Friday, November 05, 2004

Having No Faith

It hit me yesterday that the people who voted against gay marriages, who voted cause of "moral values" are pretty sad. I really feel badly for them.

After all, they don't have faith nor confidence nor conviction.

There is no faith that their God is the one true God and ultimately everyone can see it.

There is no confidence in their own parenting ability to teach their children from "godless" ways.

There is no strength in their convictions that they are right and we are wrong.

There is such fear among them that they are failing, that they have to vote against it.

Me? I'm an idealist. I cannot cannot fathom how anyone, when presented with the proper facts and words, could stand up to my convictions. I have faith that my teachings, to my nephew, to my friends, to others I've talked to in passing, have moved them to think, to ponder. I have confidence that given time and an open mind, I will be able to change minds.

It must be so sad that to feel so helpless.

Strength comes from faith. In a perverse way, I believe in God. I believe what Jesus said, the path is narrow and hard, and it is open to a few. Therefore, in order to whittle out the many, the path must be hard and tough. And therefore, God will throw everything at you. Just look at Job. THAT is the kind of faith God demands.

I wanted to be a prophet when I was a child. I wanted to hear the words of God. I also knew that to be a child of God, I had to expect the worst. But see, God doesn't throw the worst at you. He throws the one thing at you you're not braced for.

I wasn't braced for being gay. Rather, I WAS braced for being gay. I just wasn't braced for Society's reactions to it, or my own family's. My own faith fell short. I was unable to see past the hypocrisy of my fellow Christians to be an open loving person despite that these fuckers wanted to lock me and my friends up for taking a test to see if we were dying.

As you can see, I still can't. I realize I failed the test God gave me. But I don't regret it. IF the path to God is reserved for few, then most (i'm thinking oh... 99.999%) of us are damned anyway. Why not ease the life we have here then, since we won't have eternal salvation.

So I feel sad for you all. At least I recognized I failed the test. You all think the test is easy enough that you can just walk into a voting booth and push a button. Foolish Mortals.

Filed under Scary Gay Stuff and Reveries & Paranoias.


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