Tuesday, December 21, 2004


On several feminist sites, there are entries about Otherness.

I must admit that I am an Other. Have felt so all my life, and will probably feel that way until I die. At parties, I consciously seek out the wallflowers. I figure 1) the popular people won't want anything to do with me (the Other), 2) there's only so much superficialities I can take and if you're surrounded by people at a party, chances are the ONLY topics of conversation are superficial and 3) the look of utter surprise when the wallflower realizes someone IS asking them about them.

I distrust crowds, especially in-crowds, seeing in them an opportunity for lowest common denominators to flourish and multiply, stupifying the multitudes.

Any group that wants me in, I instantly invoke Groucho Marx (paraphrased): I don't want to belong to any group that wants me. I am instantly suspicious, asking why they might want me. Not trusting that my otherness is desired, or that it'll be used as a cause.

Because I was a sickly wealthy charming child, I was branded with the Scarlet "O" immediately upon entering elementary school. I missed school a lot, but cause I was quick, I was always at the top of the class. Add to that the fact that my parents contributed financially to the school AND I could get my way pretty much with all the teachers and you get instant Other.

Mix that in with uncertainty about how to act in society (cause more than half the time I was removed FROM society due to illness) and you get instant identification with being one of the Others.

See my previous post from last week, musings about identities and you'll see that I heartily embraced being Other so much so that I actually embraced being gay.

IF being part of "us" means I have to become an inane, inarticulate, hate-mongering, angry, victimized being, no thank you. The mantle of Other rests well upon my shoulders. For in being one of the Other, I join the ranks of others who wore the mantle too, like Copernicus, Camus, Epicurus.... and I thank you all who belong to "us" for the honor.

Filed under Reveries & Paranoias and Scary Gay Stuff.


Post a Comment

<< Home