Tuesday, November 16, 2004


I hate weddings. I didn't like them as a teenager, I didn't like them as a 20-something, I LOATHED them as a 30-something and now, I'm a little more tolerant. One reason I'm writing about this is I watched "Bend It Like Beckham" yesterday (love that movie!). The wedding scene fascinated me, with it's emphasis on joy, something western and chinese weddings don't do. They're all formal and stiff (most of them anyway.) I kept thinking wow, if weddings were *that* joyous, I might actually enjoy them in the future.

However, ever since I was a teen, I saw weddings as invalidations. No, not to gay people, but to single people who enjoy singlehood; to people who don't have someone yet. # 1 question I hate at weddings: "And are you with anyone right now?"

I have been to ONE wedding with a partner. ONE. I used to get invited to about 5 a year between the ages of 16 and 35. Think of how many I attended as a single entity.

You know, if my other isn't who she is, I'd still be single right now. I ENJOY the single life. I ENJOY being alone. I ENJOY having weird sleep habits. I ENJOY not having to answer or respect anyone but my cats. I ENJOY slipping into hermitude.

Yet, I always felt Society's pity. I didn't need pitying. The ones trapped in unhappy marriages like my mother - those might need pitying. But I chose my life; AND I didn't like people assuming my choice was made for me.

Next time you feel sorry for that person sitting alone at a wedding? Don't. You're making attending a chore. You're making smiling a chore. Admire them instead for taking a stance against Society's straight-jacketed options. I might've attended more weddings if I had received that.

Oh, and as a side-note, all I care about is that my partner is taken care of after my death. That she can come to my bedside while I'm ailing, to yell at me for leaving her. That she will get my condo, which she's putting so much effort into. It's only fair. After all, she's the one who put up with me. As to whether the civil papers say "marriage" or "Partnership" or "Domestic Partnership" or "Ying-Yang ding dong" I don't really give a shit.

Filed under Scary Gay Stuff and Reveries & Paranoias.


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