Monday, January 24, 2005

Family History

During the weekend, I thought I wanted to write here about the dysfunction that is my family. But, having lived through it, I'm exhausted. Just suffice to say, I felt attacked from all direction except from that of the young'uns and hence, the majority of my time and my memories were with them.

So perhaps another day, I will have the strength and the patience to explain some of why sometimes, my visits liken to a war zone.

Filed under Bloodsport, err Relatives.

Friday, January 21, 2005

People need to visit other countries.

I've said this once and I'll say it a thousand times. In an Op-Ed column by Thomas Friedman there's a quote from a Palestinian:
... I wish I could vote in your election because your government affects my daily life more than my own.'

A Palestinian!!! Hear that folks? OUR GOVERNMENT AFFECTS THEIR DAILY LIVES. In fact, I would go so far as to say, Our federal government affects THEIR daily lives MUCH more than it affects MY daily life.

We are so insular here, that we have no idea how meddlesome our government truly is. Probably, because states rights have always been such a huge issue here and there's a clear distinction between what the Feds can or can't do, we expect that the same is true when it comes to borders between country.

But it's not. Because America is big, our government is basically a bully. And one little policy here could upset delicate balances in other countries. WHICH IS WHY THE TERRORISTS ARE AFTER US! Not because you believe in God or Jesus. Not cause you were jeans and listen to rock and roll. It's cause most of us don't care what the government does AS LONG AS THEY DON'T FUCK WITH US. So, the government says, fine, we'll go fuck with other people.

As long as our government fucks with others, (listen or read the inaugural speech. It basically repeats what Bush said earlier, if you're not with us, you're against us and if you're against us, we're going to fuck with you.) there will be people out there who resent our meddling.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

A Celebration of Mediocrity

In the White House Briefing by Dan Froomkin in the WaPo, there is a section in which Laura Bush talks about her daughter Jenna Bush mispronounces Sioux City as "Sigh-yocks City."

Okay, first off, Jenna Bush is a graduate of the University of Texas with a degree in ENGLISH!

Secondly, aren't librarians supposed to be all about literacy?

Thirdly, why in the world would a First Lady use THAT anecdote - to illustrate that the celebration of mediocrity in the Bush family runs through generations????

Welcome to America Folks. Where it's more important to ensure that gays can't marry, where bad things
should only happen to people of a darker color, where mispronouncing a very very AMERICAN word is a source of laughter or used as an illustration that the elite is after all, one of us.

Go on, Bush Family, Continue to show us exactly how mediocre you really are.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Write It Down Damnit!

So, everyday, I get one to three phone calls all asking for the same thing "Can I speak to Tim." And everyday, I say, "His extension is 207," and I wait. 7 times out of 10, I can hear that the person on the other end of the line DID NOT WRITE THE EXTENSION DOWN. So, then, I contemplate transferring that person to another extension just because.

Umm you friggin lazy men? See that long elongated skinny thing on your desk? It's called a writing instrument. See the end with the point? Yes, isn't it amazing what technology can do? That instrument will allow you to record WHAT TIM'S EXTENSION IS!!!!!

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

It wasn't about the values

Fools, all of us, fools.

As Election Day drew closer, I couldn't shake a feeling that I wasn't watching politics, but rather, sports. Now, as people puzzle over polls that show Bush getting lower approval ratings and over people not getting too hung up over Bush's comments that gay marriage is defended quite nicely by the Defense of Marriage Act and that he won't be seeking a constitutional amendment after all, I realize that I was right, it was a huge sports event.

See, people who came out in droves to vote for Bush? A lot of them do care, but I bet you, a significant portion of them came out just cause they saw the "librul media" pickin' on a good ol' boy and damn it, that just wasn't fair so they came out to make sure that their boy wins.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Are you calling me a liar?

I used to collect bills for a shipping company. I had one person repeatedly tell me that the check was in the mail and gee, four weeks later, I was beginning to doubt her. I voiced my opinion, and this lady got all huffy asking me, "Are you calling me a liar?" I responded, "If the shoe fits."

I got into a shitload of trouble for this. And to this day, I can't understand why.

This is from a transcript of today's exchange between Sen. Barbara Boxer and Dr. Condaleeza Rice.

SEN. BOXER: Well, you should read what we voted on when we voted to support the war, which I did not, but most of my colleagues did. It was WMD, period. That was the reason and the causation for that, you know, particular vote.

But, again, I just feel you quote President Bush when it suits you but you contradicted him when he said, "Yes, Saddam could have a nuclear weapon in less than a year." You go on television nine months later and said, "Nobody ever said it was" --

MS. RICE: Senator, that was just a question of pointing out to people that there was an uncertainty. No one was saying that he would have to have a weapon within a year for it to be worth it to go to war.

SEN. BOXER: Well, if you can't admit to this mistake, I hope that you'll --

MS. RICE: Senator, we can have this discussion in any way that you would like. But I really hope that you will refrain from impugning my integrity. Thank you very much.

SEN. BOXER: I'm not. I'm just quoting what you said. You contradicted the president and you contradicted yourself.

MS. RICE: Senator, I'm happy to continue the discussion, but I really hope that you will not imply that I take the truth lightly.
Actually, Ms. Rice? YOUR WORDS implied that you take the truth lightly. Actually, no, they don't imply it, they INDICATE it.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Family Visits....

bother me like you wouldn't believe.

For the whole week before I visit my family, I am a nervous wreck, dealing with the runs, an upset tummy, usually two or three headaches and general irritability. Why, you ask?

I'm kind of trying to figure it out myself. I have fun with the two little ones, and sometimes, I have fun with my sister and my mother. But that's sometimes and more often it's rare that I have fun. My sister and my mother both have this way of talking (which I inherited too but I'm desperately trying to change) that totally is demeaning to the other person. I spend most of my time there being out of body.

I think part of my problem is, I become a totally different person when I'm around them, and that's just hard work. I am more considerate, more conscious of other beings, more polite, more Chinese. You know what the bummer is? It still isn't enough. Though I am more, I am less. I can never measure up because they do want mind-readers and I just am unable to do that.

So instead, the week before I show up, I gear myself to feel bad, bad about who I am, who I turned out to be, who they want me to be but am not. Now how the hell can you look forward to that?

I know what you're asking. You're asking why I don't show up as me. You see, I can take criticisms of someone who isn't me. If I show up as someone who I am pretending to be, then all their criticisms just isn't true. But if I show up as me, and I still come up short, well, I'm not sure I can take that.

But it's getting harder and harder as I get older to dress up as someone else. When I go home, and be with my honey, and we giggle and laugh and enjoy each other, I end up not wanting to give that up, not even for a weekend.

I have no wish to dishonor them, nor to ignore them. But I see no way that they could ever take me for who I am (no matter what my sister says) so why, why would I invite that attitude into my life? If I let them in, all I get for my troubles are criticisms. Unfortunately, they have no realization that this is how I see them. My sister and mother have been voices of authority; of admonishments; of should'ves, would'ves, could'ves; of anger and of occasional mirth; but neither of them have EVER been voices of support, acceptance or respect - the three things I yearn for.

My tummy hurts.

Filed under Bloodsport, err Relatives.

Monday, January 17, 2005

What it says about us.

This is how I see social security: It's a way for us to say, "hey, I understand life gets hard as you get older, so here's our thanks for making America the way it is today. In your way, you contributed and here's our way of making life just a tad easier."

Yes, it's a fact that the lower income earners get more for their contribution into social security than higher income earners. But don't you get it, the higher income earners got their rewards right then and there. They're the ones who don't really need social security later on, because they have more disposable income and therefore is more likely to save in ways other than social security.

Take a good hard look in the mirror folks. This is what I see reflected back - a selfish, self-centered arrogant United States who rewards the rich and tromps (hypocritically and underhandedly) on its poor. Take away Social Security and this reflection solidifies even further.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Recycling Puzzlements

Okay. I have a very important question I need answered.

Can I throw snot-filled tissue paper into the recycling bin? Actually, the real question is (since the obvious answer to the previous question is "Of course you can, but should you?") Will snot-filled tissues be recycled?

Filed under Ms. Cell Annie and Reveries & Paranoias.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

It's the little things...

My father died in March, 2003.

I rarely miss him, cause I hardly knew the man. In my 40 years, I spent maybe at most, 5 years total with the man. I lived with him 12 of those years, but he went to work 6 days a week and went out to "business dinners" almost every night. I use quotation marks cause I've no idea whether it really was business-related or as my mother now claims, he was out carousing with women at nightclubs.

Yet, it's the little things... Admittedly, I think more about my lost loved ones during that time of the month. Yes, I'm pms'ing like crazy - of course I am. I'm going to go see Mark this weekend and his mother. What would a weekend with Mark be like without one of us pms'ing.

Anyway, I just used a pen I picked up off the the storage shelf. And it jolted me.

The ink was a dark blue black. It's a rare color for pens, but Parker used to manufacture it for their fountain pens. They still probably do. My father and I both love that color. When I saw the color of the ink, I nearly dropped the pen. Before my eyes, my signature morphed into that of my father's, with its crisp angles, the exactitude of the slash, the indecipherability.

I loved to watch my father sign things. He always had such an air of authority whenever he signed checks, documents.

In some ways, I fashioned my signature after him. I loved how abrupt he was with his signature. How, to me, it looked like a stamp, it was so precise. I feel like a fraud at times when I sign my documents. My signature shifts every day no matter how hard I try and make it as precise as my father's. But, I realize to others, my signature looks stamped. And abrupt. And crisp. So dad, in some ways, your youngest daughter does honor you.

Filed under Bloodsport, err Relatives.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Dissed, No Matter Which Way We Turn

So, I'm reading Americablog and come across this entry about a Bush medal winner who calls AIDS a deathstyle. I'm not going to explain it, just read it and come back.

Then it hits me. Neither John Aravosis, a gay man, nor the bigot he writes about, think of lesbians as gays. The headline of this entry reads 'Bush award winner calls homosexuality a "deathstyle"'. So I read it expecting it to somehow apply to me, a homosexual female.

So now, I'm stuck with, do I get pissed off that there's people out there against homosexuals? OR DO I GET PISSED AT MY OWN FRIGGIN' COMMUNITY FOR FORGETTING I EXISTED????

I guess the caps tells me who I'm pissed at. This so reminds me of the 80's. Gay men everywhere thankful that lesbians were around to comfort them for to us, HOMOSEXUAL = BOTH SEXES. Homosexuals, to gay men, ONLY mean men. That just pisses me off.

I remember my best friend Mark, running up to me all proud that he contributed to breast cancer. Umm, I contribute to AIDS causes year in and year out. Do you see me running to him?

Homosexual men? I love you all, since I'm a fag hag in drag. HOWEVER, you make it really really really hard to like you sometimes. Goddamn it. You're marginalized. Why in the world would you want to marginalize another group and one that shares so much with you? Think about it the next time you write about AIDS. Think about it the next time you write about prejudice. Lesbians aren't ONLY Ellen, Martina, Mary Cheney, Melissa, Jodie, or Rosie. Really, there really are more than just a handful of us around.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias Scary Gay Stuff.

Sequential Art

On Monday, Will Eisner died.

When I used to be an agent for Star*Reach Productions, Mike Friedrich had me send out a copy of Will's Comics & Sequential Art to all our new clients. Mike felt that with Will's understanding of how comics work, our clients would have the solid foundation they needed as comic book artists.

I've met Will a few times, each time I regressed into total fan-girl. How could you not, in the company of such magnitude? Writerboy, fortunately, has a better handle on being a fan. He was once a judge for the Eisners and I don't think he slobbered once during the entire award ceremony. (I now regret I didn't bother going to a single award ceremony. Sure, my clients were sometimes nominated and in fact, the letterer for Nobody was nominated but when you're running a booth and have to take care of usually 20-30 clients who attend San Diego, you look forward to dancing AFTER the Eisners and not the ceremony itself.)

Mr. Eisner, know that when I was writing my portions of Nobody, I had you in mind (as well as Scott McCloud). I was ever conscious of the reader and the reason for that was entirely because of your Comics and Sequential Art. Also, know that whenever I did a review of artwork, I also invoked you for I totally bought into your vision of the artist/writer being the director of your own movie.

Now a little about Mr. Eisner's lessons:

The lazy Z: A comic book page is set up visually like a lazy z. The panel on the top left of the page should lead your eye to the next panel, then that one leads (points) your eyes down to the bottom left corner. The bottom right corner should lead your eye up to the next page or into turning the page. Lines of background can help lead the eye. Shapes can help lead the eye.

Utilizing the lazy Z = good UNDERSTANDABLE & USER-FRIENDLY storytelling.

Mr. Eisner knew the importance of directing your reader to where he wanted them to be. He'd use crazy camera angles, crazy fonts, anything to help aid in story-telling. It is because of Comics & Sequential Art that I realized lettering was in and of itself an artform. Looking at the various fonts he utilizes, you can see how the lettering itself was used to denote emotion, pacing, timing, etc.

Rest in peace, Mr. Eisner. And thanks for your lessons.

This reminds me, one day, I've got to write down all my thanks to various teachers over the years. What'll be strange about the list is how many of them worked for DC Comics at the time.

Filed under Facets & Galleries of Art.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

More "I love it"s.....

I love it when...
  • They package hot dog buns in 8 but hot dogs in 10;
  • All the ultra-religious websites are still up in arms about activist judges, gay people and weddings, abortion and yet, the LARGEST opportunity to show charity appears and no links are available through these sites for charitable donations;
all better now. You?

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.