translated to "I want more money"; to which his response was, "work more hours and you can make more AND get the stupid shit done for me that I am too lazy to do myself even though it takes me just as long to tell you what needs to be done as if I did it myself." Her response? "I Quit."

There *ARE* people in the world where making the most dollars isn't the important thing to us. I suspect Tom Brady's motivation is to have a dynasty for the next 10 years (hey, if the Patriots put their dollars in offensive lineman, Tom's got probably 10 more years). What would be better? To have the record books have your name 10 times as the Super Bowl Quarterback? Or to make sooooooo much, all of the other quarterbacks wants to be you.... just until the next greedy person comes along and makes a better deal?

Filed under Sports Talk.

Defining Blogging - Journalism?

2005-03-04T09:06:00.000-08:00

Haven't seen any sites mentioning this but a case is going before the California court today that should be of interest to Gannon/Fishbowl D.C./White House watchers. Apple is suing three sites for disclosure of trade secrets. Apparently, these three sites posted information about Apple's upcoming products and Apple wants to know who gave thiem this information.

Well, these three intrepid bloggers are claiming that they are protected by journalistic standards and thus source confidentiality. Not so fast, says the judge. The judge is taking some time out to decide whether these three bloggers qualify as journalists.

So, is California going to be the one to define for the nation who is and who isn't a journalist? Should these standards then be applied to the White House? If these three aren't journalists, then should the White House rescind the apparently-much-harder-to-obtain-than-just-walking-in daily pass that Fishbowl D.C. just got? Will Gannon/Guckert finally *get* it that he didn't qualify to be a journalist NOT because he got paid to salute guys with more than just his hand. He didn't qualify because he wasn't one. Period.

Anyway, just something to think about.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.

Suggestion for Garrett

2005-03-02T13:04:00.000-08:00

I love this guy. He's trying to get into the White House Briefing since he's got nearly the same credentials (if not more in the journalist side) as Gannon/Guckert. But it's been Day 2 and he's struck out. Wonder what he's doing wrong?

Could it be:

He has no tricks up his pants?
There aren't any favorable reviews of his inches to be found?
He's never appeared spread eagle with only his whanger standing up?
He's never thanked Karl Rove on any articles he's written?
He's undisclosed as a top or bottom?
There's hair on his head?
He spits and doesn't swallow?
He's never paid$50 for a 2-day seminar that "certifies" him to be a journalist?

The other thing I wonder is... how many people, like Garrett has decided to follow in Gannon/Guckert's footsteps. And following that answer, I wonder how many interns and employees is cussing the name of the person who let in Mr. Jeff Gannon, the poor victimized call-boy journalist of the much vaunted Right.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Fight Night Round 2 Review

2005-03-02T09:07:00.000-08:00

Sheesh, if I don't watch it, this will become a gamer's blog, instead of the mish-mesh that it currently is.

Okay, picked up Fight Night Round 2 last night. Again, praise and honors need to go to my patient gf who knows how I get when I count down to something. I had it all planned out in my head. She was going to stop by Gamestop, pick it up, I'd have it in my hot little hands by 5:00; 5:20 we'd be home and I'd THROW the laundry into drawers and whatnot; and by 5:23 I'd be loading up the game.

Well, needless to say, my plans were thwarted. By 5:35 I was fuming. If one took an ultra-violet picture of me just then, one would've seen plumes of steam billowing from my head. First of all, the guy at Gamestop gave me the PS2 version. Then Taco Bell took forever! Okay, it was probably 2 minutes longer than usual but still!

When we went back to the store to get the XBox version, this ol' bitch of a lady said, "There's a line!" and proceeded to do the following: "How much is that? Okay, add that to the total... oh no, too much, take that item off. How much is this? Okay, add this to the total."

I huffed. I puffed. I explained that it takes TWO SWIPES and I'd be out of there. This batfaced lady screeched again "There's a line!" Thank goodness, the Gamestop guy took pity on my impatient soul and ignored her for 45 SECONDS to handle my exchange. I thanked him profusely, then drove like I was living in GTA: San Andreas.

Okay, here's the quick review:

I LOVE IT! I've not found anything to dislike yet about the game, but honestly, that's how I felt about the first game. It wasn't until weeks later that I found myself wishing for a better tactical/defensive game, for being able to change weights, for wanting the changes in stats and physical appearance to actually mean something. (One day, I want to talk about this sentence - actually mean something. Okay, this is a software program. Nothing I'm talking about here actually means something in the real sense. I gotta remember this)

Fight Night Round 2 so far delivers on all those desires. You can defend yourself while leaning back now so if you want to make like Ali and rope-a-dope, you can. Just be VERY VERY careful. I got knocked out trying to use that strategy. You can also walk ahead of you and cover your head, so if you want to make like present-day George Foreman and be a lumbering giant who just throws out heavy jab after heavy jab, one... jab... at .... a .... time... you could. (But seriously, who'd want to do that? I'm sure Foreman, if he played this game would be playing a younger him, not the present day him.)

So far, my agility isn't high up so I'm having trouble developing the jab and move style. When I have the patience, I am a countering fool. It's fun to hear the whoosh of the miss. Haymakers look like they're easy to do, but I'll tell you this much. Every time I threw one, I was surprised.

The mini-games are okay. I do like the fact that there are different weeks between fighters and you can choose which person to fight depending on how many fights you want to have a year. I don't like the fact that if you choose the EA special fight, that it's over 20 weeks and you can only train from one mini-game during that entire time.

And yes, it's much more fun than the original. You actually have to try and move your guy around a lot more now.

Filed under Reviews and Gaming-Obsess Much?.

Why Christians fear Gay Marriage

2005-03-01T12:04:00.000-08:00

A little background here: I took Jesus Christ to be my Savior in 1976. I then took Him to be Lord of my life in 1980. In 1982, I turned my back on the church, tho I never let go of Christ's teachings.

Most Christians I knew were good-hearted, giving people, who thought fairly well of themselves. I mean, they will immediately identify themselves as the good guys. Mind you, my whole family is pretty much Christian. Our family was converted by the missionaries in Shanghai about 100, 125 years ago, maybe longer.

My grandmother played the piano for the church as well as led the junior choir for umpteen years. My cousin is youth director of his church. My other cousin works with the youth choir. My mother donates thousands of dollars to her church every years, presumably to offset my cheating father.

While it's easy for me to group all the Christians into one tub and hate what they're doing to our country, I sometimes need to remember that this is my family I'm talking about... these are friends from years gone by I no longer keep in touch with but have fond memories of them.

I keep reading the following: that Christians oppose gay marriage because they're afraid that straight marriage will disintegrate. I beg to differ.

I believe Christians oppose gay marriage because they are afraid of what it tells God about them. Let's say you're failing all your classes except one. If you can ace this one test, you can at least then say, well, I aced this class. I think the vehemence behind the opposition is because most Christians are failing their classes and they're hoping passing this one class will allow them entry through the pearly gates.

"Of course not, God. No, I don't support the gay life... Wha? No, sir, those lesbian porno flicks doesn't mean I'm supporting the gay lifestyle. How much wouldn't I support it? Well, I voted against gay marriage sir! That's how much!"

Filed under Scary Gay Stuff and Reveries & Paranoias

Reality, meet Distortion

2005-03-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've read in three reports that when Putin said something to Bush about firing Dan Rather, Bush was "open-mouthed". And then I read something like this....

The odd episode reinforced the Administration's view that Putin's impressions of America are often based on urban myths fed to him by ill-informed aides.

Umm, urban myths like Weapons of Mass Destruction? Like connections between Hussein and Al Qaeda?

I really feel like sitting our Idiot-in-Chief down and showing him Sesame Street. Just the segments on "One of these things is not like the other" so he can finally learn what actions are similar to others and which ones aren't.

For example: Hiring someone to peddle your policies and make it seem like news ... it's similar to what Putin does. It is NOT similar to what FREE PRESS is about. Get it?

*sigh* Didn't think so.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Distortive Headlines

2005-03-01T10:49:00.000-08:00

So, I'm surfing around the NYT and I see the following headlines blaring out at me:

Man Shot at Radio Station During On-Air Appearance by Rapper 50 Cent

Hmm, I say. Who is 50 Cent and why would he want to shoot someone while he's on the air? I mean, doesn't that make like 50,000 witnesses? And so, click I go. And I realize that a man was shot WHILE 50 Cent was on the air, not BY 50 Cent.

Wouldn't one have thunk that the NEW YORK TIMES wouldn't write a headline like that?

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Evolving with the Mac

2005-02-28T13:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm writing in green as a sort of good bye to my faithful green iMac, who have served me faithfully all these years. I bought it waaaaaaay back in 1996, right when I started my own business and honestly, I think I've shut it off maybe 20 times since then.

I bought my lil 333 mhz iMac about 6 months before the release of OS X, at least that's what I remember. I remember it was only loaded with OS 9.0 and it was months before I got system 9.1. I've always been a tad afraid of OS X, what with it's metallic look, it's trasition from a number to a roman numeral, with its ferocious names like Panther, Tiger, or whatnot.

I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't quite expecting what I found.

First off, with OS X, the Mac reminds the user with almost every click of the mouse, that it is first and foremost, a graphics machine. When I minimized a window, I almost gasped out loud as my pretty lil iBook melted the window into the task bar below. Shades of Dali!

Then I looked around for the screen saver. As any good stoner will tell you, the screen saver is one of the best bits about the computer. There's been times where just to stop my brain from talking to me, I will turn on a screen saver and totally zone out. It's a much needed exercise for those of you (like me) doesn't have an off switch to internal voices.

The screen saver in itself is a thing to behold. You can load it up with pictures, and the internal camera will zoom in and out, making it into a little movie. The random stuff that appears and moves around... well, all of them have this neat look to them that just doesn't scream computer.

I'm not sure what I feel about the commands to the system being under the Apple menu but I think it's just habit that's making me unsure. I remember thinking when I first got a computer, why is the damn shut down in the middle of the screen? Shouldn't it be out of the way a bit? And now that it is, habit makes me unsure whether I like it. *rolls eyes at herself*

More later when I can wean myself away from WoW. OH!!! The start up and shut down time of the iBook is HALF that of the Gateway using XP. Half! Oh, and the WoW version loads much faster than the pc version. (like half the time).

Another plus for my iBook? It's half the weight of the Gateway with just as much power.

Filed under Cool Shit.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

2005-02-25T18:17:00.000-08:00

I'm working on my ibook right now. This is way too cool. However, cheap lil me bought the previous generation ibook, so it's not loaded with the most recent OS, so I'm downloading it right now.

Couple of corrections: my lover read about the happiest day of my life being my new ibook, and fight night round 2 and laughed out loud. She said, "Shouldn't it be the new ibook, that you have a gf who buys all this stuff for you, and THEN fight night?" She was willing to place herself behind the ibook!!!!! I tell you, she's one in a million.

2nd correction is: There are two copies of WoW available at the bigger Target in San Lorenzo. Go now! Hurry, before the crowds come tomorrow.

Okay, it's almost done updating now. I should go restart the new ibook and load the game. Don't expect to hear from me for a couple of days, unless I can't help myself.

Filed under Cool Shit; Bloodsport, err Relatives; Bwahahahaha and Gaming-Obsess Much?

It's here, It's here!!!!!

2005-02-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

*dances around with glee and drools disgustingly*

My pretty little ibook is here!!!! Finally, I get to play WoW with my girl, and with some of my online pals that I met through a MUD called Threshold. It's basically one of the few MMORPGs out there that support both Macs and PCs and it's kicking butt out there. Try going to find a copy of it here in Northern California. When we bought our copy, it took us four stores before we could get it and then it was only at a new computer/gaming store that was tucked away in a corner of a strip mall.

First, I gotta read up about OS X tho. Yeah, I'm *that* far behind the times. *sighs* My family thinks I've been whittling away my funds on electronics and stuff for the past 10 years. However it's been 6 years since I bought a new computer and I have been going through withdrawal hell. I'm used to upgrading my computer every 3-4 years, like a good little mac-head.

*dances some more and twirls her girl around*

"happy happy joy joy! happy happy joy joy!"

I *CANNOT* believe the friggin screen saver on my little ol ibook IS A MOVIE!

*pppppbbbbttttt!* to pc users.

It's the little things in life... Yes, it's really rare to see grumpy, curmudgeonly me doing the happy dance. But here it is.. this is going down as one of the happiest in my life. I got a new ibook AND fight night round two is coming out on Tuesday. I've already ordered my copy, have you?

Look for me next week and you're going to find a bleary-eyed zombie... I can't wait!

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Cool Shit.

I am Gay, but NOT a Hooker

2005-02-25T09:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, Tom Tomorrow addresses this in this blog entry and it's one of the things since this whole Gannon/Guckert thing began that has REALLY irked me.

How does pointing out that a gay hooker in the White House doesn't belong there mean we're against gay rights?

In order to jump to this conclusion, there must be the end result of all gays are hookers and therefore to be anti-gay hookers is to be anti-gay.

For the record, I have never paid for sex... well at least in money. I've paid for it in blood and sweat and tears, that's for sure. AND, I've never made anyone pay to have sex with me. AND I'M ANTI-HYPOCRISY. For the record too, I see NOTHING wrong with paying for sex or getting paid for sex. I actually wanted to try a hooker in Amsterdam but never got drunk enough to really go through with it.

However, I do want to congratulate you conservatives on making this BIG leap towards progressiveness. I mean, geeze, here you are, wanting to make changes in our constitution to ensure that we gays NEVER get the right to visit our loved ones if they're dying in the hospital, that we cannot pass on property to the person we shared our lives with, that my assets go towards relatives who tolerated me instead of the one who gave her all for me.

But Congratulations... you're saying it's okay for us to get paid for sex. By the way, do you know who pays us for sex? It's the straight married ones who have to pay for it... cause they're the ones who have to sneak. So make it legit. Let us service yours, that you can't service yourself. You friggin hypocrites.

Filed under Politics & B.S. and Scary Gay Stuff.

Nausicaa of the Wind

2005-02-23T14:46:00.000-08:00

Huge huge fan of Hayao Miyazaki here and the movie I have been waiting since 1986 is finally finally out on DVD here.

Sure, there was a version put out in the late 80's but it had 20 minutes of animation cut out. If you look at that version, and the original version, you will find that all the subtlety to the characters, the the surroundings, to plot development were edited out. *sighs* No wonder Americans are not known for subtlety.

This is one of Mr. Miyazaki's earlier works but probably one with the longest reach. Tho you can still buy Totoro stuffed animals, Nausicaa has continued in manga form. That has been translated into English, I believe.

For those of you mommies with little girls, run and get this movie. The heroine is plucky, brave, and strong. I had a bad crush on her when I first saw the movie, well, actually I wanted to be her. (why is it all my heroes/heroines have mostly been fictional? I guess few real persons has been able to have the dedication to their ideals that I require for them to stand on a pedestal for me.)

Anyway, go rent this movie. And after your jaw drops and you wonder why Disney can't do this kind of work, go buy it.

Filed under Reviews.

Equal Opportunity

2005-02-23T11:40:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been trying to put out the word to people that if they have a blog, and are writing politically, they should try and get a daily pass to the White House briefings.

*smacks herself on the head*

Boy, was that a dumb idea. What I should've been suggesting is that FEMALE escorts with websites, write a few articles, then try to get into the White House Briefings.

If you are turned away, then SUE for discrimination. After all, why should gay males have all the publicity. If there are lesbian escorts out there... well, where the hell were you when I was young and single and wouldn't mind at all paying for a good looking dyke to hang out with me.

Filed under Politics & B.S. and Scary Gay Stuff.

Got another I Love It!!!!!

2005-02-23T09:04:00.000-08:00

I love it when you buy a new product.... like say, the BIC Atlantis mechanical pencil and really enjoy using it. And you use it until the eraser runs out so you start looking for a replacement. After scouring the office supplies catalog for 15 minutes, squinting at the tiny print in there, you come to the conclusion, oh BIC doesn't make its own refills.

So you spend another 15 minutes scouring for something that'll let you know the size of the erasers since the erasers in the office was bought for another product and it doesn't fit. Then you try the office supply store and after 5 mins., they realize there is nothing in their product descriptions or anything that would give you any help. So you ask for the BIC helpline.

Now, suppose all this happened to you. You'd have thought that BIC could be helpful in the least couldn't you. After all, you're calling them to say, Hey, I've gone through so many pencils and I'm finally settling on this pencil for my pencil of choice! I want to continue to use it so please tell me how to get replacement erasers for my pencil.

However, in today's society, where the richer get richer and the poor say, "please, take my money with my pleasure, just make sure those nasty terrorists don't come after me"; where apparently people know Bush lied about the WMD, but it's okay cause look, we've got an East America now and access to oil that we know we're going to need cause we are all so in love with our hugeass road-hogging SUVs... In THIS society, it's perfectly okay to come out with a new product line with little support.

Microsoft, I blame you!

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Reviews

Female Bloggers

2005-02-21T13:08:00.000-08:00

So a woman pundit poses a question to the L.A. Times opinion editor and sparks off debate in the blogosphere as to why there are so few women bloggers.

Well, Kevin Drum of Washington Monthly speaks his opinion here, and I've seen others write about it too.

Okay, first of all, I'm going to talk about the comics retailer syndrome - which is, whenever you ask a comic book retailer how many kids go to his store, he will say a small percentage. But if you do the actual math, you will find that the actual number of kids who go into that store is higher. But why is his perception skewed? Cause human nature says you recognize those of the same stature or higher, not lower. Unless the kid gives the retailer a reason to remember him/her, chances are the retailer will dismiss him/her.

(Don't believe that's human nature? Quick, how many waiters were in that nice restaurant you went to for Valentines? Okay, now how many waitresses?)

Thus, Feminist blogs tends to have blogrolls of women or men who write about those issues and political blogs - (because politics is a male-dominated field) - tends to act towards women bloggers in a myopic fashion.

The second reason for the lack of women bloggers in a punditry fashion is... (I think I'm going to get slammed for this) the way we write and talk.

I once heard a joke that went something like this. "Ask a man where the sugar is and you'll get, it's under the sink. Ask a woman where the sugar is and you'll get "Well, I went to the grocery store, found it on sale so I bought a whole bunch, and then came home to find no room! So I put most of it under the sink, and the rest I filled up in the container over there."

Some people have likened this to Men are from Mars.... etc. I just think that men give the answers and women give the circumstances so you understand the reasoning behind the answers.

It is two different ways of communicating and this is not to say that one cannot be trained in the other way of communicating nor is it solely isolated to one gender and not the other.

In terms of political commentary, I think readers prefer a more theorem-proof way of writing. By this, I mean break out the dusty geometry books from high school and look up proofs. Political commentary is set up like that. Pose a theory, use formulas and logic to present your arguments 1, 2, & 3, restate your theory and show that it's proven.

I look back at my own ramblings here and tho I can be snarky, sarcastic and opinionated, I do tend to run all over the place. I feel no need to organize my thoughts. So don't expect to see me on any blogrolls anytime soon lol

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

2005-02-18T14:41:00.000-08:00

Noticed this article in E & P about Scott McClellan and looks like no one's posted about it yet.

Notice this part: "He faxed a letter in on his [GOPUSA] letterhead, they checked that it was a Web site he worked for," McClellan explained, referring to his staffers who handled such credentialing at the time. "There was a check to make sure it was a news organization and a news Web site. There was a determination made at that point [that it was legitimate]."

And then notice this part: He said he currently has a staff of 12, only one of whom handles the 20 to 25 daily press passes issued each day.

Only 20-25? I think it's due to this volume that they see no reason to change. I still think that it should be suggested that every fan-boy and fan-girl of GWB be putting up a website and inundating them with requests to present a favorable view of the POTUS.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Rumsfeld's Responses - good enough for Congress & Public...

2005-02-17T12:45:00.000-08:00

So I wonder if it's good enough for the IRS.

Let's see:

"I can't pay what I owe the IRS cause you get taxes from the citizenry you have, not the citizenry you might want or you wish to have in the future."
"How much do you owe?" "I am not going to give you an answer."
"Do you care to make a comment about why you're not paying the full amount?" "I don't"
"What about this report that shows you got paid $10 from a lotto ticket?" "I am not familiar with the ticket you're referring to."
"How long will your unemployment last?" "There's never been an unemployment that was predictable as to length, casualty or cost in the history of mankind."
Here's the doozy "Well, it looks as if you are trying to claim some long-term expenses crammed into this year's return, how do you explain that?" "Well, the matter is really BEYOND my pay grade." Okay, Rumsfeld is the friggin' SEC'Y OF DEFENSE! How much higher beyond his pay grade can you get? OH! Did he mean that it was a matter for Schwartznegger since Ah-nuld make millions a year as opposed to half a million?
"Can you give us an estimate as to how many companies you worked for this past year? " "I am not going to give you a number for it because it isn't my job to do intelligent work." Swear to Heck, Rummy said this.

Hey, if these responses are good enough for my government, I see no reason why they can't work for me.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Ironic observation.

2005-02-16T14:12:00.000-08:00

This is from a Newsweek article

Nine hundred and nine women in Texas recently told researchers they find taking care of their kids about as much fun as cleaning their house, slightly less pleasurable than cooking, and a whole lot less enjoyable than watching TV.

Presumably some of these people also think that abortion is murder. So instead, we have households full of children, who are being brought up by parents who think of them as chores.

Don't be surprised if these children end up drowning theirs in a lake somewhere.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

It's time to play...

2005-02-16T13:54:00.000-08:00

Guess what caused our terror alert to go up?

Is it....

terrorists are gathering forces at our borders?
that there's been evidence of WMD's finally sighted within Iraq's borders?

Or is it...

that people are starting to pay too much attention to the shenanigans of the White House and their relationships with the press....
with Halliburton....
with outing CIA operatives...
fuzzy math about social security?

Quick, sound the alert, they're getting too nosy. Whew, that did it. Now the press will go on for days if the terror alert was legit... and we can get back to saying that Personal Accounts aren't private, they're to ensure that you personally give $ to Corporations.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

It's so great to be an American

2005-02-16T11:36:00.000-08:00

Man, where else in the world can you, for $17.50, throw up a website proclaiming "news", then for $50 and ONLY 2 days of your life, get credentials as a journalist and ... and... here's the icing dude, get to ask the President questions!

I feel like someone should do a Ginsu Knife endorsement too. And for no extra charge, we'll throw in this extra daily press pass, free!

I wonder how large that press room in the White House is. And I wonder how many people have figured out that if Gannon/Guckert could do it, so could they. I mean, what a wonderful image for the world to see... just like those ink-stained fingers. A press room full of new journalists eager to pose their question to the President's own Press Secretary. AND if you tivo it, (which I'm sure Gannon/Guckert does) perhaps see yourself on c-span or something like that. I mean, you don't even have to buy your own video camera. The TV stations will provide that for you.

God, is America wonderful or what?

BTW good news for all you wannabe Gannon/Guckerts. The White House and Correspondents had an emergency meeting yesterday to discuss whether or not tighter security should apply to them and guess what? They decided no changes needed to be made. So all of you wannabe's. Go get your credentials, go buy a website name, hire someone (after all, you should do your bit to keep the economy going) to make your website and if you REALLY want to hit the big time, have this guy throw up a porn site for you as well. It's only a few hundred dollars more but the publicity, you just can't buy. Then, rush over and put your REAL name in with the White House. But feel free to publish your articles under such monikers as "Bulldog" or something like that. Make sure it's a real manly name too like Gannon. or J.D. That way, they won't look too closely.

Such a great country.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.

Solitude and Plans with myself

2005-02-15T13:38:00.000-08:00

Because most people see me as a social animal, they don't get that under that exterior, resides a person who is RESENTFUL of people's intrusions into solitude.

When people see me, it is because I have put on the skin of a social animal. Yes, the skin fits nicely, can be snug in some places but yes, it is awfully comfortable. But it IS a skin. And because it's a skin, I REALLY look forward to when I can be alone.

But resignedidealist, you say, you're living with your lover. When are you ever alone? The answer to that question is, of course, when she goes away. Solitude, to people like us, is a commodity. It is ultra precious, when we are in a relationship because the very nature of a relationship means less solitude.

Why is this coming up now? Cause my girl is going away this weekend, and my best friend wants to visit. ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

Talk about being caught in the middle. First of all, my best friend is the antithesis of a solitary person. He wants company to go to the 7-11. (BTW, my girl is the same way... now you see why solitude is so friggin' precious to me?) Therefore, because he is like this, he has absolutely no comprehension of my giddiness over being alone. To him, his husband going away would be a week of boredom, a week of listlessness, a week of stir-craziness.

To me, a week without my lover means, Hawaiian Barbeque, or Ducks in the Window food, or anything else I like to eat that she doesn't. (FYI, her trips home indicate the same thing for her: she loads up on mushrooms and other ugh food). To me, it means a week of making sure there's always pepsi's in the fridge, and cigarettes by the bed cause she's not here to remind me. So, by the time I get to my computer, or game or movie, I KNOW that there's nothing else to remember for the night and that I can really, actually relax and drive all thoughts of reality out of my brain. (I do have this to say tho, my girl tries to help me out in this whenever she can - it's just when your lover says she's hungry, it's harder to ignore than your own tummy. At least that's always been the case for me)

I think solitude holds so much value to me because I am somebody who is more in tune with other people's unhappiness than my own. And because of this, I am very aware of my efforts to ease other people's ways. And since I don't ease my own way, it's only during the solitude days that I get to do everything just for me.

Honestly, I think that's very much how I fell into being a hermit for about 4 years. I discovered the joys of not having to cater to anyone else. And the relief of that gave me the impetus not to get in touch with anyone for that long.

Filed under Bloodsport, err Relatives and Reveries & Paranoias.

Thank you Chris Bowers

2005-02-10T11:49:00.000-08:00

I really should update the links on the side. I read so many blogs now but I haven't added to my list at all and some of those I've listed, I'm not reading as frequently anymore.

There's an article in MyDD.com by Chris Bowers that I heartily and fully agree with. America is changing... and what it's changing into is NOT a pretty sight.

The problem with the changes that are happening isn't that it's the government forcing them on us. It's us. It's us taking their changes, grinning about it and yelling "Thank you Sir, May I have another?"

There's a part of me that wants to run. It's like watching people self-destruct. You want to help, you really want to, but until they want your help, anything you offer will be tossed aside. America is self-destructing and it's doing it with the help and complicity of the American people. I've been here before, trying to help alcoholics and crystal meth users. I just end up feeling frustrated, helpless and angry. And that's what's happening to me now about my feelings here.

I've already discussed this with my other. We're starting to look at other countries as possibilities. When someone is hell-bent on self-destructing, all you can do is move yourself out of the way and hope none of the carnage falls on you.

I worry for my nephews and nieces, since they will be growing up here, listening to all the white noise and not being able to distinguish what is for the common good and what is beneficial towards one specific group of people.

Remember that old thing about the nazis... that old poem about when they came for this one, I figured it's none of my business.... and then they came for me.

Just remember this, Americans. Think of this formula.

White House is making things easier for corporations to thrive.
Mergers are occurring weekly which is a result corporate evolution - the strongest, most adaptable wins.
Corporations are bound to no ONE COUNTRY.
America owes money to China and Egypt. A LOT OF MONEY.
When China and Egypt comes to collect and there is NOTHING in our accounts cause we gave it freely to corporations (either through schemes like personal/private accounts or through corporate welfare or through consumerism), think the corporations are going to say, "sure, U.S. of A. You've been so good and kind to us over the years, here's a few trillion dollars to get you out of debt." Nope, they're going to go to another sucker country and try the same. It's called rotating crops folks. You use one field up, go to another, and dry up that. When that one is dried up, you can go back to the first field.
Meanwhile our government makes us feel better about ourselves by pointing out, we're so much better than those guys over there, why don't we go over their, kick their asses so we can show them a better way of life?" (WHICH is directly against Jesus' teachings)
Therefore: the American public is getting screwed, is being set up to get screwed and at the same time asking to get screwed.

Filed under Politics & B.S. and Reveries & Paranoias.

ENOUGH with the Snark!!!!

2005-02-09T15:21:00.000-08:00

Damnit you all.... enough with the snark!

All day, I've been reading about the Gannon/Guckert shit... and here's what I hear from the blogosphere. "We did it!" "Let's give them some of their own medicine!" "Let's hear it for the Blogosphere!" It's so much that me, ONE OF YOU is getting ready to tune out.

Look, this wasn't about Gannon. This wasn't about whether he has a gay site on the side. Yes, I'm sickened by his hypocrisy as well, BUT KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL FOLKS.

This is about US! This is about propaganda! This is about Lies. This is about the american public getting bamboozled yet again, not by Gannon, WHO IS SMALL FRY! This is about Scott McClellan running to Gannon OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHICH EITHER MEANS Scott knows a good thing when he sees one OR THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION WAS IN ON IT.

ALSO, Dan Froomkin of the WaPo HAS BEEN TRYING TO GET SOMEONE TO WORK ON THIS FOR A YEAR NOW! He's asked SEVERAL times who the hell this Jeff Gannon was who is getting these softball question. YET NOW, you're getting to it. So pat yourself on the backs folks, and just think, if this story had broken when Dan Froomkin first wrote about it, MAYBE WE WOULDN'T BE LOOKING AT IRAN AS POSSIBLE ARTILLERY FODDER RIGHT NOW!.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Stoner Games

2005-02-08T13:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, I admit it, I'm a huge stoner. And I love video/computer games. And there are some games out there that are more condusive towards a.... shall we say, an altered perspective?

Googling about, I see lots of lists of stoner games. But most of them tend to be about visuals. For me, a good stoner game fits the following criteria:

The game has to have a sense of surrealism;
Though most likely repetitive, it doesn't HAVE to be - it just has to maintain that state of blissful indifferent enjoyment (In other words, your blood pressure must remain the same or drop) (In other other words, maintain the mellow, man);
Bonus if the game can illicit giggles;
Cannot make you sweat or hyperventilate;

In my life, I've found a few games that fit this criteria. Space Invaders fit a few of the criteria but it gets mind-numbing after half an hour or so. Pong, same thing. Pac-man and his missus? Nope, BP can elevate with that game.

The first game that I found that truly fit this was Tetris. I'm talking the ORIGINAL Tetris, the one that came from Russia, the one that was on my Mac, in glorious B/W with the weird Russian music in the background. The one I always wish I was playing whenever I play with these newfangled colored ones that you can compete with another on. Ugh. Gimme that wonderful grayscale game any time.

The second game I found that was like this was the little tiny shareware or freeware game for the Mac called Scarab of Ra. My pal Mark still has that on his mac though he has to switch back to OS 9.1 to play it. The thing that made it great was that it randomly generated a map every time you played. Freshness with familiarity, an important factor for Stoner Games.

Anyway, here's my list:

Civilization (all three versions on the fairly easy levels - to maintain the mellow, man) Mac/PC: The harder levels are much too challenging; however, the lower levels are great for getting that "I'm taking over the world, Pinky" feeling yet not exerting too much mental prowess. The building of roads, laying down irrigation fields, building railroads and mining hills can qualify as the repetitive part. (BTW, my love and I have figured out a great way to play Civ together... I do the boring repetitive parts, and she does the warring, taking over the world part. And yeah, I'm the major stoner in the family, not her;
ToeJam and Earl, Sega Genesis: Up to about 6 months ago, I'd say this was arguably the BEST stoner game ever made. You NEVER lose your mellow on that even when being chased by milktrucks... okay, the crazy dentist WILL make your BP higher but it's such a short burst that it feels more like a rush than a debilitating surge.
Pogo games, Internet: All the great addictive little games, like solitaire, slots, bingo, colors, balloons are featured here with a GREAT twist. The whole object behind the programming of these games was to make them fairly easy to win. One of the programmers is the brother-in-law of a great friend of mine and has told me so.
Last but not least, Katamari Damacy, PS2: To explain this game is foolhardy. Many have attempted, all have fallen short. The closest is probably this review. My problem is, I'm currently saving my thumbs for Fight Night Round 2. Which actually deserves an honorable mention here under Stoner Games.
Honorable Mention - Fight Night 2004/Round 2 Xbox, PS2, GC: While playing Fight Night is not a good stoner activity, watching Fight Night can be. Ever wonder how Muhammed Ali would do against Roberto "Hands of Stone" Duran? Or an Evander Holyfield against Sugar Ray Leonard? My other is bracing herself. When March 1st hits (the day Fight Night Round 2 comes out), she's expecting to hear punching in her sleep, either with me as a player or me as a boxing connoiseur. She's going to be getting it too.

Filed under Reviews and Gaming-Obsess Much?.

I Love Its Part 2....

2005-02-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

Ever hear of a little machine called the E707 series Postage Meter by Pitney Bowes, also known as the Personal Post? Well, it's a handy dandy little machine allright, but here's the I Love It...

About 2/3's of its usage, the machine will let you know that the ink cartridge is running out of ink. That in itself isn't the I Love It. Here's the part that fits: After it lets you know this, it will ask you if you wish to perform a print test. Now, ANY BUTTON except the "no" button will start the print test. And what is the test? A series of lines that use up MORE INK than if you used it for postage. Now out of 10 times, I will probably accidentally hit ANY BUTTON but the "no" button and start the print test. Astoundingly, the cartridge usually lasts for about 3-4 weeks after the first "running out of ink" message. But still, isn't there ANY way to test if there's ink left than to USE UP MORE INK?

Filed under Reviews.

Nightmares

2005-02-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning screaming "It's not my fault!" and bursting into sobs of despair.

All this because of my trip down to L.A. a few weeks ago, the logistics of a repayment of a debt, AND pms. I hate it when I know the exact causes of my nightmares.

In my torturous dream, I was surrounded by my relatives - my mother, my sister, a male figure (I can't tell if it's my ex brother in law or my father) as well as a chorus of other voices, all accusatory. One would ask me in an accusatory tone, then as I started to answer and give a genuine answer like I do with my other, another voice interrupted and posed another accusation. As I spun to answer that one, another voice'd pipe in.

I started screaming, "You're not listening! You don't want answers, you just want to blame!" but the others drowned mine out. "It's NOT MY FAULT!"

I woke up, drenched in sweat. I kicked off my blankets, and tried to go back to sleep. No avail. I finally let out my frustrations in a yell and woke my other up. She leaned over and threw an arm over me but it was too late, I was shuddering with sobs.

To my family:

I cannot talk to you. You are not interested in what I have to say.

You cannot escape the bonds of heritage and neither can I. In your eyes, I am forever youngest daughter, younger sister - to be scolded into doing what you want, to be blamed for anything that goes wrong. In my eyes, I am forever youngest daughter, younger sister - to walk away from your accusations and tones is disrespect. I therefore stay away so I don't have to walk away.

Going to a restaurant where they serve something I mentioned in passing IS NOT going somewhere I want to go. Get it clear. YOU ARE NOT DOING ME ANY FAVORS. IF YOU WERE, We'd be going to BEEF BOWL! That is what I want. The food there is cheap so I won't have to hear you bitch about how much you spend on me. I LIKE the food there. So please, do not say that it is for me. IT IS FOR YOU.

I am an adult in my own house. We have an open atmosphere where we can talk about anything. If we are having problems, WE RESOLVE IT and we don't sweep it under the rug. We can hear the accusations the other is making because we are willing to listen to the defenses the other makes to the accusations. That is what is known as having a DIALOGUE. I enjoy dialogues even if it means I don't get my way most of the time. BECAUSE! The important thing to me is to be heard. I am NOT an unreasonable person. However, when I am facing insanity, I will often resort to being unreasonable. GET THE HINT!

I do not think it is too much to ask that I be treated with respect. However, I acknowledge that it is too much to ask that YOU treat me with respect. That is why I am not asking for the impossible anymore. I just ask that you do not give me grief when I visit seldomly. I don't like you all. I don't like the way you treat me. I don't like the person I am when I'm with you. AND I don't like that the effects of my visits linger for weeks afterwards. That is why I limit my visits to you.

My sister, you say that you don't want me to lie to you when I say I don't want to come down south. Can you hear that part of my reasoning is because of you? Can you understand that your treatment of me is like that to a 19 year old and that I don't feel like I need to tolerate it anymore and because I don't know how to break the role I just choose to stay away? Can you deal with the fact that when you told me that I should've prevented your son from leaving with his grandmother's cell phone, that he is 23 years old and if he says he'll be back that night, HE'S THE ONE WHO SHOULD'VE BEEN BLAMED, AND NOT ME? And that THIS is the main reason why I don't come down there?

I am tired of hating you all. Do you know how many family movie/tv dramas I make my other sit through because I can't get enough? Cause to me, my family represents false accusations, feelings of undeserved guilt and general unpleasantness?

Mark's Mom loved my other. *THAT* felt great. But how can I expect you to accept her, when you can't even accept me?

Filed under Bloodsport, err Relatives.

Is it my imagination or....

2005-02-02T18:25:00.000-08:00

...is Liar-in-Chief totally smirking as he's pulling the wool?

...did the entire military just signal to America that they don't believe him when they didn't stand up? Or are they not allowed to?

... did he just say, don't trust the government cause we might take your money away, but trust us to make sure that the corporations won't? ROFLMAO Ohmigod, he DID just say that. This is what the Democrats should hammer, that THIS is the message he's telling us.

Excuse me while I barf.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

She says....

2005-02-02T18:23:00.000-08:00

"It sucks to be 54!"

I love my girl. This is right after Liar-in-Chief said something about people over 55 shouldn't worry.

Filed under Bloodsport, err Relatives.