Tuesday, November 30, 2004


I remember reading the Phantom Tollbooth and about mathemagicians. I thought what a great name for the sleight of mind tricks that they can pull.

Well, the more I read of what is going on in Washington the more I think the name Politician is a misnomer.

Rather, it should be Polimagicians. And Karl Rove the king. I mean, after all what but a polimagician can still convince a majority of the populace that Al Quaeda was in Iraq, that Cheney might not have fond feelings and actions towards Halliburton, a job that gave him title, money and prestige at a time when he had little of all three. What other than a polimagician can convince average people that $500 in your pocket from a tax return is worth more than after school programs?

Fear not people, for the Polimagicians have your ease of mind. What they do is show you very very scary pictures of towel-heads, of gays holding hands and *gasp* kissing, of kids smoking dope, of someone burning a flag. Did your hearts gallop with fear? Then they show you a picture of a polimagician and take away the scary pictures. Did your hearts slow down? Guess what? You have just experience the awesome spectacle of the Polimagician. And the grand thing about it? You never knew you were being misdirected.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Two Excellent Posts...

... that I read today that I find myself agreeing with.

The first one I'm not sure where I got the link from, but here it is: The Politics of Victimization I found it to be surprisingly accurate.

The other I'm just going to quote here cause it's actually a reader response to one of Atrios' posts on Eschaton but I found it very apt to describe how the left and right view money.

The left believes the economy exists to serve people and human needs - that we are human beings and citizens before we are consumers and taxpayers. When, in the logical course of economic operation, the economy becomes destructive of those needs, then the economy should and shall be regulated to better serve people.

The right, based on what they say, believes that people exist to serve the economy - that we are consumers and taxpayers before we are human beings and citizens. When, in the logical course of economic operation, the economy becomes destructive of those needs, then people should adjust or go under rather than distort the pursuit of profit.

The left views a modicum of economic inefficiency as a necessary price for human happiness. The right accepts a modicum of human misery as a necessary price for economic efficiency.
Only too true.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

It's What We're Doing, NOT What We Are!

I'm reading the Live Discussion with Michael Scheurer, former CIA senior analyst and formerly anonymous author of "Imperial Hubris: Why the West is Losing the War on Terror," and he states something that EVERY American needs to understand about Terrorism.
We are under attack by Islamic militants for what we do in the world -- not for who we are or what we believe in.
This is probably the thing that I'm most pissed about. Politicians won't admit this; hence millions of us believing that the reason why the terrorists are against us, is because we allow our women to wear skimpy clothes, because we listen to rock and roll music, because we are promiscous.

What we do to the middle east is say Here's the game, play by OUR rules or we'll make life difficult for you. Oh, and don't mind us when every time you get good at our game, we change the rules. (By the way, this is what our politicians do to the lower and middle classes too. Only, we get fed entertainment or stupid controversies - as in Janet's nipple, oh the horror - as well as enough difficult diversions that we don't seem to understand we're being plundered). Oh, and the reason they hate us average americans? Cause we're too involved in our senseless shit to stop the politicians. I mean, we friggin' voted back in the asshole who sold us this false image in the first place!

Hmm no wonder we all have a bullseye on us.

Filed under Politics & B.S.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


I hate weddings. I didn't like them as a teenager, I didn't like them as a 20-something, I LOATHED them as a 30-something and now, I'm a little more tolerant. One reason I'm writing about this is I watched "Bend It Like Beckham" yesterday (love that movie!). The wedding scene fascinated me, with it's emphasis on joy, something western and chinese weddings don't do. They're all formal and stiff (most of them anyway.) I kept thinking wow, if weddings were *that* joyous, I might actually enjoy them in the future.

However, ever since I was a teen, I saw weddings as invalidations. No, not to gay people, but to single people who enjoy singlehood; to people who don't have someone yet. # 1 question I hate at weddings: "And are you with anyone right now?"

I have been to ONE wedding with a partner. ONE. I used to get invited to about 5 a year between the ages of 16 and 35. Think of how many I attended as a single entity.

You know, if my other isn't who she is, I'd still be single right now. I ENJOY the single life. I ENJOY being alone. I ENJOY having weird sleep habits. I ENJOY not having to answer or respect anyone but my cats. I ENJOY slipping into hermitude.

Yet, I always felt Society's pity. I didn't need pitying. The ones trapped in unhappy marriages like my mother - those might need pitying. But I chose my life; AND I didn't like people assuming my choice was made for me.

Next time you feel sorry for that person sitting alone at a wedding? Don't. You're making attending a chore. You're making smiling a chore. Admire them instead for taking a stance against Society's straight-jacketed options. I might've attended more weddings if I had received that.

Oh, and as a side-note, all I care about is that my partner is taken care of after my death. That she can come to my bedside while I'm ailing, to yell at me for leaving her. That she will get my condo, which she's putting so much effort into. It's only fair. After all, she's the one who put up with me. As to whether the civil papers say "marriage" or "Partnership" or "Domestic Partnership" or "Ying-Yang ding dong" I don't really give a shit.

Filed under Scary Gay Stuff and Reveries & Paranoias.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Chinese, translated

I watch Chinese movies all the time, especially good ol' kung fu flicks. I've been buying old Shaw Bros movies off Ebay and loving them, especially the good ol Ti Lung and David Chiang team-ups. In watching these with my other, often I'd crack up and nothing in the subtitles would indicate anything funny. But I comprehend about 70% of spoken Cantonese, so it was either the subtitle that cracked me up or the phrase itself.

I just want to illustrate how hard it is to translate colloquilisms so occasionally, I'm going to put in Cantonese phonetics, have the literal translation and then the real meaning:

  • Sig bau fa'an, fu'un gau - literal: eat full tummy, sleep nap; real: Tummy's full, it's naptime!
  • Dah sei neigh - literal: hit dead you; real meaning: I'm gonna beat you silly (dead).
  • Ha'am sup - literal: salty wet; real meaning: horny, dirty.
  • Hoong - literal: red; real meaning: it's red-hot (on the rise).
Well, if I think of more, or you can suggest some, let me know. I'm going to pay attention to those old movies and see if I can't put up some humorous ones.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Urbanite v. Ruralist

A fascinating read, this article saying that "it's the cities, stupid." This says what I've pretty much thought for years. It's the cities that teach tolerance, that teach compassion, that lead the way to fairness. The author argues that we should stop pandering the the ruralists and sub-urbanites. The big cities pay for farm subsidies and stuff like that and they reward us with Bush. So, let's just stop and focus on us.

Writerboy tells me that he's not sure about this, this divisiveness that this article suggests. It's exactly what the Republicans did, and it's not doing the country any good.

However, I say this: If you house a dog, and the dog bites you, do you keep fixing the dog house roof that the dog itself destroys? No, you make sure the dog is either well-trained enough not to bite, or you stop fixing it. Go fix it yourself, you'll say to the dog.

Problem with us is, we ARE too kind-hearted. If we see the damn dog in a hurricane, we WILL help out. Which is why nice guys finish last.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.

Friday, November 12, 2004

It's Sad....

When you read in an article about Tony Blair's and George W. Bush's relationship, and the article says "Blair writes long letters to Bush -- it is unclear whether Bush writes long letters back..." and the first question that goes through your head is "Can Bush write?" and THEN realize you weren't joking when you were asking it. Now that's just sad.

Filed under Bwahahahaha and Politics & B.S.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Using logic to sell Christianity

I did this as an exercise on Nanowrimo.org the other day. Someone asked, is there a way to convince me that Christian IS the way to go, using logic? So, just as an exercise, I tried. Strange how no one responds to my posts there. I wonder if I'm just writing the posts badly, or what. The egotistical side of me says it's cause what I'm posting is beyond rebuff and the reality based side of me says 'HAH!'

Anyway, just thought I'd post it here since I spent my writing time creating that rather than work on the novel.

Re: The Morality of Christianity
I just had to jump in here. First off, I want to say that I'm an ultra-liberal asian lesbian. Okay that said, I want to take a stab at convincing Christianity is the way to go using logic. I've a feeling that Christians aren't going to like this version, but this is an exercise in thought that's too challenging for me to resist.

There are astronomical odds to our existence here. (Okay, I believe that there are actually two schools of thoughts on this - that planets with favorable conditions towards germination of life are either fairly common, we just haven't found another one yet; or it's really one in a billion crapshoot). Therefore, in accordance with the theory that the most obvious answer is probably the answer, there must be a reason we're here. Thus, there must be a God or gods.

Based on that theory (Remember, evolution is still a theory despite all evidence) Christianity is the perfect merger of polytheism with monotheism. Its variant forms allow for goddess worship, demon fighting and faith healing, among other things, allowing it the most access to all people.

It's not a great risk. Believe in Jesus and gain eternal life. In terms of investment, it's a small investment yielding great results.

But not only that, for only 10% of your income (approximately but that's the general consensus that I've found) you will get a whole community's worth of support, prayers, gatherings and instant membership.

Depending on which variant you belong to, you can basically do good/harm all you want and either claim it in the name of your religion or ask for forgiveness.

Depending on which variant you belong to, you can decide you have free will or there's original sin.

You can also choose a life without techonology (but if you're a technophobe I doubt you'd be reading this), or a life of abstinence.

Christianity offers something for everyone. With this connection, you have a powerful network depending on which variant you choose. And there's new members every day.

Anyway, I hope people aren't too offended by this post. I just saw this as an exercise in advertising a religion to people who choose to use logic as their deciding factor. Notice I'm talking about the religion as a whole and not any particular church.

Food for thought.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


If you've been reading my posts lately, you know that I've been addressing the issue of gay marriage recently.

In discussing this and reading other blogs and such about this issue, the topic of Christianity pops up ... oh almost always. So, I figure I'll address some concepts that are addressed in the Bible but apparently disconnected from the modern Christian.

Christ said that it is harder for a rich man to reach Heaven than it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. SO! Where do profits come into the picture? Or greed? What excuse are you going to give God when he asks you what you did with the profit you made from your stocks?

Scripture tells us about the Pharisees laying down the literal law and Christ pointed at his disciples and said they aren't breaking the spirit of the law so basically, nyahhh. SO! Why do we gays get quoted from THREE passages of the bible over and over and over again?

Christ pointed out the humble man praying and praised his efforts over the proud rich man who was beating his chest. SO! Why do you all listen to loud proud rich men?

I just re-read the Sermon on the Mount. If you read it for yourself, you will see that the path Christ set out is not just hard, it's harsh. We're to forgive EVERYONE, even ones who destroy two towers full of people. We can't even think nasty thoughts. AND, he goes on to talk about divorced people.

So let me get this right. Christ himself said
"Furthermore it has been said, "Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
Why the hell isn't divorce ILLEGAL??????

I remember seeing an episode of Ren and Stimpy. It was one that was supposedly censored out of the first season. In it, the Sarge buys Ren and Stimpy and then proceeds to train them. He points at the sofa and says "That's a nono." Then he tells them to get on sofa. Ren refused and gets swatted (for obeying him). Stimpy finally gets on the sofa, the Sarge yells at him "No" then when Stimpy jumps off, he gets a good dog. But Ren got beat cause he heard the first directive and stood by it. To me, that's the concept of Christianity being sold today. (As opposed to what Christ's teachings are)

Filed under Scary Gay Stuff and Reveries & Paranoias

Monday, November 08, 2004

War's coming. Get Ready for Gay Bashing

Karl Rove has said to the press that Bush WILL pursue the gay marriage amendment. Muslims of America, no need to fear. We're taking over your place as fall guys. I'm glad we're of some use, at least.... oh wait, I just realized. This makes us scarier than Terrorists. Instead of spending our tax dollars to go after terrorists, instead of using it for afterschool programs, we're going to spend it so this small group of people cannot harm what the sanctity of marriage.

Y'see, family values means making sure gay people can't marry and can't have children. What's making sure your kid has someplace to go have to do with it? What's making sure the economy is better so you're putting food on the table got to do with it? Silly silly people. You think family values is about adding on. It's not. It's about taking away.

Filed under Politics & B.S.; Reveries & Paranoias and Scary Gay Stuff.


I was a communications major in college. No, not mass communications, but rather theories of, etc. I learned about ethics, persuasion, inter-cultural, inter-personal communication. One thing that has remained with me since those long gone days, is that it is EXTREMELY easy to miscommunicate. It is far easer to miscommunicate than it is to have your listener understand exactly what you're saying.

My lover hates when I ask her for empathic listening. That's when I ask for a reinterpretation of what I just informed her, to make sure that she understood the nuances as well as the overall meaning. Recently, I've stopped asking her for that due to her ire, but I'm resuming. I'm finding that I need to feel that I'm being understood. But I digress.

I've been reading this fascinating forum in Nanowrimo and what I'm realizing is that people are arguing and debating but nothing is defined. What do I mean by that? I used to work on contracts. I used to read them for a living and occasionally I wrote them. The thing about a contract is, definitions are NEVER assumed, they are always provided.

This forum topic is about gay marriage. One lone man, Mysterious Stranger, has decided to answer a bunch of question that the pro-gay marriage people are throwing out. He is a young Christian man with a wife and four kids in Oregon. Mysterious Stranger's responses to this onslaught of questions have been thoughtful, respectful and well said. As a result, a few of his questioners are making sure this topic remains bile-free and a nice exchange of ideas. While neither side have been able to convince the other, the true winners are the readers of this forum topic.

However, given all that, the one thing I find about that topic is that no definitions have been made. They all talk about marriage as if they all know what marriage is about. I suspect Mysterious Stranger is talking about the spiritual side of marriage, the one blessed by churches. Many gays, including myself, would rather drive spikes into their eyes then be wedded in a church. (I think this is something religious folks don't seem to understand.) There are two definitions to marriage - a legal one and a religious one.

I also think a definition of consenting adults should be added. (examples of well if we let gays, where do we stop, pedophiles? Incest?).

With so many misconceptions about, no wonder it was easy to exploit the fear.

I want to ask Christians, what is it that makes their wedding vows/marriage legitimate in their eyes. Is it because they have a slip of paper in their hands by the government? Or is it because they were blessed by their church? Is it both? See, if both, then they need to understand that by not having the blessing of the church, then in their eyes, anyone getting married outside of the church isn't legimate anyway, so why inflict their views on someone else?

If it's the slip of paper in their hands, then they need to understand that laws can't be as picky as churches. Laws are meant for the common denominator and shouldn't discriminate. Laws are not meant to contradict other laws. Laws are also trying to prevent bad stuff happening later. There are laws against incest because children produced from such unions are often genetically malformed.

Hmm, given that, I'm not sure at some point in the far future if child prevention can be 100%, that incest will not become legal.

Anyway, the great social experiment that is America has been to see if people can live UP to ideals, not down to commonality. See, the more the government has to step in and make you walk the line, the more unAmerican we become.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Scary Gay Stuff.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Having No Faith

It hit me yesterday that the people who voted against gay marriages, who voted cause of "moral values" are pretty sad. I really feel badly for them.

After all, they don't have faith nor confidence nor conviction.

There is no faith that their God is the one true God and ultimately everyone can see it.

There is no confidence in their own parenting ability to teach their children from "godless" ways.

There is no strength in their convictions that they are right and we are wrong.

There is such fear among them that they are failing, that they have to vote against it.

Me? I'm an idealist. I cannot cannot fathom how anyone, when presented with the proper facts and words, could stand up to my convictions. I have faith that my teachings, to my nephew, to my friends, to others I've talked to in passing, have moved them to think, to ponder. I have confidence that given time and an open mind, I will be able to change minds.

It must be so sad that to feel so helpless.

Strength comes from faith. In a perverse way, I believe in God. I believe what Jesus said, the path is narrow and hard, and it is open to a few. Therefore, in order to whittle out the many, the path must be hard and tough. And therefore, God will throw everything at you. Just look at Job. THAT is the kind of faith God demands.

I wanted to be a prophet when I was a child. I wanted to hear the words of God. I also knew that to be a child of God, I had to expect the worst. But see, God doesn't throw the worst at you. He throws the one thing at you you're not braced for.

I wasn't braced for being gay. Rather, I WAS braced for being gay. I just wasn't braced for Society's reactions to it, or my own family's. My own faith fell short. I was unable to see past the hypocrisy of my fellow Christians to be an open loving person despite that these fuckers wanted to lock me and my friends up for taking a test to see if we were dying.

As you can see, I still can't. I realize I failed the test God gave me. But I don't regret it. IF the path to God is reserved for few, then most (i'm thinking oh... 99.999%) of us are damned anyway. Why not ease the life we have here then, since we won't have eternal salvation.

So I feel sad for you all. At least I recognized I failed the test. You all think the test is easy enough that you can just walk into a voting booth and push a button. Foolish Mortals.

Filed under Scary Gay Stuff and Reveries & Paranoias.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

The Punisher

In the late 70's following the black and white crash, Marvel Comics started putting out comics aimed at a new kind of reader. The old stuff just wasn't working. See, the old type of comics would have Superman or Spiderman refusing to hit a woman, or not stooping down to the villain's level or just being pretty much honorable to the point of stupidity. And audiences left, in droves.

Then someone there came up with the idea of the Punisher. They gave him the type of beginnings that would either break you or make you a super hero. They killed off his wife, his kids, they made his life a living hell. And this guy did something that few superheros did prior to his debut. He turned around and made his enemies' lives hell. He punished them.

I remember leaving comics sometime before his debut and then coming back to collecting after. I went from Paul Levitz's Legion of Super-Heroes and those g-rated comics to this gritty outlook on life. And I didn't get it.

I didn't get that America was changing. I didn't get that the readership wanted their heroes and by extension themselves to kick butt. It wasn't enough for the skinny kid to get buffed and just scare the guy who kicked sand into his face. The readers wanted revenge!

Where am I going with this history lesson? Well, I'm reading about how America has changed. How America wants to kick butt. People are asking when did this happen? And I guess I'm saying it was the mid-70's.

I'm not very comfortable talking about this subject, cause it raises the hackles on my neck. I like the view from my high horse. I have never never understood the concept of lowering oneself to your enemy's level. I have never understood the ends justifies the means. I have never understood why people are so insistent on not being able to share.

This is the last part I don't get about Americans. Mind you, I am a transported American, by way of the pacific ocean. Americans are overwhelmingly the most generous of any nation I've been to. BUT on an individual basis. Give us a crisis and we'll come out in droves. BandAid - Sure! FarmAid - Sure! 9/11 - Sure!

But welfare? Nah those bastiches are taking money out of my pocket. Gay Marriage? Why, it might make my 3rd marriage... less than sacrosanct. Folks. Look around you. How many tv's do you need? How many computers? For that matter, how many pillows do you need? ESPECIALLY you rich folks.

I don't get it. There is more than enough to go around. Why must we hoard? Why must we see someone getting theirs as... taking away from us? I JUST DON'T GET IT!

I keep thinking back to the movie Wall Street and hearing Gordon Gecko's (it's strange how that name brings immediate visceral feelings) speech about greed and recoiling. But, he appealed to human's base nature and the beast won. And yesterday, the beast won again.

I long for the days when we aimed high towards ideals, and not low towards commonality.

Filed under Facets & Galleries of Art and Reveries & Paranoias.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around what happened last night.

So far, what people are saying is that the reason why Bush won is cause people hate gays. In which case, I have to say, "Wow. Just wow."

What about me scares you? The fact that I don't look anything like your fantasies (if you're a straight guy) or the fact that I don't wish to hit on you (straight men and women both).

So let me get this right. You wanted to ensure that I could NOT get married in your state, so you voted to make sure your kids would grow up unsupervised (you both will have to work to support the rich people and let's face, the people in charge aren't going to give $ for after school programs), armed, and being shot at in a foreign country.

Yup, the rich got it all figured out. Give 'em something to unite against, something REALLY scary like oooh that gay boy wants a wedding dress. That way, they'll never notice we lied to them, they won't notice the bloodshed, they won't notice people all over the world just getting more and more pissed at the U.S.'s arrogance and games.

I think next year for Halloween, my lover and I will dress up in matching wedding dresses. After all, we're very scary.

Filed under Scary Gay Stuff; Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.


I woke up many times last night, half the times from nightmares, the other half from hopeful dreams. I remember one vividly. All of the eastern and western United States was a deep blue color, whereas the middle was an angry red. I remember waking to that and thinking "Did that actually happen?"

My other isn't happy with me. She woke up from my kicks of frustration.

Why am I so upset? See, I take the opposite view of Andrew Sullivan here. He says the opponent isn't the enemy, that we're at war and the enemy is the enemy. I DO see the enemy within our shores, and while that enemy ISN'T Bush, he embodies the enemy.

The enemy is the erosion of ethics, civil liberties and just plain honesty. The enemy is the rising of secrecies, accusations, separability. As long as we allow people to point out differences and we say "Yeah! That asshole is different! Kill the fucker!" or for Americans, it's keep the fucker from voting, from marrying, from voicing out dissent. As long as we continue this deteriotion, we will lose, my countrymen and countrywomen.

But you don't see it do you? All you saw was one singular day when our shores were breached and we watched breathless as two towers fell. And for that affront, someone must pay.

You're right. May God have mercy on us for it is our children who are paying.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Politics & B.S.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004


I voted for Kerry and now I'm too nervous to write my 2,000 words today *sighs*

Filed under Ms. Cell Annie.