Thursday, September 30, 2004

First Impressions of the Presidential Debate

I just wanted to talk about the pacing of the debate between Bush and Kerry.

There was something very interesting about the timing. Bush would stumble, stammer a tad, slow down his words until the light turned green. Then he drove his message home, repeatedly, forcefully. Kerry, on the other hand, (I had expected him to be rambling and talking rapidly) made several points deliberately, occasionally stumbling, but hit several points during his two minutes.

Result? Kerry managed to seem intelligent, able to see various points albeit a bit too global conscious and not national conscious. Bush kept on message, making sure that the last 30 seconds were driven home forcefully and with repetition. Different marketing styles. It's going to be curious to see which one will entice the swing voters.

What made me laugh out loud: The first analyst on CNN was so scared to make a commitment as to what his opinion.

What impressed me: The second analyst on CNN made what I thought was an accurate prediction. John Kerry piqued interest enough that viewership will go up for 2nd debate.

That's it for now. I'm going back to enjoying this side show.

OH! Before I forget, John Kerry could've done one thing better. When Bush said that Kerry *said* Saddam Hussein was a great threat, Kerry should've countered with "Yes, a great threat, but NOT an immediate threat." THAT could've been a sound bite.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Wednesday, September 29, 2004


  • Raiders are going to get into the playoffs by wild-card and lose in the 2nd week.
  • Bush and Kerry are going to be in such close races, that the courts will figure out which one took Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania and a couple of other states. During this time, Kerry will play the gentleman and let Bush stay in the White House until the courts decide. Another year passes, during which Korea, Iran, Pakistan, and other nations seeing the U.S. taxed to its limits by wars on two fronts (Afghanistan and Iraq) will spur their nuclear programs. Korea will be first, with a missile that will reach Hawaii. Launching one, America retaliates. The trade winds blow the nuclear cloud over China. China will then go to war with America and Taiwan, Hong Kong and Macao will be laid to waste. And Bush will still be in the White House cause the courts finally decided, ceding Florida and Ohio to Bush and Pennsylvania to Kerry. And Bush will still be saying that he's winning the war on Terrorism.
  • In the next 50 years, it will be China/India that will be the superpowers. America will still be the trend-setter but only that.
  • Writerboy will do an "I told you so" at least 5 times to me in the next year.
  • The erosion of ethics will continue at a breakneck speed, due to shenanigans in politics, reality shows that swap spouses, houses and louses (It's lice, i know, but for the sheer poeticness of the sentence, allow me okay?), ad campaigns and various forms of entertainment.
  • Gay people will buy one of the islands off Hawaii and turn the entire place into Gayland, of course, with 80% of the bars and housing and entertainment geared towards the boys.
  • And Nobody will get optioned a third time, finally making it onto the small screen.

Filed under Facets & Galleries of Art; Reveries & Paranoias and Sports Talk.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Ad Lessons #1 - Loyalty sucks. Switch

When I first started a blog, Writerboy asked me what I was going to write about... and I mentioned I wanted to start an on-going feature about advertising. I'm hoping he'll contribute to this.

See, what I find interesting about ads, is the unconscious lessons they're teaching us. For instance, when telephones were deregulated in this country and we were inundated with ads to switch. "SWITCH AND WE'LL REWARD YOU!" screamed the ads. In fact, they still scream this. I remember turning to Writerboy at some point and saying, "so much for loyalty, eh?"

The underlying lesson to consumers is, there is NO reward for being loyal. The only reward is in looking out for #1, yourself. In fact, we'll pay you to switch your loyalties. Only by being a turncoat will you gain rewards.

How has this panned out in the public? It's still up for debate, from what I can see. Politics so far, is forbidden to offer rewards for enticing the other side. So, how are politicians getting people to switch teams? Scare tactics.

In fact, I can't think of a single instance anymore, where loyalty IS rewarded. People just don't think long-term anymore. Things not working out with the spouse? Switch! (look at divorce rates, WifeSwap) 401k's are movable, everything is geared toward portability now. Hmm, so is Loyalty just an old-fashioned idea then? What is being loyal good for?

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Why watch it?

My co-worker asked me the other day if I saw the beheading. I shook my head no. He then proceeded to describe to me how the head was sawed off slowly and deliberately. Obviously, he saw it.

Then, he said sheepishly and with some guilt, "My brother-in-law sent it to me."

Has the world always been like this? Has it always known what the wrong thing to do was, and done it anyway? I keep thinking back to the Holocaust: how could such a thing occur with the implicit consent of the entire German nation? And then I look at today, and see each one of us implicitly condoning the beheadings.

What, you ask? How can I accuse each one of us of implicitly condoning the beheadings? Easy. By sheer numbers, we are giving approval. With each website hit, we are saying, Yes, show us more. After all, ratings is what rules the world, isn't it? Aren't elections just a form of ratings? Doesn't Amazon, C/Net and it's user reviews, and other various sites teach us that? From Neilsen down to elections, the world runs on approval. If it gets the web-hits, if it gets the eyes, if it gets the attention, it must be approval we're seeing.

I refuse to cave in to this. But then, I refused to cave-in to talking on cell-phone caller/drivers. I used to hang up on my friends who called while they were driving or made them pull over to talk with me. No more. Too many of my friends ONLY used their phones and ONLY when they were driving.

However, in this I will stand firm. And if you truly believed in democracy, you will join me. For I am choosing here to voice my opinion and my opinion is, the terrorists will not be rewarded in any way by me. I choose to take a higher road and with that, salvage my dignity.

(yes, I am still a resigned idealist. I know I will be joined by the few idealists out there, as well as the scores of apathetic people out there.)

Filed under Politics & B.S. and Reveries & Paranoias.

Signs of the Times

Just a few signs of the times to show y'all:

  • A San Francisco Giants fan was stabbed through the heart for brushing his body against a car. His attackers are still on the loose. (Thousands showed up to see Barry Bonds hit a home run; none saw the stabbing).
  • A man is fired from the Oakland Airport Security for trying to organize a union for screeners. (See East Bay Express for more details.)
  • A man, refusing to stop smoking in a smoke-free environment, resists arrest, gets tazered and then shot in the chest by a police officer. Yes, he's dead.

These are just a few incidents in the past weeks here in the Bay Area.

The last incident cited above, kind of reminds me of the caning incident from Singapore. As someone who lived in S'pore for 8 years, I get asked if I agree with whether the kid deserved caning. I can't help but wonder if Bosnians (the smoker was a Bosnian) are going to make an international ruckus (much like we Americans did during that whole Singaporean fiasco) about how Americans treat law-breakers. Alright, granted, this wasn't ordered by a court of law, but still, a police office did the violence. Oh, we see the splinter in others' eyes but.....

On the other hand, there are examples of humanity that far outshine others. Did you know that the NFL doesn't allow backpacks to games. Any other forms of carrying goods is okay. Just no backpacks. (Yes, if I sound like I think this is an insipid rule, it's cause I DO think that!). Upon this discovery within a shifting, momentum driven throng of masses, I fought my way upriver (I thought about trying to flop my way through the crowd surfing the waves of hair and skulls but realized my girl would never speak to me again) and asked a total stranger to keep the backpack in their car until the game is over. The total stranger, a fireman in Stockton, CA, smilingly obliged. And all I could think of were the many excuses my family (in short, my mother) would find NOT to be so obliging. Sometimes Americans are simply amazing. Other times, not so much.

Filed under Politics & B.S. and Reveries & Paranoias

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Answers? Please?

An article in the Washington Post called "Matching Iraq Policy to Reality" has some questions the Iraqi people would like answered.

If controlling Iraq's oil was not our purpose, they ask, why was the oil
ministry the only building (not excluding Baghdad's nuclear complex) that U.S.
soldiers had orders to guard against looting? If the United States did not
intend to dismember the Iraqi state, why did it dissolve the Iraqi army? If the
United States does not mean to stay, why is it building 14 "enduring" military
bases? If it did not mean to control Iraq's politics, why would it appoint a
prime minister who spent two decades on the CIA payroll? If it is not pursuing a
classic policy of imperial divide-and-rule by exacerbating sectarian
differences, why does it continue to insist on minutely balancing Shiites,
Sunnis, Kurds, Turkmen, Christians and others on every appointed council?

Reading over these questions, I'm thinking hmm, y'know, I'd like answers to these questions as well. All these basically (circumstancially speaking of course) point to a policy of invasion, self-interest, and the setting up of a dummy-government.

However, I must say that there's a part of me that doesn't want plausible answers. Why? Cause I'm an active part of a denial game with my mother, and this is what I fear it would turn out to be with these answers.

Okay, I can see some of you scratching your heads right now. Bear with me. I'm gay. My mother knows. My mother doesn't want to acknowledge it. So she asks. And so I lie. All to keep up this illusion for her that she knows isn't true. Trust me, she's the one who wants this and I went to 10 years of therapy to be okay with being an active participant in this whole farce.

Let's just say the invasion of Iraq (let's just call an ass an ass, okay? It's not the non-breedable cross participants of the equine family)... is me. And the people wanting answers... is my mother. Right now, it's pretty obvious Bush and his handlers are reacting to what the climate is, with their responses. ("Why are we invading?" "WMDs, oh none found anywhere? Oh, then it's cause there's terrorists there. What? The terrorists came to Iraq AFTER our mission was accomplished? Oh... it's to promote democracy there. Oil? We don't see any oil there.)

Basically, implausible answers. I guess what it boils down to is, any answers The Bush administration can give cannot be plausible anymore, and therefore, if it's believable that is, if WE believe it, it's cause we're swallowing a fantasy, with eyes wide shut like my mother. And I'd rather be swallowing jhism..... NOT!

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

A Football Metaphor

Let's say you're a coach. And let's just say you can only listen to the game on the radio.

You have the star quarterback, who's good in pregame shows, who can pump up the fans. He's got a few tricks up his sleeve, like throwing a long bomb down the line. But he's good when the defense and the offensive line is good. When the O-line breaks down, he gets sacked, he gets mud in his face, he throws interceptions. But this is pretty much all he knows. He can't seem to read blitzes. He can't seem to give the ball to a running back.

In the background, you have a journeyman quarterback. One who can change plays at the line, one who isn't very consistent, but he reacts to the defense. He can pass, he can give the ball away. He can even scramble at times. Most importantly, he can look to the side.

The game was going great at the beginning. The star quarterback was throwing long bombs, decimating the defense. The other team was rocked. But they regrouped, brought in players from other teams and started all types on innovative plays. Slowly, injuries mounted for the team. Undaunted, the star quarterback kept throwing long bombs... to interceptions. However, the broadcast to you downplayed the interception. But you could see the injury list getting longer... and the score is now mumbled instead of shouted out.

Question is, do you keep the star? or use the backup quarterback?

This metaphor doesn't quite work, but it's there. For those who complain about Kerry's flip-flopping, why aren't we using a football analogy? A quarterback who CANNOT change plays at the line of scrimmage will not last in the major leagues. One has to be responsive though not reactive. Kerry is being seen as reactive. His handlers need to spin that perception around to "responsive" instead.

By the way, we all are the coaches. We're the ones who get to decide who will be our quarterback. Me, I'd rather have a responsive president who's on his toes, then one who refuses to acknowledge the game shifts and sticks to his game plan no matter the opposition.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Tuesday, September 21, 2004



I'm new to this. The world of Blogs is a foreign one to me.

But I did want to thank Shair for inviting me to share this space (kind of like inviting someone to sleep on your couch, only she doesn't have to deal with my dirty underwear on the bathroom floor).

And, while I may be new to the world of Blogs, I am not new to co-writing with Sharon. A few years back we co wrote a comic book which is (remarkably enough) still in print. (it's called Nobody and may or may not still be available on Amazon).

I am also not new to the process of randomly spouting my opinions (whether or not they're wanted)... now I just have to remember to log on here when I have the urge to ramble (as opposed to, say, phoning shair).

Nothing else from me right now, except for this: If all the world's a stage, then Shair is the one in the front row heckling the performer.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

What? No Royal We?

Made the mistake of listening to Bush's speech to the U.N. on the way to work.

Well, one thing's for sure, my adrenaline was sure going by the time I opened the office doors. First off, Bush kept referring to the United States as "My nation...." When I complained to Writerboy, he threw back the comment "This land is YOUR land, this land is MY land...." All nice and true, but still, when the leader of the country IN A DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY refers to the country as HIS nation, umm, doesn't that smack of dictatorship, or sovereignty? Oh wait, we can't refer to sovereignty... George Bush has no idea what that means.

Another thing that got me going was the outright lies he was making to the U.N. The fact that he can say with a straight face that our administration respects human lives, wouldn't torture. Umm, excuse me, Mr. President, but didn't Rummy Dearest write a memo saying that the Geneva Convention rules don't apply to people we're holding in Guantanomo Bay?

Last but not least, [taps George W. Bush on the shoulder] it's time for a geography and civics lesson for you. No, most people OUTSIDE of the United States don't wonder if a democracy can exist in a muslim society. That is because there are a number of examples all over the world. Look at Malaysia... 64% Muslim, Constitutional Monarchy.... oh wait. Georgie? Before you question what's democratic about constitutional monarchies... look over at our staunch allies, Great Britain. They're what is called a constitutional monarchy.

Oh... and that darkness all around you? It just might lift if you cared enough to stick your head out of your arse.

Filed under Politics & B.S..

Monday, September 20, 2004

Modern Heroism

This past weekend, I had a chance to witness heroism of such magnitude, it simply took my breath away.

Not only was the heroism just awe-inspiring, it was done with a shrug, an attitude of "aw shucks, ain't nothin' to it" that just lent the act an air of non-chalance. I was blown away.

What happened:

Writerboy and his wife went with us to go see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (for delicious eye candy, go see this. Just don't expect too much from the story or characters. Expect fun, spectacular visuals and expect the fun to go up exponentially when Ms. Jolie graces us, and the fun to plummet after her presence is gone.) (Another aside... I am soooo mad at Writerboy for NOT telling me his inside joke prior to the movie. It would've added *SO* much to enjoying the movie.)

His wife went in to get us seats and after we got our snacks, my girl and I watched incredulously as Writerboy veered off. My mouth fell open more and more as I witnessed my friend sprinkle salt over his popcorn (a fairly normal act), then spread open a paper napkin (not usually an action following the salting), and sprinkling salt on the napkin (In my eyes, a most unusual act).

My lover and I looked at each other, looked back at him, then looked at each other, howling with laughter.

The mocking ensued.

"So, you planning on eating that? I heard napkins in the year 2004 were a good crop."
"Umm.... is that a new tradition of movie-going?"
"Oh, you missed some"

"Don't forget to throw some over your left shoulder."

Finally, we remembered to ask "why are you doing that?" With a shrug, Writerboy explained as patiently as he could to dunces, "The salt doesn't reach the popcorn on the bottom. It's for later."

Faced with this daunting logic, I shot back weakly "You must've been a boy scout at one point." yet thinking in my mind, now why the hell is *that* an insult?

We enjoyed the previews, and just as the movie started, I leaned forward to tell Writerboy something (my girl was between us) and witnessed his wife asking for the napkin.

Lightning struck. With sudden and fierce illumination, I realized Writerboy prepared the napkin for his wife, for love. And I was blown away by the heroism.

Kudos, Writerboy.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Bwahahahaha.

Friday, September 17, 2004

And those twins!

So, has anyone been watching NFL football since the new season began?

I've watched two games so far, and have yet to catch sight of those twins... if you're a football fan, you know the twins I'm talking about. The Coors twins!

Not to be a cynic or anything, but could the absence of said twins on the airwaves, be a direct cause of Pete Coors being unable to explain why, as a Republican running for the Senate, he uses *gasp* sex to sell beer?

Personally, I think there should be a serious backlash against this by White, Male America. Sheesh, those dang Republicans... they're taking away my sight for sore eyes.. my eye candy... my TWINS!!!! Vote them out of office!

*sighs happily in the midst of her daydream*

Filed under Sports Talk and Politics & B.S.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

No Need to Shout...

.... as evidenced by this article. Words to reflect on.

Another Washington Post commentary (by Richard Cohen) declares that he is neither blue nor red, but a fine shade of purple. (Being a child of the late 70's early 80's, purple ALWAYS makes me think of Michael Jackson's glove and Prince). He says the vitriol of Anti-Bush people turns him red, though Bush's policies turn him blue.

He tells of how a European Jew speaks likens these times to pre WWII times and how that's just way over the top for him and it's alarmist speak.

hmm .... what might bring some of us Bush haters to that brink... that we might liken these times to pre-WW II times? Let's see, we went, against world opinion, into a country that wasn't directly menacing us, all in the ideology of pre-emptiveness. We engaged in detaining people without official word to anyone in charge. We engaged in torturing prisoners. The Administration lies to us on a daily basis - today's example is Bush saying he's pushed through legislature that will increase benefits for the National Guard. Whoops, another lie. All those secrets at the top like Bush/Cheney refusing to go on record about 9/11.

No, I don't think our Mushbrain-in-Chief wants to wipe out an entire race. No, I don't think he wants to engineer a super-race. No, I don't think he's crazy or psychotic.

What I do think, is that he's a snakeskin oilman, used as the p.r./hitman for corporations to extend into previously unfriendly countries. He does NOT care about the common folk, the poor, the middle class. What he cares about is his image, that he will go down in History as better than his father or his brother, that he is seen as the average Joe turned President who will take no flack from anyone (Remember that Robert Conrad commercial with him putting that battery on his shoulder and daring the audience to knock it off? That's basically what Bush does.). And this last image, is why he's winning white males.

Those of us, who'd rather be associated with the Huck Finns, the Peter Parkers.... oh shit.. that's it. John Kerry needs to be Peter Parker. That's the image he should be selling... versus the Ah-nold image that Bush is selling.

Anyway, I'm rambling too much now. I've invited writerboy to join in this mess of a blog. You'll enjoy the ensuing insults. Stay tuned for more!

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Punching Back

"We are punching back" says John Kerry.

Well, good for you, Senator. However, can I just point out something to you? See, though you have sharp metal objects imbedded in your body, though you have actually had bullets zing through the air at you, you're perceived by the American public ... the masses as a wimp. (Yes, it rubs me the wrong way too, that this meathead in the White House who is proud that he's an average student, who shirked a tour of duty, not for any ideals, but because it got in the way of his partying is being portrayed as "tough".)

Why? Believe it or not, it's cause he's got a scowl. (Note: Jon Gruden is known for being a tough guy too... not cause he can yell into football players' faces, but cause he's got that great Chucky scowl.) And you don't, Senator Kerry. And then you go around saying things like "We're punching back."

Forget the gentleman's way... Punching back in America isn't seen as honorable (cause you held back). It's seen as being too afraid to stand up for yourself until it's too late. And that's what America is scared of. That you will hold back until it's too late. Until another twin towers lie in rubble.

See, what America thinks it sees, in our not-so-beloved meathead in the White House, is someone who won't wait until it's too late.

By the way, punch back. And punch back a little under the belt. But just don't say or tell us you're punching back. You're assuming that one, we can't tell (and what does that say about us - that we're blind? or what does that say about you - that you punch so lightly that we can't tell?) and two, that we need to be told. No. (Ask any creative writing teacher - showing is *MUCH* more powerful than telling. Hell, ask Karl Rove.... why do you think all those pictures are on covers of Time and Newsweek showing a scowling pea-brain?).

Oh, and smile when you punch back. It's good imagery.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Govenator or Governator?

In a large window display at the Oakland airport, one is treated to scores of mannekins all dressed in black, displaying our fair governor's visage as well as featuring in large font 'The Govenator'.

In a recent editorial in the Los Angeles times, hizzoner is termed 'The Governator'.

So, which is it folks? With or without the "R"? One can argue that Govenator isn't a word, but then, neither is Governator. Govenator is what Ah-nold says. Govern-ator is presumably based on proper english, but then we don't speak that here in America, do we?

Anyway, confusion abounds here in California. Can someone clear it up please?

(As an aside, the only reason why I noticed the t-shirt, was cause I was curious whether the Oakland Airport was carrying true licensed goods, and to see if there was a Carolco trademark on there. Another digression here: So, if the Govenator IS licensed from Carolco, who licensed it? Who are getting the proceeds from the t-shirts, mugs, bumper sticker sales? Did Ah-nold license it? And if he did, did he set up a trust fund for the proceeds so that it'll go to charity?) Oh, and all the t-shirts were folded in a way that I couldn't see the credits, and the store was closed at the time. I'll have to satisfy my curiousity another way.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Slower traffic use right lane

Now, how hard is that to understand?

Apparently, tremendously hard. I drove from L.A. to S.F. this past weekend, and being a fast driver, I'm very conscious of positioning, especially on a two-lane highway. I am a strict believer in using the left lane to pass when it's a two-lane. I passed all the trucks using the left lane; however, I passed 95% of cars on the right.

What this does is create jams, folks. It creates accidents. It's that simple. Using the left lane to pass creates order... staying in the left lane cause you're too damn lazy to change lanes creates chaos.

This leads me to another subject... cruise control. I HATE CRUISE CONTROL. Why? Cause the whole idea of passing another vehicle... IS TO PASS THEM!!!! Ever get stuck behind a truck trying to pass another? Cruise control users illicit the same frustrations EXCEPT they have no reason!!! For some insane inane reason, they cannot shift their right foot onto the accelerator and press down ever so slightly to increase the speed. No, they have to inch past the other vehicle... leaving behind them a train of vehicles.

Okay, end of diatribe. Have a great day!

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Friday, September 10, 2004

A Scary Thought

just hit me..... and because of this, I'm no longer sure I want marijuana to be legalized anymore.

Why? The thought of Vanilla/Cranapple-flavored pot is just... well, creepy. And you KNOW that'll be the first thing that'll happen. Some corporation like Proctor & Gamble, or Starbucks will start their own division of flavored weed. *shudder*

Filed under Bwahahahaha and Reveries & Paranoias.

If you see the CIA heading your way....


The CIA, according to a General speaking in front of a Congressional hearing, estimates that there may be around 100 people being detained by the CIA without anyone knowing about it! Another general thinks there may be 2-3 dozen instead of 100 but gee, he can't really say cause he has no idea cause NO ONE KNOWS!

These detainees are called Ghost Detainees. Forget human rights, forget family. This is a war against terrorism we're having. Of course that gives US the right to terrorize suspects. How else can we expect to get answers damnit. (Especially the answers WE want!).

If someone you know disappears, don't worry. Scott Peterson didn't kill him/her. It's probably the CIA looking out for our interests.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Amazing Face

Days like yesterday, I wonder what it's all for.

Days like today, I don't wonder. I gasp in amazement.

Here's the setup: I had developed a habit of rubbing a weird thing in the mornings. This morning, my wonderful, amazing lover said something about it. So, being who she was, she had to bring it up again when we were IM'ing each other. And being who I am, responded.

Me: i'm smiling a tad... mostly cause of you
Lover: :P
Lover: nah it was the good luck rubbin'
Me: lol
Me: y'know, i managed to keep that hidden from *EVERYONE*
Me: or hmm... maybe they just never asked about it
Lover: maybe they weren't as attentive aas I am rofl*wink* *wink
Me: lol
Lover: no? :'(
Me: i think i hid it better and you just got me when my mind is inside my mouth
Lover: no no no I've been noticing you do that a lot
Lover: i just never said anything until the oppurtume time of this morning
Lover: no non o you are NOT taking my credit from me! :P
Me: sure sure
Me: then why did you say something today?
Lover: <-pleads the fifth Me: why?

Me: <----- nudges you
Lover: isn't that the point of pleading the fifth, so you don't have to say anything at all... Hey, did you hear the birds this morning? I did. They were rediculously loud and obnoxious, singing that same damn song! Maybe I should put a bucket over my head and a marshmellow in each ear.
Me: <----- trips your distraction up and nudges you back on the right path
Lover: <-sticks her tongue out at you.

This is followed by numerous cries of "Why?" from me
Lover: omg
Me: why????????????????????????????
Me: why did you notice TODAY????
Me: why did you speak up today?
Again, numerous "Why?????"s follow
Lover: you're just tormenting yourself
Me: why?

Lover: that's what people who constantly ask why do, they torment themselves... and you'd have to ask them why to find out why, because they're the only people that'd be able to answer, so you should just ask yourself, because you're doing it... I'm going to assume that why was directed at yourself.
Okay, this is the amazing part. We've been together for two years now and she will STILL answer my questions of "Why?" even when I'm just doing it to bug her.

Me: so hey honey?
Lover: errr
Me: honey?
Lover: yes?

Me: why did you bring it up today?
Lover: excuse me?
Me: why did you do it?
Lover: cause you usually don't look that cute, and you looked cute this time and i was in a good mood
Me: I looked cute?
Me: and I usually don't?
Me: not sure which sentence bothers me more
Me: hmm
Me: (that was a hint to say "honey you look cute every day.. it's just today you looked ESPECIALLY cute")

Lover: OMG!!! you're driving me NUTZZZZ
Lover: you know it all was because I.. ME... [TYPES OUT FULL NAME HERE]... ME yes I was in a good mood this morning...

Me: what? it had nothing to do with me???? OMG!
Lover: leave me alone

Now you all see why I think she's amazing?

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias; Bloodsport, err Relatives and Bwahahahaha.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Unseen Pain

My heart hurts. I've no idea why but it does. I don't think it's a physical pain; it's more like the dull ache of someone who just broke up with someone... but my life, with the exception of my teeth, is going pretty good. So, why am I aching?

It's not just the ache. I'm doing really dumb things cause I'm hurting. Like turning off the AIM... like not eating... like wanting to bang my head against the wall. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for me feeling like this. My lover, perhaps not as attentive as I want her to be (but then whoever is?), is wonderfully silly with moments of pure brilliance and a perspective that just takes my breath away when I stop to ponder the enormity of her heart and the generosity of her action. My job is fantastic - they have the perfect attitude for someone like me: they don't care what or when I do stuff, just get it done and done well. My family... well, 'nuff said.

Hmm could it be that nefarious unit that threatens to smear my chest with ache? Probably, but doubtful. I ache when I think of me, or my S.O., not my mom or sis. Just hope this isn't a premonition. (I can just hear her now... 'You'd *like* it to be a premonition wouldn't you? Gives you something to worry about.')

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Advice for you

Never run out of $, have $7500 worth of dental bills, and have two teeth crack in your head at the same time. This combo leads to massive feelings of guilt, a loss of appetite when facing food even amidst thundering abdominal rumblings as well as feelings of dejection. Jus' warnin' ya.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Banana's are yellower on the other side of the ocean

I like this blog; I find that Asian Americans, though we look alike, have a very different mindset from us FOBs (Fresh off the boat, though 1976 can't really be considered fresh can it? - OH! On another aside, I was made a citizen the same day the Guvernator was.) The author of this site had this to say today:
I've often considered it a big difference between Asians and Asian Americans -- that Asians are more likely to grow up as members of a "normative" race/culture and to participate in the confidence and entitlement that that status confers.

I couldn't resist leaving a comment:
Strange to hear you say that - being an FOB who came over when I was 12, and being a 3rd generation Christian (Grandparents + missionaries = mixed up Asian), I've always felt that Asians were mostly taught that you can't buck the system, and you are only part of the whole and for you to act out, is to call attention to yourself in a bad way. That is, to be normal in an Asian society is to not rock the boat. However, this path doesn't lead to confidence or entitlement; it just leads to people not speaking out when they should.
Perhaps it's cause I went to H.S. & college in L.A. I mean, how much more confident or entitled can you be if tons of you are Prom Night royal couples, cheerleaders, etc.?
I remember one of my first trips to the U.S. and going to see my cousin play Basketball at his high school. Now that's confidence and entitlement! The B/W action photo of him executing a shot did more to fuel my ambitions than anything else. Thank the powers that be, it was only ONE influence of ambition and that my natural lazy self won out.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

As the Pols Spin

Remember Luke and Laura? Yeah, I got caught up in that phenom too... and you wanna know what the fascinating thing about it was, at least to me? That I could stop watching for a month or two, come back to General Hospital and very little will have changed.

Reading pundits, opinions, editorials, and endless reporting about this campaign is very much the same. On Friday, I said, "Goodbye world, hello microcosm!" as I settled in to embrace my new reality of numbed consciousness and concentrated pain (I had a root canal). There was no way I was going to let myself get upset by the world around. Instead, I settled into a world of Monk, fishing, Wars of the Roses, and my new reality, Suidoken.

Four stuporous days later, I stupidly expected something. I bring up window after window of Washington Post pages, CNN pages, Los Angeles Times pages, and what do I espy? Oooo look, Bush edged up 2 points. Oooo look, more editorials about Swift Boat.... Ooooo look, a new group to rehash old news.

Welcome to the world of American Politics, where soap operas actually have more action, more plot. We are mired in a fingerpointing, blame you blame them game that serves no one except to numb the voting public into apathy. Meanwhile, the voters get caught up in the assininity (I know, not a word, but damnit, it should be!) of it all and we root for our guy just like it was a football game.

Me, I'm starting to lean towards letting the guys who are getting fired upon, as well as people like firefighters (who are the ones who'll go inside bombed out buildings) to decide. After all, I'm not sticking my neck out for someone else, why should I get a say in who's in charge that WILL put these guys' lives on the line.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Sadness and Inevitibility

I don't get nightmares about losing my teeth anymore. Instead, when my brain needs to let off steam and tell my conscious that I'm feeling out of control, I get earthquake dreams now. I used to get dreams about biting into something and having a tooth break off, or having to face people with a bloody mouth. I'd wake with a shudder, the shakes, and a feeling of extreme sadness. The earthquake dreams have replaced those.

Why? Cause my teeth are rotting in real life. I feel so bad for my lover who has to witness and bear this. She, the young'un, didn't ask for this. Right now, all our wants and desires are put off cause of my teeth, cause I had an evil dentist as a youth (think Steve Martin), cause I drink Pepsi by the case, cause I don't brush or floss my teeth as often as I should, and cause I throw up every two or three mornings (my allergies cause my nose to run and my stomach can no longer tolerate snot.)

I woke up sobbing this morning, feeling out of control. I didn't like the assistant my dentist hired. For some insane reason, this perfect looking (as in doll/mannequin) asian american with the big eyes and small mouth, makes me want to smash her perfect teeth in when she speaks. I haven't seen myself jump to the defensive as quickly as I did with her. I still haven't figured out what set me off.

I'm mad that we didn't take care of this sooner, I'm mad that I have to deal with this today. I'm mad that I've had to yank 3 teeth out of my mouth, I'm mad that dentistal (I know this isn't a word) advances have been sufficient enough that I can just go in, yank them all out, and replace them. I'm mad that I haven't really eaten for a week now cause they hurt when I eat.

This isn't a lecture to tell you to floss or brush your teeth. Hell, I don't give a shit if you decide to drink acid just to have pretty pockmarks in your teeth. This is just me, saying... I don't wanna go! But dragging my ass there anyway.

Maybe Bush's speech will take my mind off this.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

I had a couple of entries thought up in my mind as I drifted to sleep, but the waves of unconsciousness must've washed them away. (see? I'm tired. What a stinkin' metaphor... I can smell it from here!)

[Looks over at the "How Lesbians aren't even *REMOTELY* hedonistic" stump, then glances at the "I hate Bush" stump and then rests her head against the "Chinese Families are Screwed Up" stump and realizes she doesn't have the energy for that one and runs towards the "Falls on Lover's Idiosyncrasies Cause It's Easy Writing" stump and hopes she won't get in trouble tonight for this. Halts in mid-step as she realizes it's *that* time of the month for GF. Frozen with fear, she edges back towards the "Where is Humanity going" stump.)

My friend, the leftist commie, loves humanity but thinks very poorly of humans. I'm the exact opposite. I despair about humanity, and yet I think humans, on an individual basis, can rise above themselves. I like individuals. It's when people congregate that I shudder. Cause what happens then? Ideas, concepts, actions get boiled down to an LCD, lowest common denominator and that's when we swallow ludicrous ideas, shallow concepts and inane actions as genius.

Individually, there is much to celebrate. When we opened our pocketbooks after 9/11 to help out in whatever way we could, we did it as individuals. We did it as people who'd been truly affected by the insanity.

As a group. we're pretty dumb. We bought it when the admin screamed there's WMD in Iraq. We bought it even though all agencies said there were no connections between Saddam & Al Quaeda. We're so anxious to have a hero in charge of the country, a macho tough talking Guy's guy that we will buy anything. Why? Cause that attack on the twin towers really did shake us up... shake up the belief that we are invincible. We as a nation so need that myth, that we were willing to sacrifice honor (as in torturing people for information), respect (as in repeating over and over despite all evidence to the contrary, there are WMD's in Iraq), and our blood (more to the point, the working class' children).

So my question to you is, are we going to survive? Humanity that is.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

There's a Reason....

some of us get paid for writing, and why I'm not. *sighs*

Mr. Garrison Keillor has, in one essay, summarized all my thoughts, all my fears, all my skepticism, my desires. Please read this essay. I salute you, Mr. Keillor. I've never read you before now, though I've heard you on occasion. I will rectify that omission soon.

Thank you for speaking for us.

Filed under Politics & B.S. and Reveries & Paranoias.

Flip Flopping Away

From today's
Twelve years after giving a Democratic convention keynote address as the governor of Georgia, [Zell] Miller returns to Madison Square Garden to deliver another prime-time speech at the Republican convention -- this time as a Democratic senator who has turned away from his party and in full support of the president.
I dunno, but if I were the other guys, I'd be pointing out that the RNC was embracing a flip-flopper.

OH! And I wanted to point out something else. Alan Keyes apparently thinks all gays and lesbians are "Selfish Hedonists." Mr. Keyes, I suspect, are thinking of those fake lesbians that most straight men fantasize about. He really needs to google "Lesbian Bed Death" and find out exactly how hedonistic we get. (Folks, it's a true phenom. This is the reason we lesbos snicker whenever you straight men start to get dreamy-eyed and drooly over lesbian sex. Well, aside from the fact that we're snickering over your delusion that somehow you'll get invited in on the action)

Filed under Scary Gay Stuff and Politics & B.S.

Abandon Ship!

So, as I was trying to sort out whether Suffolk was related to Henry VI, and whether Somerset was related to John of Gaunt, and how exactly the Lancastians and Yorks started their feud, my lover decided to indulge her passion for watery films.

She had Tivoed (I'm pretty sure this has now become a verb, right?) Abandon Ship!, an old B/W movie with awful acting but a very interesting premise. From what I overheard (trying to understand the genealogy of English aristocracy, it's impossible to block out everything in your surroundings), a ship was wrecked. Survivors had one lifeboat.

At one point, I overheard the captain of the boat basically saying he only wanted the strongest on the lifeboat so that they had a shot of actually taking the lifeboat to the coasts of Africa. Others in the boat objected, saying that it should be the women and children who stay in the boat, and the strongest take their chances in the waters. The captain threatened, ordered, whatever the others into doing his bidding, and they threw an unconscious woman out of the boat, a couple (but for some reason the captain wanted their son on board, saying he's the future), a sissy (as in weak) sailor, and I pretty much stopped listening at this point to focus on why Henry VI was a bad king but a pious and generous man.

During the argument the captain had with his men, I looked up at my lover and said, 'See that? That's it in a nutshell. The captain is a republican, and the democrats are the others. And see? The captain won't sully his own hands by throwing the unconscious woman out of the boat by himself. He has to order someone else to do it. Isn't that just like a republican?'

Of course, my lover responded with a toss of her hair and a "hrmph" and mumbled words that sounded suspiciously like "go back to your royalty."

But seriously, as I started to ponder this analogy, I can see some valid points. One basic difference between Republicans and Democrats are, the democrats think there's enough to go around and even if there isn't, some sacrifice on our part isn't that bad, cause that means everyone gets to be in the boat. The republicans seem to think that EVERYTHING is a sinking ship, that EVERYTHING is a matter of life and death, so ALL the stakes have to be in. Therefore, it's every man for himself and whoever can't pull their own weight gets left behind.

I understand this mentality. If this was the world of Mad Max, yes, then it makes sense for us to adopt this attitude. However, we live a life of comfort. Most of us. Most of us aren't on a sinking ship. We really don't have to push the unconscious, the weak, the poor overboard. We are a wealthy nation. It's time we started acting like one, instead of pandering to help the powerful just cause in the minds of some, only they can lead the nation.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.